Angel ended the awkward silence by announcing quietly, “Guys, I think it is time for you to go.” She looked over at Chad gave him a look that clearly was a request for assistance.
Just as Travis began to protest, Chad sprang up and steered him towards the door. Ethan and Scott hastily followed and began talking animatedly about an upcoming rock festival. I had the distinct impression that it was a tactic to distract Travis and it worked - he began to proclaim how many times he would get laid during the festival. Scott shot me a sideways glance and lifted up his hand in an awkward wave before following Ethan and Travis out of the apartment.
“I will call you in the morning,” Angel said to Chad softly with an apologetic shrug.
“Okay. Night Angel. Night Issy,” he replied, a look of confusion and concern etched on his handsome face and then he was gone.
“Are you okay?” Angel asked, turning back to me. Her voice was barely a whisper and her eyes were gently probing into mine. “You just don’t seem yourself today.”
I closed my eyes, afraid that she would see the image of that face that seemed to be burned into my memory. Then my thoughts jumped back to Travis’ crass comments.
“Oh god, tell me that it was only a bad dream and not what Travis said,” I begged her, my eyes flying open wide.
“Well, no … not exactly,” she said, squirming in her seat under my horrified gaze.
“What do you mean?” I cried, my hands flying to my face.
Angel couldn’t have looked any more uncomfortable as she shrugged and cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap. “You … you weren’t calling out Travis’ name but … um … from the noises and … actions that you were making, it was obvious that you were … having sex in your dream,” her voice trailed off and her face blushed a deep shade of red. I’d never seen her look so mortified.
I buried my head in my hands to hide my own embarrassment. I knew exactly who I’d been dreaming about having sex with. Angel had heard me having sex loads of times - I wasn‘t exactly quiet when I let go. Hell, she had unwittingly caught me in the act on a few occasions but we had always laughed it off, without any awkwardness between us. I wondered why this was so embarrassing for us both.
“I think you might be right,” her gentle voice dragged me from my thoughts. “It is so unlike you to be nervous or stressed - this meeting must have played with your head big time. You are all over the place. The next one will be so much easier, you’ll see. I think a good night’s sleep is what you need. Come on, off to bed with you.”
I nodded but still couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I stood and began to walk over to my bedroom door. I was almost there when I heard Angel’s voice.
“Issy, if there was something else on your mind, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?” Her voice was so small that it made me feel guilty for not telling her the whole truth. She was the only person that I had opened up to about my past - we told each other everything. I quickly rallied, telling myself that I didn’t even know for sure that my mystery man was real - that I hadn’t imagined him. Although I felt that it justified keeping recent events from Angel, the thought that I might be imagining things was not a comforting one.
I took a deep breath and turned towards her with a forced smile on my face. “Of course I would, Angel,” I said as convincingly as I could manage. Then I bolted into my bedroom before she could tell that I was lying.
Sleep evaded me for a long while so I decided to listen to my iPod in the hope that it would soothe me into sleep. I selected my rock ballad play list and then hit shuffle. A slow drumbeat that was so familiar to me made that it could have been my own heartbeat sounded in my ears. The beautiful rhythm that was usually a comfort blanket for my soul caused an ache deep in my chest that was so strong that I realized I was sobbing into my pillow. “Oh Daddy,” I whispered. “What is happening to me?”
Chapter 3
I awoke feeling restless and irritable. A hot shower and strong coffee did nothing to improve my mood before I left for my office and I found myself snapping my usual greeting at James as I left the apartment block. I failed to notice the lively chaos that was Manhattan in rush hour - there was one thought that was consuming my attention. As I entered the revolving door of the Orion Building and nodded to the guard, I resolved to find a way to determine whether the phantom was real or whether I was about to have a full on breakdown.
I automatically walked towards the elevator but, when I noticed that my heart was beginning to pound as I watched the indicator light slowly moving down towards the ground floor, I bolted for the stairs instead.