“Yes, I know.”
“It bears remembering as your William grows up. There will come a time when he’ll want to do something you either don’t approve of, or that frightens you because his life and limb may be at risk. The difficulty in raising children, ma’am, is letting them go.” He waved his arm, indicating the house. “I’m fortunate that my children visit often, but it’s very different now that none of them actually live with me.”
“You’re lonely?”
“Occasionally.” He patted her hand on his arm. “I like you very much, Lady Bonderant. ‘Tis a shame you must go home directly, for I’d enjoy furthering our friendship. And I believe we are becoming friends, are we not?”
“Oh, yes, quite. I’ve taken a liking to you, as well.” She looked up at him. “Perhaps our budding friendship will forgive my rudeness, but I’m terribly curious to know why you never remarried. Is it truly because you did not want a wife who might interfere with your pastimes?”
He slowed and stopped at a low bench, handing her down to it while he stood by and propped one boot upon the seat, bending to rest his forearms across his knee. “I didn’t find another wife for what I suspect are your reasons for not finding a new husband.” His gaze was solemn on hers. “Time has a way of fading memories, and I won’t pretend I live each day in the past, or that I still mourn. But in the beginning, I certainly did, and had no interest in another marriage, for I knew no other could compare. It wouldn’t be fair to any woman to hold her to such a standard. I’m uncertain dear Connie could have held up to my memory of her, if you see what I mean.”
“Oh, yes. Bonderant has become quite saintly in death.”
“By the time I was past miserable and beginning to feel more the thing, my children required a great deal of my attention, and I became somewhat obsessed with my horse breeding program. Years slipped past and it became less and less a matter of necessity to remarry. I did fine on my own, I thought. Looking back, however, I realize I missed the opportunity to build a satisfying relationship with someone. I now face the prospect of growing old alone, and it’s not appealing in the slightest.”
He touched her shoulder briefly, as if he wished to make his point very clear. “I’d not wish to see one as lovely and interesting as yourself wind up like me. Don’t wait too long to come back to life. It’s been five years, and while I’m sure you believe there is no one who will suit, who can possibly make you happy, I would disagree.”
“You’re right, I’m certain, but for several reasons this is all much easier to speak of than to put into practice. For one thing, I’m reclusive at Margrave Park. Unless I were to marry my neighbor, Sir Edmund, who’s close to eighty, or take up with my gardener, or perhaps convince the good vicar to abandon his wife, I have no prospects. There’s my steward, Mr. Timms, but he’s a dreadful dull sort, and I’d no doubt spend the rest of my life dozing off at inopportune moments. The notion of coming up to London in search of a spouse is distasteful.”
“And the other reason?”
She met his gaze directly. “I’ve yet to feel the desire.” It was not a good choice of vocabulary, but she realized, after she said it, how accurate it truly was. At least, it was accurate until approximately an hour ago. What was it about him? She was shocked at her reaction to him, and wondered what he would think of her if he knew she was interested in him that way?
“Perhaps you should come up to London with William, stay a while and take him about, and perhaps enjoy some social engagements. I daresay you lack female companionship, rusticating in the country. Not a woman of my acquaintance who doesn’t enjoy her friends. You and Jane seem to have struck it well, and she’ll be back within a fortnight. In fact, if you decide to spend some time in London, I’d consider it a privilege to escort you wherever you wish to go.”
“You’d attend a ball with me?” She almost laughed. Most men didn’t like attending balls.
He surprised her when he nodded. “If you wish to go, I’ll take you.” He touched her shoulder again. “I’d like to help you find someone suitable, and while I’m no matchmaker, I do have some idea about who’s who and what’s what. It wouldn’t do for you to fall into the clutches of a fortune hunter.”
“Not at all. It’s my duty to retain all of William’s holdings and wealth until he reaches his majority. Indeed, Blix worries much over me being taken advantage of.” She grinned up at Sherbourne. “It becomes apparent, I presume, that my brother still regards me as a mere child, incapable of understanding the less than noble motives of some men.”