The Invention of Wings(156)

            “But what could you possibly do?” Lucretia asked.

            “I don’t know if I can do anything, but I can’t sit here on my hands . . . I’m going back to Charleston. I can at least try and convince my mother to sell them to me so I can set them free.”

            I’d asked before, but this time I would beg her in person.

            She had called me her dear daughter.





Handful


            Upstairs in the alcove, I peered out the window at the harbor, remembering when I was ten years old seeing the water for the first time, how tireless and far it traveled, making up that little song, prancing round, and now I was coming on forty-five and my feet didn’t dance anymore. They just wanted to be gone from here. Little missus hadn’t let me out since the whipping, but every free chance I slipped up here. Sometimes like today, I brought my hand sewing and spent the morning on the window seat with the needle. Little missus didn’t care as long as I did my work, kept my tongue, bobbed my head, said yessum, yessum, yessum.

            Today, it was hot, the sun eyeing straight in. I opened the window and the wind blew stiff, dredging up the smell of mudflats. From my perch, I could see the steamboat landing down on East Bay. I’d learned plenty watching the world come and go from that dock. A steamer came most every week day. I’d watch the snag boat ply ahead of it, clearing the way, then I’d hear the paddle on the steamer roar and the tug boats huff and the dock slaves holler back and forth, making haste to grab the ropes and put down the plank.

            When it was time for it to leave again, I’d watch the carriages pull up at the whitewash building with the Steamship Company sign, and people would go inside and wait for a spell. Down on the landing, the slaves would unload trunks and goods and bags of mail onto the ship. When ten o’clock came, the passengers crossed the street and the slaves helped the ladies over the gangplank. The boat never left till the Guard showed up. Always two of them, sometimes three, they passed through the ship—first deck, second deck, pilot house, bottom to top. One time they opened every humpback trunk before it went onboard. That’s when I knew they were searching for stowaways, for slaves.

            The Thursday boat went all the way to New York, and then you got on another one going to Philadelphia—I’d learned that from reading the Charleston Post and Courier, which I’d swiped from the drawing room. It printed all the schedules, said the tickets cost fifty-five dollars.

            Today, the steamboat landing was empty, but I wasn’t up here in the alcove to watch the boat, I was up here to figure a way to get on it. All these weeks I’d been patient. Careful. Yessum, yessum. Now I sat here with the palmettos clacking in the wind and thought of the girl who bathed in a copper tub. I thought of the woman who stole a bullet mold. I loved that girl, that woman.

            I went over everything I’d seen out there on the harbor, everything I knew. I sat with my hands still, my eyes closed, my mind flying with the gulls, the world tilting like a birdwing.

            When I stood up, every one of my limbs was shaking.



            The next week when Hector was handing out duties for the day, he told Minta, go strip the bedding in the house and take it out to the laundry house. I thought quick and said, “Oh, I’ll do that, poor Minta’s back is hurting her.” She looked at me curious, but didn’t argue. You take a rest whatever way you can get it.

            In the alcove that day, a picture had sprung in my head—dresses. I saw the black dresses the missuses had worn to mourn their husbands. I saw their spoon bonnets with the thick black veils and their black gloves. These things came to me clear as the bright of day.

            When I got to missus’ room, I tugged off the bed linens, listening for footsteps on the stairs, for a cane poking its way, then I opened the last drawer of her linen press. I’d folded away missus’ mourning dress, her bonnet and gloves my own self all those years back. I’d packed them in linen with camphor gum to keep out the moth eggs and laid them in the bottom drawer. Reaching back there, I worried they were long gone, that what warded off the moths had drawn the rats, but then my fingers brushed against the linen.