“You have been astonishingly quick!” I cried.
“Perhaps—but then, you see, there is so little to unravel! Some books, we all know, you must ‘chew and digest’; they can only be read slowly; but some you can glance at, skim, and skip; the mere turning of the pages tells you what little worth knowing there is in them.”
“She doesn’t look profound,” I admitted, casting an eye at her meaningless small features as we paced up and down. “I incline to agree you might easily skim her.”
“Skim her—and learn all. The table of contents is so short.… You see, in the first place, she is extremely ‘exclusive’; she prides herself on her ‘exclusiveness’: it, and her shoddy title, are probably all she has to pride herself upon, and she works them both hard. She is a sham great lady.”
As Hilda spoke, Lady Meadowcroft raised a feebly querulous voice. “Steward! this won’t do! I can smell the engine here. Move my chair. I must go on further.”
“If you go on further that way, my lady,” the steward answered, good-humouredly, but with a man-servant’s deference for any sort of title, “you’ll smell the galley, where they’re cooking the dinner. I don’t know which your ladyship would like best—the engine or the galley.”
The languid figure leaned back in the chair with an air of resignation. “I’m sure I don’t know why they cook the dinners up so high,” she murmured, pettishly, to her husband. “Why can’t they stick the kitchens underground—in the hold, I mean—instead of bothering us up here on deck with them?”
The husband was a big, burly, rough-and-ready Yorkshireman—stout, somewhat pompous, about forty, with hair wearing bald on the forehead: the personification of the successful business man. “My dear Emmie,” he said, in a loud voice, with a North Country accent, “the cooks have got to live. They’ve got to live like the rest of us. I can never persuade you that the hands must always be humoured. If you don’t humour ’em, they won’t work for you. It’s a poor tale when the hands won’t work. Even with galleys on deck, the life of a sea-cook is not generally thowt an enviable position. Is not a happy one—not a happy one, as the fellah says in the opera. You must humour your cooks. If you stuck ’em in the hold, you’d get no dinner at all—that’s the long and the short of it.”
The languid lady turned away with a sickly, disappointed air. “Then they ought to have a conscription, or something,” she said, pouting her lips. “The Government ought to take it in hand and manage it somehow. It’s bad enough having to go by these beastly steamers to India at all, without having one’s breath poisoned by—” the rest of the sentence died away inaudibly in a general murmur of ineffective grumbling.
“Why do you think she is exclusive?” I asked Hilda as we strolled on towards the stern, out of the spoilt child’s hearing.
“Why, didn’t you notice?—she looked about her when she came on deck to see whether there was anybody who was anybody sitting there, whom she might put her chair near. But the Governor of Madras hadn’t come up from his cabin yet; and the wife of the chief Commissioner of Oude had three civilians hanging about her seat; and the daughters of the Commander-in-Chief drew their skirts away as she passed. So she did the next best thing—sat as far apart as she could from the common herd: meaning all the rest of us. If you can’t mingle at once with the Best People, you can at least assert your exclusiveness negatively, by declining to associate with the mere multitude.”
“Now, Hilda, that is the first time I have ever known you to show any feminine ill-nature!”