The Infamous Ellen James(82)

Amy's mouth gapes open as James slides into an empty barstool at our table. Yes, the very same James she refuses to speak to, acknowledge, or even talk about. Dr. Limp Dick, as she so fondly calls him. She's still pissed that he refused to sleep with her drunken vagina after the Regency golf charity function. Amy is the type of girl who is proud of her pussy. And I mean this in the most extreme form possible. Vaginal hubris. She owns her shit, and the fact that James didn't take her up on the offer for a little boom-boom after the charity function, well… That didn't go over to well with Amy.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Amy nearly gives James whiplash with her curt tone.

Shit, even I felt that sting of that one…

James smiles, which makes my jaw drop. If I were him, I think my balls would have crawled up inside of my stomach. “Everyone keeps talking about these famous karaoke nights at Murphy's and I figured I'd come out and see what all the fuss is about. Plus, I heard you were going to be here… So here am I.”

“What makes you think I'd want to see you?” Pissed off isn't even the word for her look right now. I think she might start shooting laser beams from her eyes.

“I didn't think you wanted to see me, but I wanted to see you.”

Damn, he's good.

I glance at Lizzy, and we both exchange a knowing grin. I know that James has just dropped the gauntlet on her ass. She's been left a little speechless, and I'm just dying to see what she does with his response.

“W-W-Whatever,” Amy stutters. She is scowling while James is still smiling as silence consumes our table. The bastard is just sitting there, completely relaxed and without a care in the world. A laugh escapes me, and I think Amy is about to shoot daggers into my chest.

God, she's stubborn.

I've attempted to have several chats with her about James, trying to get her to open her obstinate eyes and see that he showed that he is truly a nice, respectable guy when he didn't have sex with her that night. Let's just say theses attempts at conversations about James did not end well. His nickname of Dr. Limp Dick is still going strong, and she's still continuing to be a total and complete cunt whenever he tries to talk to her. I was honestly feeling bad for the guy, but now seeing the way he handles himself around her, I can see that Amy has for sure met her match with him.

“I'm going to head up to the bar. Anyone need anything?” James asks before standing up from his barstool.

Lizzy and I both thank him for the offer but politely decline. Amy, well…

“Nope, and no one fucking cares where you're going.”

Remind me to never piss Amy off. Ever.

James just smirks at her cuntiness and walks towards her barstool, standing close to her. Amy takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. He softly brushes her hair behind her ear, leaning down slowly and whispering loud enough for Lizzy and me to hear. “You look beautiful tonight.”

And with that, he turns around and walks away, leaving a very shocked and speechless Amy.

“What an asshole,” Amy spits out once she regains her equilibrium.

Lizzy and I both look at her with questioning expressions.

“Right? He's such an asshole!” Amy glances back and forth between us, trying to get us to agree with her absurd comment about James. Because seriously, she's completely off her rocker. She can be so stubborn sometimes, especially when it comes to her ego. And let's face it, James gave her vagina's ego a hard blow, and unfortunately for him, Amy's vagina apparently holds grudges. Big. Time.

“I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole. That shit is between you and him. I'm staying out of it.” I raise my hands in the air, showing my refusal to give her my opinion on the entire situation.

“Elle! Seriously? You're not going to agree with me that he's a total asshole?”

I vehemently shake my head no.

“Lizzy? What about you? I know you have to agree with me!”

“I'm also staying out of this one, Amy.”

“All three of you are assholes!” Amy screams in frustration.

I give Amy a minute to reel in her anger before testing the waters a little. I know my best friend, and I decide to throw a little comment out there just to see if James has managed to loosen her guard at all.

“Did he really tell you that you looked beautiful tonight?” I take a sip of my beer and watch Amy like a hawk, waiting for her reaction.

She's looking down at her beer, slowly peeling off the label from her bottle. For a split second, her eyes light up a little and the corners of her lips threaten to turn up into a smile. I start to grin in response, and then she looks up, locks eyes with me, and replaces that happy look with a death glare. “Fuck him and his limp dick.”