The Husband's Secret(140)

            Think nothing. Think nothing. Think nothing.

            When they take Jacob to New York, there will be nothing. It will be like death. Every day will feel as bad as this. Don’t think about Jacob either.

            Her eyes followed a squall of fluttering red leaves like tiny, frantic birds.

            Marla said she always thought of Janie whenever she saw a rainbow. And Rachel said, “Why?”

            The empty road unfurled in front of her, and the sun brightened. She squinted and lowered the sun visor. She always forgot her sunglasses.

            There was somebody out and about after all.

            She grabbed hold of the distraction. It was a man. He was standing on the sidewalk, carrying a brightly colored balloon. It looked like a fish. Like the fish in Finding Nemo. Jacob would love that balloon.

            The man was talking on a mobile phone, looking up at his balloon.

            It wasn’t a balloon. It was a kite.





            I’m sorry. We can’t meet you after all,” said Tess.

            “That’s all right,” said Connor. “Another time.” The reception was crystal clear. She could hear the very weight and timbre of his voice, deeper than in person, a bit gravelly. She pressed the phone to her ear, as if she could wrap his voice around her.

            “Where are you?” she asked.

            “Standing on a footpath, carrying a fish kite.”

            She felt a flood of regret, and also plain, kidlike disappointment, as if she’d missed a birthday party because of a piano lesson. She wanted to sleep with him one more time. She didn’t want to sit in her mother’s chilly house having a complicated, painful conversation with her husband. She wanted to run around her old school oval in the sunshine with a fish kite. She wanted to be falling in love, not trying to fix a broken relationship. She wanted to be someone’s first choice, not their second.

            “I’m so sorry,” she said.

            “You don’t need to be sorry.”

            There was a pause.

            “What’s going on?” he asked.

            “My husband is on his way here.”

            “Ah.”

            “Apparently he and Felicity are over before it’s even begun.”

            “So I guess we are too.” He didn’t make it sound like a question.

            She could see Liam playing in the front garden. She’d told him that Will was on his way. He was racing back and forth across the yard, tipping first the hedge and then the fence, as if he were in training for some life-and-death event.

            “I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s just that with Liam, you see, I have to at least try. At least give it a go.” She thought of Will and Felicity sitting on the plane from Melbourne, hands gripped, faces stoic. For fuck’s sake.

            “Of course you do.” He sounded so warm and lovely. “You don’t need to explain.”

            “I should never have—”

            “Please don’t regret it.”

            “Okay.”

            “Tell him if he treats you badly again, I’ll break his knees.”

            “Yes.”

            “Seriously, Tess. Don’t give him any more chances.”