Each day as my feelings grew more, I worried more. Caroline’s baby was soon due, and I worried about not only its coming but Caroline’s continuous work from before the dawn until the late-night hours. I tried to get her to slow down, but she only laughed.
“You think my mama had a choice ’bout slowing down before she had me?” she asked one evening, when only she and I were left awake at the fire. Nathan lay asleep beside it. “No, suh! She worked straight ’til she had me, and once she did, she got back t’ the fields soon after, and I’ll tell ya somethin’, Paul-Edward Logan. I figure t’ be strong as my mama.”
I smiled at Caroline across the fire. “I don’t doubt it.”
She smiled back. “Better not.”
I was silent.
She studied me. “What’s the matter?”
“Can’t help but worry.”
“Told ya, you got no call to worry ’bout me.” For a moment she too was silent. “What else you got worryin’ you?”
I met her eyes and had a sudden flood of needing to tell her what she wanted to know: I wanted to tell her how my promise to Mitchell was eating at me. I wanted to tell her how much the land I was trying to buy from J. T. Hollenbeck meant to me. I wanted to tell her how low I was on money and that I didn’t have enough to meet the next monthly payment on the note. All I had was enough to pay Tom Bee and Horace Avery. I had made sure I had enough for that. I didn’t intend on cheating any man.
The one thing I didn’t have worrying me still was selling the forty. John Lawes, the man Luke Sawyer had told me was interested in the forty, had taken a look at it and had liked what he saw. He had agreed to nine dollars an acre, not the ten I had asked, but I had received no money when we made the deal, for I did not yet have title to the land. I would have to wait until my bargain with Filmore Granger was fulfilled for that. There was relief in knowing that I would have the money soon, but that wasn’t easing my mind about the next months. I needed money now.
In the time since I had last seen Luke Sawyer, I had given much thought about working with him again full time. If I did work with him, at least I could get the money I needed for the monthly payments. But I had held back from that because I didn’t want to leave the responsibility of the place to Caroline. If I left, she would have to make sure the timber was cut and the fields were tended. I knew that she would take it on, but I couldn’t put that responsibility on her, not with her health and Mitchell’s child at stake. In addition, if I were to leave, that would mean having to ask more work time of Tom Bee and Horace Avery. As things stood, I wasn’t even sure how much longer I could keep them on. I certainly couldn’t ask them to trust me for their money until I got the monthly payments out of the way, finished my obligations to Filmore Granger, and sold the forty. They had their folks to think of too. I wanted to tell Caroline all these things, but I couldn’t.
“Paul-Edward, I want you to know somethin’,” Caroline said when I had given her no answer. “I know you been worried ’bout a lotta things, and that’s includin’ me and this baby. But I want you to know I ain’t worried. Mitchell, he put his faith in you and I do too.” Her eyes studied me. “So what is it? You worried ’bout gettin’ these trees cut in time to meet Filmore Granger’s deadline? If you worried ’bout that, then don’t be. What with Mister Tom Bee and Horace Avery, Nathan, you, and me, we’ll get ’em down in time.”
I smiled at her reassurance. “You really think so?”
“Course. Don’t worry ’bout it.”
Caroline’s words, as so often, were spoken as fact, and I took consolation from them. Still, though, I did worry, and I gave further thought of going to Luke Sawyer. I knew that if I did go, I would have to tell Caroline why. I put that off and as the days toward meeting the next note to J. T. Hollenbeck dwindled to within a few, I decided upon selling two of the mules and the wagon instead. Somehow we’d make do without the wagon and just the one team.
“Where you goin’ with them mules?” Caroline asked the dawn I hitched the mules to the wagon.
“I’ve got to go to Strawberry,” I said.
“You takin’ them mules there, you gonna bring them back again?”
I looked at her. “What do you mean by that?”
Caroline glanced out at the rising sun, then back at me. “Where your tools?”
“What?”
“Your tools. You ain’t used ’em in a spell.”
“Haven’t had time.”
“Sent Nathan out to get your hammer other day. He done said he ain’t seen yo’ toolbox.”