“Well, that doesn’t matter.” Now she sounded motherly, like she was talking to one of the girls. “But what made you write it in the first place?”
“Just an impulse. I guess I was all emotional. Our first baby. It got me thinking about my dad and the things he didn’t get to say after he died. Things left unsaid. All the clichés. It just says sappy stuff, about how much I love you. Nothing earth-shattering. I can’t really remember, to be honest.”
“So why can’t I open it, then?” She put on a wheedling voice that slightly sickened her. “What’s the big deal?”
Silence again.
“It’s not a big deal, but Cecilia, please, I’m asking you not to open it.” He sounded quite desperate. For heaven’s sake! What a fuss. Men were so ridiculous about emotional stuff.
“Fine. I won’t open it. Let’s hope I don’t get to read it for another fifty years.”
“Unless I outlast you.”
“No chance. You eat too much red meat. I bet you’re eating bacon right now.”
“And I bet you fed those poor girls fish tonight, didn’t you?” He was making a joke, but he still sounded tense.
“Is that Daddy?” Polly skidded into the room. “I need to talk to him urgently!”
“Here’s Polly,” said Cecilia as Polly attempted to pull the cordless phone from her grasp. “Polly, stop it. Just a moment. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she heard him say as Polly grabbed the phone. She ran from the room with it pressed to her ear. “Daddy, listen, I need to tell you something, and it’s quite a big secret.”
Polly loved secrets. She hadn’t stopped talking about them, or sharing them, ever since she’d learned of their existence at the age of two.
“Let your sisters talk to him too!” called out Cecilia.
She picked up her cup of tea and placed the letter next to her, squaring it up with the edge of the table. So that was that. Nothing to worry about. She would file it away and forget about it.
He’d been embarrassed. That was all. It was sweet.
Of course, now that she’d promised not to open it, she couldn’t. It would have been better not to have mentioned it. She’d finish her tea and make a start on that slice.
She pulled Esther’s book about the Berlin Wall over, flipped the pages and stopped at a photo of a young boy with an angelic, serious face that reminded her a little of John-Paul, the way he’d looked as a young man, when she first fell in love with him. John-Paul always took great care with his hair, using a lot of gel to sculpt it into place, and he was quite adorably serious, even when he was drunk (they were often drunk in those early days). His gravity used to make Cecilia feel girly and giggly. They’d been together for ages before he revealed a lighter side.
The boy, she read, was Peter Fechter, an eighteen-year-old bricklayer who was one of the first people to die trying to escape over the Berlin Wall. He was shot in the pelvis and fell back into the “death strip” on the Eastern side, where he took an hour to bleed to death. Hundreds of witnesses on both sides watched, but nobody offered him medical assistance, although some people threw him bandages.
“For heaven’s sake,” said Cecilia crossly, and pushed the book away. What a thing for Esther to read, to know, that such things were possible.
Cecilia would have helped that boy. She would have marched straight out there. She would have called for an ambulance. She would have shouted, “What’s wrong with you people?”