The Lady By His Side(117)
She twisted her head and looked into his face. His impassive mask was well and truly in place, and his eyes had already narrowed. Undeterred, she went on, “Anyone you love, you protect—absolutely and without question.” His brows started to lower. “And I have no issue whatsoever with that,” she hurried to add. “But you have to accept that the converse is also true—that if you are threatened, then I will act to protect you.”
He didn’t like that. He opened his mouth—
“No.” She narrowed her eyes and wriggled around so she faced him. “I spring from the same warrior caste as you—that’s why we mesh so well together, as you phrased it, like two halves of one being. We are alike in many ways—and I will not sit meekly by while you go into danger.” She locked her gaze with his. “For instance, what would have happened if, in Kent, I’d waited on the beach while you went into the passage and on to that cavern alone?”
Sebastian had already thought of that scenario—and had promptly buried the realization it had brought. He hadn’t wanted to dwell on that then; he didn’t now. But her words brought the memories flooding back in full force. “Those moments in the cavern will live blazoned in my mind forever.”
Her gaze didn’t waver. Somewhat coolly, she arched a brow. “And the reason you’re alive to remember them at all…”
He exhaled through his teeth, slumped back on the pillows, and stared at the ceiling.
Inexorably, she went on, “If you hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t been there…one or possibly both of us would have died. But we were there together, and love, the desperation it brings, made me rush to push you out of harm’s way—and for the very same reason, you changed direction in order to save me. Together, we won through. Singly, we wouldn’t have.”
Sadly, that was an inarguable truth.
He sighed. “I will never—ever—like, approve, or appreciate you being in danger.” He raised his head and met her eyes. “Even if you’re with me.”
She held his gaze. “I know. And I’m not asking you to like it. I don’t like, approve, or appreciate you being in danger, either. But I can’t be your marchioness—we can’t have the marriage we both want—unless you allow me to be me, to be the woman I truly am.”
Your equal. She didn’t say the words, but he heard them. And knew in his heart that she was right.
After a long, fraught moment, he eased his tense jaw enough to say, “I’ll try.”
She held his gaze for an instant, then inclined her head. “That will do.”
Antonia knew she couldn’t hope for any better outcome; she hadn’t been sure she would gain even that much. From Sebastian, a Cynster, on that particular point, a commitment to try was a significant concession.
She felt his muscles ease beneath her. Keeping her satisfaction to herself, she turned and resettled in his arms, and he closed them about her once more.
After a moment, he murmured, “You can’t expect me not to try to…avoid the issue.”
“By keeping things from me?”
“By shielding you from circumstances that might…bother you.”
She did smile at that, intently, even though he couldn’t see. “Just as long as you aren’t surprised if I refuse to be coddled.”
She accepted she’d have to fight such battles through the rest of their days, but with men like him, that was only to be expected.
“About our wedding…”
She dutifully turned her thoughts in that direction. “I suspect we should speak with my parents as soon as possible.” She glanced up at him. “Today?”
He nodded decisively. “I shudder to think of what will transpire if your father gets wind of you staying overnight before I make a formal offer for your hand—let’s get that done this morning.”
“As for the rest…” She settled, warm and secure, in his hold, and they ran through the immediate steps they needed to take—notifying his parents being the next highest on their list. “As to exactly when we should wed, I’m sure Mama will have thoughts on that head—best leave that until we speak with her.”
He was silent for a moment, then murmured, “Given the season, if we time our announcements, we should be able to hold much of the ton and their sure-to-be-avid, not to say rabid, interest at bay.” She felt him shift to look into her face and turned her head to meet his gaze. He searched her features, her eyes, then said, “At least until this mission of Drake’s is over.”
She nodded, entirely at one with that sentiment. “Yes. Let’s keep the news under our hats for as long as possible, at least until the gunpowder has been found and made safe.”