When Elroy turned off the phone, he sent Kyle a friendly glance and said, "Looks like you're on your own tonight, buddy. I probably won't be back at all tonight." Few things in life made Elroy smile more than knowing he'd succeeded in something. Ricky calling him this way meant Ricky had not been able to stop thinking about him all week. Even though Elroy knew deep down it was more about his ego than meeting a guy he truly cared about, he craved this kind of attention in ways he'd never been able to control.
Kyle didn't sound excited for him. He started walking and said, "I hope you know what you're doing. This guy doesn't call all week, and when he does you're ready to shell out hundreds of dollars on him."
"I know what I'm doing," Elroy said. "I don't care about money. Besides, he doesn't even know my real name."
Kyle stopped and gaped at him. "What?"
Elroy laughed. "I never give my real name out to guys I just meet. He thinks my name is Mike."
"That's creepy."
"Men do it all the time," Elroy said.
"I don't do it," Kyle said.
"You're the exception to the rule," Elroy said. Then, in order to shock Kyle even more, Elroy said, "He's wearing a wedding ring, too." He hadn't planned on saying this, but after seeing the stunned expression on Kyle's face after he told him about the fake name he couldn't help himself.
"You're sleeping with a married man?" Kyle said.
"He didn't say he was married. But he didn't hide the ring."
Kyle turned and started walking in the opposite direction. "I have to admit one thing."
"What's that?"
"Just when I think you've hit bottom, you continue to amaze me," Kyle said. "Or, does this get worse? Nothing would surprise me after this. Are you sleeping with a married man whose wife is dying of cancer?"
Elroy didn't think he'd done anything wrong. "I know nothing about his wife, or his husband, for that matter. I don't ask and I'm not out to break up his home. Lighten up, man. Everybody does it. It's not like I'm going to freaking marry this dude. I'm only having a little fun with him. You wanna come with me? We'll have a threeway. You should see the way this guy moves. It will blow your mind."
With that remark Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets and walked faster. "No, thank you. That's not something I'm interested in doing. Meeting nice, decent people is the only thing that blows my mind. I just hope you're using condoms, you goddman asshole."
Elroy ran up behind him and grabbed his ass. "Hey, don't get mad. You look too adorable when you're mad and it makes me think all kinds of dirty things about you." Though he sounded as if he were joking, he really did mean this.
Kyle stopped and turned to face him. "What makes you think I'm mad? I'm not mad at all. I have a date myself tonight with a very nice guy from my math class."
"If you're not mad then why are your eyes all narrow and why are your lips all pinched together?" He knew him well enough to know the sure signs of anger.
Kyle's voice went up higher. In a forced way, he laughed and said, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in a great mood."
Elroy was curious. "And who is your date?" He had a feeling Kyle was lying. They'd been roommates since early September and he hadn't seen Kyle date anyone.
"Lev Godwin," Kyle said. He lifted his chin, as if to prove his happiness.
Elroy pressed his palm to his stomach and laughed. "Lev Godwin? Seriously? He's like the biggest dork on campus. He sticks pencils in his ear and sniffs the ear wax on the erasers. He's a fucking creep."
Kyle's face turned red. "He's a very nice guy. He asked me to the movies and I accepted. And for your information, he's not just interested in sex. He's interested in getting to know me better as a person. He's interested in listening to how I feel and how I think."
Elroy rolled his eyes. "He just wants to get into your pants. And the guys who tell you they want to know how you feel and think are the worst kind."
"He's a simple guy and he told me he respects me."
"Good luck with that."
"Lev Godwin cares about the real things in life," Kyle said. "Why can't you get it that there are nice people out there who aren't looking to scam everyone else?"
"He'll be sniffing your shoes," Elroy said. "I'll bet my chocolate ice cream billions he's into feet." Lev had thin lips and one of those pinched, pointy noses. Elroy thought he could definitely be into feet.
Kyle turned and started walking again. "There's no use trying to have a serious conversation with you. You're never going to understand the important things in life and I'm tired of wasting my time. Have fun tonight with your married fuck buddy from P'town. I'm sure you'll both be very happy together."