The Last Duchess (The Lennox Series)(106)

“I shamelessly eavesdropped on the servants after I returned to Eastchase Hall. I was terribly curious to understand why I’d been forced to live with horrid Aunt Reid, instead of at home, with my father. She always said he was busy, that he didn’t have time for children, and until he took another wife, she would be responsible for our upbringing. I was never so glad in my life than when you came down from Cambridge and took me away.”

“Poor Lucy, you did have the worst of it. I was gone off to Eton within a year of moving to her house, and was only there for short periods afterward. I hate that you had to endure her cruelty. At the same time, I’ve always admired that you hold no lasting scars, that you bear no grudge. I suppose it’s your nature to forgive, isn’t it?”

She smiled at that. “Don’t make me into a saint, Blix. It’s too droll of you, really. I don’t hold a grudge because it will do nothing to her, and everything bad to me. I choose to forget her and move on. She may rot in her miserable, pathetic life, and I care not a whit what she does, or how she goes on. Hardly saintly.”

“I suppose not,” he agreed. “A true saint would attempt to make her into something different, to see the error of her ways.” He patted her hand upon his arm. “All the same, I admire your ability to put her out of your mind.” They walked along a bit further before he said, “It’s ironic and a bit humbling to admit, but I’ve long worried I’d follow our father into madness, and a great many of my decisions have been made with that fear in mind. It could almost be funny, if it weren’t so wrong. All these years, I was convinced it was her death that brought on his insanity. Now, to know it was most likely the result of a severe blow to the head . . . well, it’s a surprise.”

Lucy’s heart flipped over and tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Blix, I didn’t know, had no idea. All this time!” No wonder he’d insisted upon marrying women he couldn’t love, who would never love him, could never understand his complicated nature. She understood, at last, why he’d resisted marriage to Jane. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his distance, that he would grow to love her, worried she would die, and he would go mad. Her tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. “If only I’d seen this, I might have told you the truth of it and you wouldn’t have suffered such a misconception. But we’ve never discussed it, have we? It’s as though we believed not talking about it would make it less real, less painful.”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Do you think she was involved with Radcliffe?”

“No. In my days of eavesdropping, I came to understand she was well thought of, respected by the servants and all who knew her. It appears her life became very difficult after our father was injured and began to doubt her, but she remained faithful.” The sun was setting, but she was loathe to return to the house just yet. Blix needed to know all of it, and this was the time to tell him. “The servants speculated that her death was not entirely due to complications in childbirth, that she’d been dosed with something to bring on labor and cause excessive bleeding. They also believed the old viscount was not shot by a highwayman, but by our father, disguised as one.”

“I can’t believe it. Can you?”

“I’d rather not believe it, Blix, but he was truly mad, I think, even before she died. Who can say? What can it matter now? I’d ask you to not dwell upon the past, to look ahead and live life on your own terms, in a way that will bring you peace and joy.”

He came to a halt and stared across the garden toward the sun at the horizon. “You’ve always had a wisdom that belies your age and experience. I do love you very much, you know.”

Her tears began anew. He had never said so. Oh, she knew it, of course, but hearing him say it aloud made her weep. She stepped close and embraced him. “Yes, I know. Have always known. You’ve been my champion, all of my life, Michael, and I love you. I wish for you to find happiness, to lay aside this restlessness that has dogged you so long.”

Returning her embrace, he said against her hair, “I believe I will. I’ve only to convince my wife I’m not a cad, and all will be well.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He let her go and turned toward the house, offering his arm again. “No, I think it best to follow my own instincts. You mustn’t fret, Luce, or allow anything you may observe between Jane and myself to dampen your spirits. We’ll plan your wedding, and enjoy a nice visit, and tomorrow, we’ll all return to London where I’ll begin to search for all this happiness you’re so mad about.”