The Institute, Daddy Issues(104)

For my­self, I felt like I could never get enough of his touch, enough of be­ing close to him. But I still wasn’t com­pletely com­fort­able with what seemed to be hap­pen­ing.

“Salt,” I said in a low voice. “Please, you don’t have to do this—don’t have to act this way just for me.”

He stopped strok­ing me and let me sit up for a mo­ment.

“You think I am do­ing this only for you?” he asked, rais­ing an eye­brow at me.

“Well…aren’t you? I mean, the whole ‘Papa and mishka’ thing? What could you pos­sibly get out of it?”

“The chance to hold you,” he said ser­i­ously. “The chance to care for you and pro­tect you the way I have wanted to al­most from the mo­ment I first saw you.”

“You…you really feel that way?” I asked, my breath catch­ing in my throat.

Slowly, he nod­ded.

“When the Cap­tain first put us to­gether, you re­minded me of my young­est sis­ter. Not in looks—she has black hair and blue eyes, like me,” he ad­ded hast­ily. “But in size. You were so tiny—so del­ic­ate. I wanted at once to pro­tect you. But then…” He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling with the move­ment. “Then I learned that you do not need pro­tec­tion. Nor do you want it. You wish only to be in­de­pend­ent wo­man who does not need any­one—who does not need a man. So what could I do?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I guess…just be my friend?”

“This is what I did,” he said, nod­ding. “I did not think you would let me treat you in the way I wished to.”

“What way was that?” I whispered. I thought I knew but I needed to hear it from him.

Salt sighed. “I know you do not like to hear this but you are so little. So…per­fect. I wanted al­ways to pick you up and hold you—to cuddle you and stroke your hair as I am do­ing now.”

He stroked one big, warm hand over my hair and I shivered at the depth of need that simple touch stirred in me.

“Really?” I whispered.

“Da.” He nod­ded. “You said over and over how sick it was, this ‘Age Play’, while we were on our as­sign­ment. But then…you changed. At first I thought you were simply act­ing as we must in or­der to avoid sus­pi­cion. But then I began to hope…to be­lieve that you were act­ing in a way you truly wanted to act.”

“I was,” I ad­mit­ted in a low voice. “But I thought the same about you—that you were just act­ing.”

“I was at first.” He shrugged again. “But then I found that I liked it. I liked be­ing able to hold you and pet you as I al­ways wished to. And of course…” He looked at me dir­ectly, his eyes cap­tur­ing mine. “I have al­ways wanted to touch and taste you. Oh yes, I liked it—liked it very much.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat.

“I…I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Now you do.” His eyes still held mine. “What do you wish to do about it…mishka?”

“I…I don’t know,” I con­fessed. I felt like I had been given a present I had never ex­pec­ted and most cer­tainly didn’t de­serve. The idea that my part­ner was really into this kind of re­la­tion­ship seemed strange and un­likely but I wanted badly to be­lieve it was true.

Salt must have seen the ques­tions and doubts in my eyes be­cause he brushed his knuckles lightly over my cheek and mur­mured, “What is it, my darling? Tell me, what is the prob­lem?”

“There’s no prob­lem only…” I bit my lip. “You…you’re really into this? I mean, the whole ‘Papa and mishka’ thing? You’re not just go­ing along with it for me—be­cause of what I told you?”

Salt pulled me closer—so close our fore­heads touched and we were look­ing deeply into each other’s eyes.

“I love be­ing your Papa,” he mur­mured, slip­ping his hand un­der my t-shirt to stroke the small of my back. “In any way you need. I love to hold you and cuddle you, to bathe you and wash your hair and take care of you in every way, if only you will let me.”

“And what about…other ways?” I whispered breath­lessly, pulling back so I could study his whole face. “What about the other ways you took care of me while we were at the In­sti­tute?”