The snow was falling thicker and faster as McKenna drove from the grocery store through downtown Bigfork, windshield wipes scraping back and forth to clear her vision. She scanned the storefronts, looking for a shop that might carry the Mine Craft toys for TJ. There was a toy shop a couple blocks from the movie theater. McKenna snagged a parking spot out front and headed into the store.
"Sold out of all the Mine Craft figurines we had, and didn't get any of the stuffed toys in this year," the teenage boy answered, "but we do have a youth backpack with a Creeper and a Zombie on it. How old is the kid?"
"Five," McKenna said.
"Would he like a backpack?" The teenager scratched the side of his nose. "Does anyone like backpacks? Hard to say. How much does he like Mine Craft?"
"A lot."
"Then he'll like it. I mean, the Zombie and Creeper are both green and the backpack is black. So that's kind of cool, you know?"
McKenna agreed and was at the counter paying for the backpack, keeping one eye on the snow outside which was coming down even faster now, when she spotted a green and white knit stocking hanging from the counter overflowing with packages of Moose poop (chocolate nuggets) and candy coal (licorice). Over the stocking hung a small sign, For Those on Santa's Naughty List.
McKenna smiled to herself. "Is this for sale?" she asked.
"Yep. Want it?"
"Yes." She plucked the stocking off the hook and handed it to him. "It's perfect."
*
The thick lacy flakes fell in heavy swirls as McKenna pulled up in front of the movie theater to pick Trey and TJ up. She slid all the way over on the bench seat so Trey could lift TJ into the truck for his middle spot.
"How are the roads?" Trey asked, climbing in and closing the door.
"Good. The snow is sticking but it's powdery so there is no problem." She buckled TJ's seat belt. "How was the movie?"
"Awesome," TJ said, "And we had popcorn and candy."
"Let me guess," she said. "Red Vines?"
"How did you know?"
"That's always been your daddy's favorite at the movies, and what we had when he and I went on dates back in high school."
"They had Red Vines all the way back then?"
She smiled and tweaked his nose. "It wasn't that long ago."
"Was I born then?"
"No."
"Then that was a long time ago."
*
It continued to snow steadily the rest of the afternoon, with the snow piling up outside on the wooden railing of the deck, burying the shrubs outside the cabin door. When they first arrived back at the cabin, Trey had made several trips outside to bring in enough firewood to see them through the night, and now they sat at the pine dining table playing Go Fish with an old deck of cards Trey had found in one of the kitchen drawers, while Christmas carols sounded on the little transistor radio.
Trey shuffled the cards at the end of the latest game. "Are we done?" he asked, stretching his legs under the table. "Everybody had enough?"
"No!" TJ cried, leaning on the table, reaching for his cup of spiced apple cider. "Let's keep playing."
McKenna glanced out the window. Dusk had fallen and it was quickly getting dark. "I need to start the spaghetti sauce soon or we won't eat dinner until late."
"But I'm not hungry yet," TJ said. "And this is fun."
McKenna made a soft sound that sounded an awful lot like a groan. He glanced at her, smiling. "Still having fun?"
She gave him a tortured smile and tugged on her ponytail, tightening the elastic band. "You know how much I love card games."
Trey laughed softly, enjoying himself, but then, honestly, this was a gift. When he'd learned that McKenna was getting married he'd gone through a hell all of his own and he'd never imagined then, waking up Saturday morning that he'd be here with Mac and TJ today.
This was his Christmas. This was the best gift ever. He honestly couldn't ask for more, and he wasn't ready to think beyond today … and maybe tomorrow.
He and McKenna hadn't talked about the future. As far as he knew, there was no future and maybe once upon a time that would have been hard for him to accept, but four years at Deer Lodge had taught him patience, as well as acceptance.
He couldn't control everything. He couldn't please everyone. He might not be able to please anyone. The only thing he could do, was do his best.
He was trying his best now.
He was focusing on gratitude, too.
Life was short and unpredictable. Instead of going through life feeling entitled, he was going to count his blessings, every single one of them, and right now, his greatest blessings were sitting here at the table playing cards and sipping cider and making him feel like the luckiest man alive.
*
The ground beef and tomato sauce and seasonings were simmering in a pot on the stove and McKenna stepped outside the toasty little kitchen to stand on the porch and watch the white flurries.
Twilight had given way to night. Snow piled high on the porch railing and buried the shrubs by the front of the cabin.
She left the porch and climbed down a step and then another, feeling the snowflakes land on her face and catch in her hair.
It was so quiet out, so blissfully still.
The fresh white snow transformed the landscape, hiding the barren spots, the rocks and dirt, coating weeds so that everything looked beautiful and new.
But wasn't that the magic of Christmas? Wasn't that what made this season so special? Birth, hope, new life …
She glanced over her shoulder back at the cabin and could see through the big picture window Trey and TJ at the table, building a house from the cards. Behind them the fire crackled in the stone hearth and the Christmas tree with the white lights and vintage ornaments cast a colorful glow.
From here on the porch, it looked like a scene from a movie …
If only life was as warm and sweet as a Hallmark movie …
She could use one of those happy endings. TJ, too.
Her eyes burned and she blinked, wanting so badly to give TJ the life she hadn't known. She wanted him to have happiness. She prayed he could grow up without the tragedies she'd experienced. She hoped he could grow from boy to man before he should ever have to suffer and grieve, as she'd suffered and grieved.
It was more than nineteen years since that terrible night when her family had been attacked. And still she couldn't think about it, couldn't picture it, dwell on it, remember in any detail at all how horrific it had been.
Just learning to live without them all had been hard enough. She didn't need to have the horrors burned into her mind.
Trey was such a big part of her healing.
Trey was the one that helped her start to feel safe. Secure.
He was her angel. Her tough, rebel angel.
No one else saw the side she did, but she knew something no one else did-he would protect her with his life.
He would die before he'd let anyone hurt her.
He was there to help her through.
And so when TJ had been conceived, it wasn't this terrible shame, but a gift, and a blessing. TJ was a testament to their love, and proof that good things did happen. Good things would continue to happen.
The cabin door opened and Trey stepped out, gently closing the door, but not shutting it all the way.
"You okay?" he asked, coming down the steps to stand next to her. The snow swirled around him, flakes drifting onto his hair.
She smiled up at him. "Yes."
"You just felt like taking in some snow?"
She crossed her arms over her chest, holding in the emotion. "This has been an amazing day. It's … perfect."
"We didn't really do anything."
"We didn't have to. Just being together made it perfect."
He reached out, and smoothed his hand over the top of her head, and then down the length of her ponytail. "I agree."
He was standing close, very close and she could feel his warmth and his strength. It would be so easy to just lean against him, to absorb his warmth and strength. He'd feel good. He'd feel right. He'd feel like love.
Like home.
She stared up at him, her gaze locking with his, her chest growing heavy, tight.
She wanted him to kiss her.
She wanted him to hold her.
She wanted him to be hers again.
But they'd been down this road before. It hadn't gone well. And the pain of living without Trey when things had gone wrong had been so extreme. The pain was excruciating. It was honestly more than she could bear.
So how did one make it work? How could she love him without constantly worrying, and fearing the worst?
He must have seen her fear and doubts because he clasped her face in his hands, lifting her face to his. His blue eyes "You don't have to know everything, babe. You don't have to solve all the problems of the world tonight. Just live. Just love. Just breathe."