4. When you take it to the next level, and you are hot to trot.
The kisses rocket from a slow slide of lips to an absolute devouring. Your libido takes the wheel. When you do the deed, you get so lost in the moment that you’re telling him how turned on you are, how good it is, how much you want that brass ring.
When he gives it to you, you don’t care that the neighbors can surely hear your cries, and you don’t care if the people in the apartment across the street hear, too.
Briefly, you wonder how it got to this point. How you went from an admiring glance in the hallway to getting on your hands and knees and begging him. Then, you stop wondering because . . .
5. You do it again and again and again, and it gets better.
Whoever this lucky bitch is, I’m jealous of her. But we can all be her. Be bold. Ask for what you want. You never know—you just might get it.
You might get it really good.
Sixteen
Ryder
“I can’t believe it’s that easy. All you have to do is catch her, and then you drop her into the net?”
That’s today’s question from one of the callers to my show. As per Cal’s request, the dating guide is getting the full treatment—columns as well as lots of radio time. “You got it, man. That’s what you do. And let me tell you, she’ll be wearing a big, happy smile,” I say into the mic, picturing Nicole’s face after our acrobatics, painted in pure exhilaration.
“Awesome,” the caller says in a surfer-dude voice. I’m expecting him to say I’m stoked next. “And will this help her want to go to bed with me?”
“There are never any guarantees of that,” I tell him. Unless you sign a deal to knock up a woman. I keep that tidbit to myself.
He huffs. “But that’s what I want most. That’s why I listen to your show. I want the best tips to get a woman into my bed, and I don’t want to put out the dough for a trapeze lesson if there’s no shot.”
Mayday, mayday.
A geometric vision appears in front of me. Cal stalks the hallway, staring with beady, judgy eyes through the studio window. I make a wrap-it-up motion with my index finger to my producer, Jason, signaling to end this call. I’d end it regardless, but Cal makes me extra antsy. The leash he has on me is so short I can feel it choking already.
“You might want to find another show, then,” I say to the surfer guy. “I can’t promise you a woman will want to go home with you because of a trapeze lesson. What I can promise the listeners is if you take your time, plan a fun evening, and don’t miss when you have to catch her, then you can have a great time with your woman. And doesn’t that increase the chances that everyone has a happy ending to the date?”
Jason gives me a thumbs-up for that save, and I feel damn good about it, too.
The second the show ends, Cal shoves in the door. It smacks the wall. Today he is a beaker, bubbling over. “Do I need to remind you this is not a hookup show? More love. Less get laid.”
I drag a hand through my hair and step away from the booth and into the hallway. The golden rule of broadcasting is this—don’t say anything in a room full of mics that you wouldn’t say on air. Doesn’t matter if they’re on or off.
“I turned the comment around to focus on the connection you can make with your date,” I say like a badgered witness.
Jason pops his head into the doorway, pushing his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. “I screened the call. The caller wasn’t like that before the show, so it’s on me.”
Cal ignores Jason. The buck stops with me. Cal points at my face. “Then redirect him. That’s your job.”
“I did,” I say, exasperated, then wave off Jason, sending him back to the studio. This is my battle to fight. “What more do you want me to do? The second the caller went down Randy Road, I sent him on his way and refocused the answer.”
Cal sighs heavily as if acknowledging my point is a burden. “Yes, admittedly, you did.” He claps his hand on my shoulder. It’s not a friendly clap. “But this is the issue, Ryder. You’re attracting this type of listener in the first place thanks to the attitude you’ve had for the last several months. The advertisers aren’t marketing body spray. This is a show about love and intimacy. That is the company mission. We aren’t trying to provide hookup tips, and our advertisers don’t want to be associated with that sort of content. We have higher-end advertisers who want a show that reflects classier content.”
“And I’m working on changing it,” I say, trying to keep my cool.