She wasn’t aware the wounded, animallike sound had come from her until Guillermo reached for her arm, an alarmed expression on his face. “Liv...”
“No.” She shook him off and started walking. Anywhere but here, looking at that. She was dimly aware of Frederic announcing it was ten minutes to showtime. She kept walking past him. His eyes widened and he followed her.
“Liv.” He tugged on her arm. “What the hell are you doing? You’re starting the show.”
She broke free and kept walking. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just...can’t.”
In the back of the wings, she sat down in a chair and put her head between her legs. The frantic sounds of a show about to happen filled her ears. Haunted her with her biggest failure... She put her fingers to her temples as the world swirled around her, darker and darker. Beckoned her with its beguiling promise of escape. She’d thought she was strong enough to do this. But she wasn’t.
“Liv.” Rocco’s voice penetrated the darkness. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. Shook him away.
He knelt down in front of her and captured her jaw in his hands. “Look at me.”
She shook him off. “Go away.”
“Nessuno.” He captured her jaw again, this time tighter, his fingers digging into her flesh. “I will not allow you to destroy yourself like this. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She wrenched herself free. “I can’t do this. My best friend overdosed after she walked off this stage, Rocco. Because she couldn’t handle the pressure anymore. It’s why I left. I can’t do it.”
His eyes widened. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
A lone tear broke through the wall she had built around herself. “I loved her. She was my rock. She was the strong one. And I allowed that to happen to her.”
“You didn’t allow anything,” he countered roughly. “She was suffering, Olivia. That type of suffering requires professional attention. You couldn’t have stopped it.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t go out there. Tell Frederic to replace me.”
“Yes, you can. Look at me, damn you.” She kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut. He took hold of her shoulders and shook her. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes. His gaze held hers. “All that is out there is a walk, Liv. A walk down a runway. It doesn’t define you. Your extraordinary talent does. And if you don’t go out there tonight, if you turn your back on all those people, you are alienating everyone who matters. Everyone who will decide whether those beautiful designs you and Giovanni created together will touch the world.” His expression softened, dark and sure. “And they will touch the world because they are genius, cara. You are a genius. But you have to let them see it.”
Another tear burned a hot track down her cheek. “You don’t have to say that.”
“Do I ever say anything I don’t mean?” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Make this the night you leave the darkness behind. Because you are light, Olivia. Everything about you is radiant. Don’t let them win.”
The tears fell harder. She wanted to. She wanted to let them win. She had already done that when she’d left the first time. But her dream hadn’t been on the line then...
The pounding music and the MC’s voice as he opened the show made her blood turn to ice. She drew back and stared blindly at Rocco. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” The quiet conviction in his eyes held her, wound its way around her insides. “Just you walking down a runway, Liv. That’s all this is. Nothing more. You’ve done it hundreds of times. Let’s do it together.”
She swallowed hard. Felt his words penetrate the numbness. If she walked now, she was giving up everything. Everything she had created with Giovanni. Her reputation could only take so many knocks.
“Four passes,” Rocco promised. “Four passes down that catwalk and you’re done. Put it on automatic pilot and go.”
She had to. She had to do it, she realized. For Giovanni. For herself.
“Okay.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks. “Okay.”
Frederic materialized. She stood, legs wobbly, Rocco’s arm firm around her waist. The urge to hang on to him and never let go consumed her. He nodded at her, a smile curving his lips. “I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
Frederic swept her to the front of the line of models, but her cue had just come and went as the music pounded to life and general pandemonium ensued. She gave him a panicked look. “Forget it,” he muttered, “go on the next line.”