The road widened and Kyle sent him an uncertain glance. They entered a clearing and Elroy saw a small white house with black shutters in the distance. It was one of those 1970s ranch-style affairs, with a bay window in front, a low-slung roof, and a black eagle decoration on the storm door. There were a few of those offensive inflatable Christmas decorations in the front yard: a large Santa and a snowman with a carrot for a nose. The windows were trimmed with multi-colored blinking lights and there was a plastic wreath on the front door with a squashed red bow that looked as if it had seen more than one Christmas. If the house hadn't been this far out in the woods it would have looked like a million other ranch-style homes throughout lower-end suburban Boston decorated with tacky discount store Christmas junk. Elroy had never actually been to a place like this and he'd always wondered how poor people lived.
Kyle told him to park next to a black pick-up truck with a sign that read, "Huberly & Sons Constructon."
"I thought you said Oscar only had the one son, Jeremy," Elroy said. "The sign on the truck says 'Sons,' not 'Son.'"
"Oscar had the sign made when he thought I was going to join the construction business," Kyle said. "He still thinks I will. That's the older truck. They must have taken Jeremy's truck to work today."
Kyle's mom met them at the front door. She welcomed them into the house and hugged Kyle in a stiff way. She shook Elroy's hand and said, "It's nice to meet you." She didn't offer him a hug.
Elroy squared his back and said, "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Huberly. Your son has told me so many wonderful things about you." Elroy looked her up and down while he spoke, the same way he evaluated everyone the first time he met them. He could see she'd been an attractive woman at one time. Though she'd filled out over the years, she still had a nice figure and medium-length brown hair the same color as Kyle's. She wore jeans and a simple white blouse; no jewelry but a gold wedding band. Elroy saw traces of makeup, but nothing more than some foundation and a hint of lip gloss. Kyle and his mom were not identical, but Elroy noticed the family resemblance immediately.
"Call me Patty," she said. "We're not formal around here." Then she looked Elroy up and down as if she were evaluating him now. And he knew with that one statement he would have to be careful with her. He'd run across her kind before. She was the sweet quiet type who didn't wear a lot of makeup and pretended to be simple while she plotted and calculated her next move. Oh, he so wished he'd slept with Kyle at least once. That would have given him an edge with which she wouldn't have been able to compete. He'd never met a mother yet who could compete with him.
Elroy sent her his warmest smile. "Thank you for inviting me to your lovely home. It's just as I'd imagined it would be." This was true. He had imagined the worst. The best way to handle the sweet ones was by being even sweeter. And no one could be sweeter than Elroy when he wanted to be.
Patty led them into a family room off the kitchen with brown shag carpet and beer barrel tables next to brown and orange colonial furniture. She introduced Elroy to two small children watching a vacuous TV show that had loud piercing characters. The most expensive piece in the ugly room was the humungous TV, no doubt a place where Oscar and son Jeremy sat and watched football games all weekend, drinking beer and eating processed meat sandwiches. The room even smelled of stale beer and pretzels. Elroy wanted to put his hands over his ears, but smiled at little six-year-old Cadin and four-year-old Lorna and told Patty they were adorable. The rude little fuckers didn't even look up at him or their Uncle Kyle. They didn't say a word. They continued to watch the TV with glazed eyes and empty heads.
While Patty went back to the kitchen to prepare a dinner that smelled like crotch rot, Kyle and Elroy sat at opposite ends of the sofa in the family room. Elroy glanced at the fake Christmas tree and made a face. It was one of those newer fake trees that could be assembled in three parts, and pre-lit. It had been shoved into a corner next to a brown brick fireplace with a fake log and it rotated in constant circles. The ornaments were all plastic and it looked as if they'd been thrown on the tree instead of hung with care. Elroy sighed and took a quick breath. He never thought he'd see the day when he found a room where the fake wood paneling was the best feature.
Kyle pulled a book out of his backpack and started to read. Elroy pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to find a signal. But they were too far out in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere to get onto the Internet. He couldn't do social media, he couldn't check his e-mail, and he couldn't even look at porn. He wound up reading a copy of People that had been left on the dark pine coffee table next to three half empty glasses of orange soda and a crushed beer can. The cover had been torn and he couldn't find a date of publication. When he opened the magazine and started to read about Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's sordid affairs, he had to wonder how long that magazine had actually been there. He'd met Ben Affleck at a charity event in Boston last year and he was married now to a wonderful woman. He was just as adorable and now a successful, well-respected film director. And that annoying, self-promoting Jennifer Lopez was doing some kind of a reality show he couldn't name. It made him smile to read the old article long after they'd broken up.