“Leave his land.”
“What about Hollenbeck’s land?”
I shrugged. “Way things stand right now, I won’t be able to buy it.”
“But you’ve already invested money in the place.”
“Looks like I gambled and lost,” I said.
“You just going to let that good money be thrown away, then?”
I didn’t answer.
Luke Sawyer stared at me, then went back to figuring the bill. When he finished, he looked at me again. “What if I lend you the money you need?”
I stepped back from the counter, startled by his offer. I could feel my blood rushing, and I glanced away overwhelmed by what this could mean. My head began to pound with the possibility of saving the land. I could have a place of my own, a place to take Caroline. I could keep my promise to Mitchell.
“Well?” said Luke Sawyer. “What about it? I’d give you the same terms as the bank.”
“No,” I said, and it was hard. “No, sir. If things go wrong, I couldn’t repay you.”
“The land would stand as collateral.”
I said no again. “I thank you, Mister Sawyer, but I couldn’t be beholden to you.”
“You could always work off your debt with me.”
I smiled and declined once more. “I’d be an old man by then.” I never wanted to be indebted to another white man, to have personal ties to another white man, but I could see in Luke Sawyer’s eyes that he truly wanted to help me and I could feel in my heart his regret that I wouldn’t let him. I thanked Luke Sawyer again, paid for the preserve jars, and left the store. Luke Sawyer never knew how hard it was for me to say no to his offer and walk away. I wanted the land that bad.
Upon my return to the forty the following evening, Caroline and I sat outside in front of the fire and spoke quietly once more while Nathan slept. I told Caroline about the bankers, about their refusing me the loan for J. T. Hollenbeck’s land, but I didn’t tell her about the wire. I knew Cassie would send me what she could, but she had her own family to worry about, and I doubted if she had the money to send. I now regretted putting that burden on my sister, and I didn’t want to burden Caroline with a false hope. I didn’t tell her about Luke Sawyer’s offer either, because I didn’t know how to explain to her how I could have turned him down.
“Then I s’pose nothin’ for Nathan and me t’ do but go on back home,” Caroline said.
I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want her to go, but I didn’t tell her that. I had nothing to give her now. Still, I figured to watch out for Caroline—and her child—even if she wasn’t my wife. I refused to break my promise to Mitchell.
“One thing, Paul-Edward,” she said. “ ’Fore I leave this place, there’s one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t want Mitchell left here. I wants his grave where I can go to it, and once I leave from here, I ain’t plannin’ on steppin’ foot on this place again. I don’t want Mitchell buried where he ain’t wanted.”
I nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”
We were silent awhile thinking on our own thoughts. Then Caroline chuckled on a sudden and I glanced over. “Just was thinkin’ ’bout what a lucky man that Filmore Granger is.”
“How’s that?”
“’Cause if Mitchell was here, Filmore Granger’d be in his grave!”
I smiled, knowing that was likely true. “Mitchell must be turning over in his about now.”
“I reckon,” Caroline agreed.
“Maybe I should go do what Mitchell would’ve done,” I said. “I feel like it.”
“And get yo’self hung? Paul-Edward, Mitchell ain’t gone way he done, Filmore Granger’d be dead, all right, but so’d be Mitchell, jus’ the same.”
We were silent again. I knew Caroline felt my sorrow, and I felt hers, both about these acres we had lost and about Mitchell. “I’ll take you home before the month’s out,” I told her.
She looked at me across the firelight and said softly, “I’d rather be goin’ with you.”
I met her eyes, then looked away. “I’ve got no place to go.”
During those days while I waited to hear from Cassie, I helped Caroline in picking the garden and with the canning. I also made a crude trailer, and Nathan and I began to pack what few things we had. Now, it was in my mind, and Caroline agreed, that we should leave the day before Filmore Granger said we had to be gone. One thing we didn’t need was for Filmore Granger to show up with a bunch of white men to put us off. Two days before our move, I rose early, long before the dawn, and rode into Strawberry. There was no bank draft waiting for me.