Hope flickered in Penny. “Thank you, Jenny. And I don’t want the boys or my husband to worry, so please help me get dressed. The saffron wool, I think.”
“But milady you ought to rest some more—”
An imperious rap on the door cut the maid off.
Penny’s heart sped up. “Come in,” she called, a trifle breathlessly.
Marcus strode in. He was in his shirtsleeves, his stark navy waistcoat molding to his lean torso, charcoal grey trousers hugging his muscular legs. The concern in his gaze stopped her breath altogether and made heat prickle behind her eyes.
She’d feared that he would never look at her this way again.
“Milord.” Jenny dipped her knees. “I’ll, um, just go get your toilette ready, milady.” With a smile on her face, the maid scurried off and closed the door behind her.
The Ormulu clock ticked away on the mantel, Penny’s heart even louder in her ears.
Wrapping a large hand around a poster at the end of the bed, Marcus said, “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Much better. I’ve a bit of a bump on my head, but mostly the blow I took was to my pride.” She risked a smile. “I thought I could keep my balance.”
“You caught our son falling out of a tree. You’re lucky Owen didn’t flatten you like a pancake.”
“He has gotten bigger than I realized.” Seeing Marcus’ darkening expression, she added quickly, “It’s not Owen’s fault.”
“Not his fault?” Marcus’ scowl deepened. “The boy deserves a sound whipping for putting himself and you at risk.”
The very idea made her bolt upright against the pillows. From the instant she’d held her firstborn in her arms, she’d vowed that no child of hers would know suffering, not if she could help it. No babe of hers would ever feel unsafe or unwanted or unloved. Spare the rod, spoil the child be damned.
Luckily, for the most part, Marcus deferred to her wishes. He was a stern disciplinarian, but his habit was to lecture and punish by means other than corporal.
“Owen’s been punished enough. I’m sure he feels terribly about it,” she insisted. “He doesn’t need—”
“Devil and damn, woman, will you ever stop defending the little rogues?”
Marcus stalked to the side of the bed, staring down at her, his hands planted on his hips. Judging that he appeared more exasperated than angry, she decided to be honest. “No.”
Her husband scowled. “He’s losing his outdoor privileges for a month.”
That was fair. “All right,” she said softly.
“As for you…” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Damnit, Penny, don’t risk your neck like that again.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I just saw him falling,”—she swallowed, flashing back to the panic, the utter horror of seeing Owen in danger—“and I reacted.”
Marcus said nothing. She couldn’t read his expression, didn’t know if she’d pushed her luck, made him angry again. He surprised her by sitting on the edge of the bed.
“We should talk,” he said.
Apprehension tickled her nape. “Yes?”
“The state of affairs between us. It can’t go on like this,” he said tersely.
Her stomach plunged. Had he come to a decision about their future? God, had he decided to divorce her after all—
“I can’t forgive the past,” he said in flat tones.
She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even manage a nod. Terror paralyzed her.
“Thus, I believe the only solution is to move forward. To put it behind us,” he went on. “For the sake of the children, we must turn over a new leaf and start afresh.”
Slowly, her brain caught up. Sensation pierced her—relief so intense it was akin to pain.
“Would you be willing, Pandora?”
“Yes, Marcus, oh yes,” she whispered.
“There are conditions,” he warned. “First, after today, I don’t want to hear about your past again. Knowing about your indiscretions,”—he bit the word out—“doesn’t put me in a good place. So if there’s anything else you’ve lied to me about, any other lovers, you’d best get it over with and tell me now. Because after today, I want to hear nothing of it.”
There were secrets she hadn’t revealed but not of the sort he was referring to. Not deceptions that she had to feel guilty about. She had the intuition that it was best to keep things simple.
“There’ve been no other indiscretions,” she said quietly.
He gave her a level look. “All right then.” He rose.
“That’s it?” She couldn’t keep the disappointment from her voice. “You’re going?”
“You should rest.”
“I feel fine. Trust me, I’ve taken far worse tumbles…” She trailed off, realizing what she’d inadvertently revealed. In her desire to keep Marcus with her awhile longer, she’d referred to her past. The past that he’d just stated that he wanted to know nothing about.
What in the blazes is the matter with me?
“There’s more to discuss,” she added lamely.
His brows winged, his arms crossing over his broad chest. “Is there?”
“About… us. Our arrangement.” She felt as if she were fumbling in the dark. “We haven’t talked about what it means to start afresh.”
“I believe we just did.”
“Yes, I mean I understand that my past is behind us. But what about the future?” Swallowing, she said, “How are we to… to be… as a married couple, I mean?”
His expression didn’t change. “You’re referring to bedroom matters.”
Blood rushed into her cheeks, but she whispered, “Yes.”
After a moment, he said, “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” she said, confused.
“For the way I treated you in the bathing room.”
Her cheeks heated further. Wetting her lips, she said, “That was my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” He raked his hair again and then his hands planted on his lean hips. “But I shouldn’t have left you as I did. I let anger get the best of me and treated you badly. It was wrong of me, and I apologize, Pandora.”
“Apology accepted.” Seeing his eyes soften, she blurted, “And it wasn’t, um, bad. Only the way we parted. Before that, it was… wonderful.”
His gaze went from warm to smoldering. “Goddamnit, Pandora.”
“I know I’ve bungled things up, but since we’re starting anew, I want to be a wife to you,” she forged on. “I want to share a bed with you, be with you, because I lo—”
He placed a finger across her lips, stemming the tide of her words.
“Don’t,” he said sternly.
“Don’t what?” she managed to say.
“Don’t rush this. With time and effort, I think we can rebuild our marriage. But that doesn’t mean that things will be as they were.” His measured words tore through her, mangling her insides. “You mustn’t push me on this or anything else. I will do my damnedest not to react badly, but I will not tolerate being manipulated.”
Her heart knocked against her chest. “I’m not trying to manipulate you.”
“For twelve years, you did,” he said.
She had no rejoinder for that. None at all.
Because he was right.
Throat clogging, she said, “When can we… be together again?”
“Let me take the lead. We’ll begin by rebuilding trust and go from there.”
“All right.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Getting a second chance was more than she deserved, and she knew it. She wouldn’t jeopardize the opportunity.
He cupped her jaw, and she leaned into the caress, desperate for the connection. She soaked in the strength and warm solidity of her husband’s touch before his hand dropped away, and he took a step back.
“I’ll send the boys up,” he said. “They’re eager to see you.”
“They’ll worry if they see me still in bed. I’ll get dressed and go down to see them—”
“For God’s sake, you just had a fall. Stay in bed for the day and rest, Penny.”
Any further protests died on her lips. Her chest constricted, and she fought back the heat pushing behind her eyes. She was Penny again. His Penny.
She had that much back at least.
“All right, Marcus,” she whispered.
He hesitated as if he was about to say something more… but instead he gave a curt nod and left the room. She sank back against the pillows and tried not to feel alone. To take comfort in the company of hope.
Chapter Fourteen
The next two weeks passed by in a blur for Penny. She had all the remaining details for the ball to take care of as well as a marriage to get back on track. With the former, she was confident of her progress; with the latter… not so much.
It wasn’t that Marcus hadn’t kept to his word. He didn’t mention her past, and his manner toward her had noticeably thawed. Several nights ago, he’d even teased her at the supper table, asking her if she was trying to fatten him up by having all his favorite foods prepared. She’d wanted to roll her eyes because, unlike her, the man could eat like a bloody horse and not gain a single ounce. But, more to the point, he’d noticed her efforts to please him. This was progress, and it was good.