The Infamous Ellen James(15)

"Whaaat? No way! Are you sure you want that on YouTube?" Amy is already scrolling to the saved videos on her phone.

"Hell yes! My video is awwwwwwesome and YouTubers will love me!" I throw my hands in the air and fall back onto the carpet.

"Everyone will love you, Ellie Belly! I'm gonna load it up right now!" Amy announces as she drunkenly starts to upload a video to YouTube.



***



The next day at work is grueling, and working through a wine headache is always a little bit of a struggle. Amy and I take turns seeing patients in the emergency room. We keep up a constant supply of coffee and Tylenol, and this seems to get us through the day.

As I head towards the nurses' station, I notice Tony and Amy sitting around one of the computers, laughing riotously as they look at his phone. I quietly sneak up behind them and attempt to figure out what they're watching. I can tell YouTube is pulled up, but Tony's giant head is blocking my view of the video.

"Hey!" I shriek in attempt to scare both of them.

They both jump and then turn around quickly at the sound of my voice. They have this deer-in-headlights look as they try to discreetly hide Tony's phone screen from my view.

"What are you guys doing?" My voice is laced with irritation, and I'm sure the wrinkle lines in my forehead are showing with my scowl.

"Uh, nothing, Elle. We're just browsing the web, looking at stupid stuff." Amy looks nervous and Tony is frantically trying to click out of YouTube on his phone. I swiftly move around Tony and snatch his phone from his hands.

"Shit! Elle! Give that back!" Tony shouts at me while furiously attempting to retrieve his phone.

"Tony, stop grabbing for your phone or I swear I will tell Nurse Ratchet to float you to Med-Surg tomorrow." Tony slowly puts his hands to his sides, and that's when I notice the title of the video they are watching—Harlem Shake Epic Fail.

Oh, fuck me.

I push Tony out of the chair and slowly sit down before clicking play. I'm then faced with the video that Amy recorded of me at Murphy's.

Oh my god! Why is this on YouTube?!

I glance down in the right-hand corner of the screen and see that there have been over five hundred thousand hits.

"Five hundred thousand hits! Amy, you are so dead!" I scream as I watch a video of myself awkwardly thrusting my pelvis in the background at Murphy's Pub.

"You made me upload it last night! Tony just happened to find it while scrolling through YouTube on his break!" she shouts back at me while still trying to contain her laughter.

I made her put this ridiculous video on YouTube?

And then…it hits me.

I remember drunkenly petting her hair and telling her to upload the video to YouTube, saying, "Youtubers will love me!"

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

"Motherfucking fuck. Fucking shit!" I stomp my foot on the ground like an insolent toddler.

I sluggishly start scrolling through the comments and see Shirley Swallows Goes Viral posted over and over and over again. My best friend and I have managed to make me an overnight YouTube sensation.

I will forever been known as the girl in the Shirley Swallows t-shirt who awkwardly pelvic thrusts.

Well, that's just fan-fucking-tastic.





Chapter Eleven



“When life gives you 550-horsepower and a little cocksucker challenging you to a street race, you burn rubber and show him that women can drive muscle cars just as well as men.”



By the end of my shift, I decide that I'm not actually going to kill Amy for posting the infamous Harlem Shake Epic Fail YouTube video. Although, I'm still entertaining the idea of cunt punching her tonight while she is sleeping.

I sit down next to Tony, who's feverishly charting his patient assessments on one of the computers in the nurses' station. I have no doubt that these are assessments that most likely should have been charted hours ago. This is typical Tony. I love the guy to death. He's a fantastic nurse, but his time management skills blow some serious ass.

“How's Rachel doing?” I ask him as I type out a note on the last patient I discharged.

“She's great.” Tony's face lights up with a huge smile. “I think I'm going to propose to her.”

“Seriously? Oh my god, that is awesome! I'm so happy for you!” I jump up out of my chair and wrap my arms around his broad chest, hugging him tightly.

Tony laughs and gives my arms a gentle squeeze. “Thanks, Elle. I really appreciate that.”

Despite his lack of time management skills, Tony is truly an amazing man. He started dating a sweet girl named Rachel over a year ago, and they've been inseparable ever since. I have no doubt in my mind she will say yes, and Tony will get his much deserved happily ever after.

I finish up with my last patient and let out a huge sigh in relief. I'm exhausted, it's after nine p.m., and I'm in desperate need for a drink at Murphy's. I see Amy sitting at the nurses' station and decide to extend a tequila branch her way. Yes, tequila branch instead of olive branch. Amy and I are notorious for our alcohol consumption, and this is one part of our friendship we both proudly embrace.