Although Elroy was curious about Kyle's family, he wanted to know more about Kyle's experiences with men. He remembered Kyle had mentioned he wasn't a virgin but he'd never gone into any detail. If this was true, he wanted details. "Did you have a boyfriend in high school?"
Kyle finished his fourth glass of Southern Comfort and poured another. He took a few sips and said, "I don't want to talk about that. I'm not a very sexual person. I care more about feelings and I need to have emotion before I have sex. I had a bad experience that left me confused."
That was all Elroy had to hear. Now he had to know more. He noticed Kyle's eyes were glassy and he'd begun to slur his words as well. Though he wasn't drunk, he seemed more relaxed than Elroy had ever seen him. He'd even removed his eyeglasses and set them on the bed. Elroy hadn't seen him without his glasses unless he was showering or sleeping since the day he'd tripped in Harvard Yard.
So Elroy leaned forward, reached for Kyle's hand, and said, "You can tell me anything, man. I'll never repeat it. What is said in this room tonight will never leave it. I swear on my life."
Kyle took a deep breath and exhaled. "It's just not something I feel comfortable talking about. There was one guy, just one, but it's complicated."
Elroy squeezed his hand and spoke in his sincerest tone. "You can trust me. You'll feel better after you talk about it." Oh, he was dying to know now.
Kyle looked into his eyes. "You swear you'll never tell anyone?"
Elroy crossed his heart with two fingers and said, "I swear on my life. To prove it, I'll tell you my deepest darkest secret after you tell me yours."
This time Kyle finished his drink, put down his glass, and swallowed a huge gulp of booze right from the bottle. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and said, "I've never told anyone this before. Jeremy was my secret boyfriend all through high school. He seduced me one night and I wanted him to. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. If you ever saw Jeremy, you'd understand."
Elroy's eyes opened wider. "You did your stepbrother? Dude." Elroy had not portended Kyle's story would be this entertaining. He'd been imagining some dull story about two geeks in braces with tons of acne.
Kyle took on a defensive attitude. "It's not like I killed a kitten. We didn't grow up together. We were already in high school when we were thrown into the same bedroom. We weren't biologically related and I didn't even start it. One night Jeremy climbed into my bed and we started making out. After that, we did more and it became a regular thing. At the time, I didn't mind at all. I liked it and couldn't get enough of it."
Elroy shook his head. "But you just said Jeremy is straight."
Kyle shrugged. "I guess he's bi-sexual. I don't know. I can't get into someone's head. He would never talk about what we did or go into detail. He slept with me every night and dated girls all through high school."
"Were you in love with him?" Elroy found this unusually arousing, but he didn't want to ask for details he knew Kyle would never give.
Kyle laughed this time. "I thought I was for a while. I couldn't think of anything but making love to Jeremy. But I finally realized I wasn't. I told Jeremy I wanted more and I was tired of sneaking around with him. This happened at the end of our senior year and I knew it was time to either move forward or end it once and for all."
"What did Jeremy do?"
"He laughed in my face and called me a fucking fag," Kyle said. "Then he told me he wasn't a fag and that if I ever told anyone what we did together he'd kill me with his bare hands. He even grabbed me by the throat and showed me how he'd do it. He was stronger and I was scared. I was devastated for a while, but I got over it. I wound up meeting a guy at my part-time job in a restaurant and we started seeing each other. But we never had sex. I wouldn't let him have sex with me until I knew for sure he was the right man. I think people have too much sex. That's when I officially came out of the closet. It was the first time I actually brought a guy home to meet my family. My mom and stepdad didn't know how to react. And Jeremy was livid that day. He seemed to resent the fact that I'd come out and that I had a boyfriend, as if he were embarrassed to be seen with me."
"Well, it stands to reason," Elroy said. "After all, the guy was boning you."
Kyle tiled his head sideways. "Why would it matter?"
"He was probably jealous," Elroy said. "Guys like Jeremy are possessive that way. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you. I've seen that before."
"I don't know," Kyle said. "Looking back on it all, I now see Jeremy is just an asshole. And I was a bigger asshole for not seeing it sooner."