The Knight(31)

She didn’t allow herself to think much of James, but surprisingly, speaking of him with Sir David today hadn’t been as painful as she’d feared. Her feelings—the love, anger, disillusionment, and hatred—weren’t so intense. Time and healing had dulled the sting and given her perspective.

She didn’t blame him for what had happened. It had been just as much her fault as his. She’d been naive and filled with unrealistic expectations. Knowing his ambition and how important restoring his family’s honor was to him, she should have realized that marriage to him would not be based on love but on position and fortune. His bride would be a prize to be won, just like everything else.

But her fault went beyond failure to properly take stock of the circumstances. She’d put him up on a pedestal like a demigod with a love akin to worship. It was no wonder that he’d never seen her as his equal. The harsh reality was that she’d never seen herself as his equal. She’d loved him too much and given too much of herself away in the process.

She had given him everything and never demanded anything in return. Why was she surprised that when she finally did, he refused?

She had let him take her for granted, let him think she was a woman he could make love to and not marry, but that would never happen again. The next man she trusted with her heart would value it.

But Joanna wasn’t sure she would ever be able to trust anyone like that again. Like the scars upon her flesh, the wounds to her heart were healed but not erased. The memories, like the marks, would remain.

She heard a sound behind her and saw her cousin Maggie rushing toward her.

Jo’s eyes narrowed with concern at Maggie’s anxious expression. “What’s wrong?”

Though breaking a bone as badly as Patrick, her cousin’s husband, had often meant the loss of the limb, his leg seemed to be healing well. So well that he was able to hobble around with a stick and had resumed many of his duties. Her cousin wouldn’t need her much longer—if she ever had.

Maggie shook her head. “Someone is here to see you.”

A shadow moved from around the cottage behind Maggie.

Joanna stilled. Her heart skittered to a stop and then froze as ice hardened around it like a protective shell.

She knew who it was even before the familiar form appeared. He’d found her. And the storm of emotions brewing inside her, trying to crack the ice, told her that maybe she wasn’t quite as over James Douglas as she wanted to be.





After days of frustration in trying to convince her family to tell him where she was, and all the fruitless searching, the first glimpse of Joanna nearly brought him to his knees. James was so glad to see her, all he could think about was crossing the distance between them and wrapping her in his arms. He wanted to hold her against him, savoring the soft warmth of her body cradled against his and smothering his senses with the fragrant scent of wildflowers that always drenched her skin and hair.

But the look in her eyes stopped him cold. She looked so different. She’d lost so much weight, the lush curves he loved so much had all but disappeared. She looked achingly frail, like a strong wind might carry her away. Despite the sunny day, her cheeks were not rosy and tanned but pale and colorless. He could see the thin pink line of a scar on her brow, one on her temple, and another on her chin. The changes wrought by the accident were like a punch in the gut, and another stone set upon the pile of guilt crushing his chest.

I could have lost her. And just how close he’d come to that was staring right back at him.

But it wasn’t the physical changes that chilled every bone in his body. It was the blank look in her eyes and the indifference of her reaction. For the first time in his life, Joanna was staring at him without feeling, and it froze him. Hell, it terrified him. It made him realize that maybe she wasn’t going to be as ready to forgive him as he’d thought.

“Joanna?” her cousin asked hesitantly.

“It’s fine, Maggie. You can leave us. Lord Douglas won’t be here long.”

Lord Douglas? Christ, she’d never called him that in her life.

Her cousin left, and Joanna met his gaze again. “How did you find me?”

Not “I missed you,” not “thank God you are here,” just the cold, flat emotionless tone of a woman who hadn’t wanted to be found.

She really hadn’t wanted him to find her. He hadn’t actually believed that until now.

He shrugged. “It wasn’t too difficult.”

She held his gaze, challenging the lie. “Who did you threaten?”

He frowned. Is that really what she thought of him? “I didn’t threaten anyone. If you must know, it was your sister who told me.”