The Hot Shot(45)

"Keep telling yourself that," Rolondo mutters, as he checks on something in the oven.

"Fuck," North leans in. "Is that macaroni and cheese?"

"And cornbread," Rolondo adds.

"I'm hanging at your house more often." North is new, having signed at  the beginning of this season. The lucky bastard was a free agent at the  time and a superstar. Since our team was desperate for a good tight end,  he basically got to write his paycheck.

Then he promptly got hurt and has only just gotten back to being healthy. Something we all need, since he makes plays.

Rolondo goes about finishing dinner, ordering Dex to get the plates  since he's been here often, Jake to cut the cornbread, and for me and  North to get the hell out of the way.

"Why do they get special treatment?" Jake grouses.

"Manny cuts a finger," Rolondo says, "he throws shitty passes to me and it looks bad on me."

"And North?"

"It's his first time here. Stop asking questions and cut the damn bread."

Laughing, I help Dex with the silverware and we're soon eating the best  Southern style home cooked meal I've had since I can remember. "Damn,  Ro," I say between bites of tender ribs, "if you're in doubt about what  to do after retirement, you could easily find work as a chef."

He grunts, sucking a bone clean. "Me, Dex, and a couple of our friends  from college have been thinking about opening some restaurants. Get in  it early so we can learn what we're doing."

"No shit?" I glance at Dex who doesn't seem to notice but shovels macaroni in his mouth without looking up. "Could be fun."

Rolondo's gaze slides to Dex, and his expression turns thoughtful, but he doesn't linger. "Yeah. Never too early to plan."

"I hate thinking about the future," Jake says, grabbing another piece of cornbread. "Change sucks."

"Change will happen whether you like it or not, man." North takes a pull  on his beer. "Resist all you want, but it will get you."

"Like the Boogeyman, eh?" Jake says with a snort.

"I think about it," I say. "The future."

"Scares the shit out of me," Rolondo admits. "Not playing ball. But what can you do? Such is life."

"Not everything good in life revolves around football," Dex says in a  low voice. He glares around the table when we all go silent and stare at  him. "Please tell me you chuckleheads know this."

North sits back in his seat. "What, you mean women?" He rolls his eyes. "Try again."

"Finding someone to spend your life with matters," Dex insists in his quiet way.

North snorts. "Met a woman, fell hard. So hard, I insisted we get  married. Wanted to lock that shit down, you know." He flicks a crumb off  the table. "Had two good years before she got bored and fucked my  teammate. Well, three of them."

"At once?" Jake asks, almost as if he can't help himself. But then  blanches when North gives him a death glare. "Sorry, it just came  out … That's fucked up, man."

North sighs. "Maybe she did. Who the fuck knows."

Rolondo leans in. "So you think that because your wife ended up being a  cheater that it's all bullshit?" He shakes his head. "Man, do not give  her that power."

"I'm not." North scowls. "I'm just saying … " He makes an agitated sound.  "I don't know. Just don't put all your hopes on a woman."

"I'm not," Rolondo says succinctly.

"Or a man," North adds.                       
       
           


///
       

Ro' shrugs but doesn't look convinced.

I, on the other hand, am not liking this conversation. My chest is  getting tight, and I find myself blurting out what's on my mind. "Chess  and I got together over the bye week."

"What? Just now?" Rolondo's brows lift high. "I thought you've been hitting that since the beginning."

"Hey." I glare at him, and he holds his hands up in peace.

"Sorry, sorry. I thought you were having relations with Ms. Copper since you met her."

I roll my eyes and he laughs.

"Anyway," I say. "She has her insurance check so she can get a new place but-"

"Let her move out," North cuts in. "For the love of all that's holy, just let her go and take it slow."

Yeah. No.

"I get that you're coming off a bad relationship, but I don't see the problem with Chess staying. I want her to stay."

He utters a long suffering sigh. "You ever live with a woman?"

"I've been living with her for a while now."

"Yeah, but you haven't been fucking-having relations-with her until now."

Jake snickers, and I flip him off, as North keeps talking.

"Being roommates is one thing. You start sleeping with her and suddenly  she's going to expect more. Girlfriends have rights." He hold up a hand  and starts counting off on his fingers. "The right to know where you're  going. Where you've been."

"I don't mind telling her those things. I want her to know."

North's eyes drill into me. "The right to complain when your job keeps you away."

"That's true," Jake says. "They do complain."

"When have you had a relationship?" I scoff.

"I've dated. They always complain. Hell, hookups complain when you roll out of bed to gear up for practice."

Rolondo nods. "Fellas be talking about how their wives give them shit  all season. And you don't even want to know about training camp woes  they'll lay on your shoulders. Especially if you have kids."

Frustration claws up my throat, and I run a hand over my face. "You guys  are supposed to be making me feel better, not telling me this."

"Oh, is that what we're doing here?" Rolondo asks with a laugh.

I look at Dex who is still brooding. "You're living with Fiona. Help me out."

He stares at me for a long moment. "I don't regret living with Fiona for a second. I love it."

"See," I say to the doomsday crew, while gesturing toward Dex.

"But," Dex continues in that maddeningly methodical way of his. "I think she wants to cut and run on me."

"What?" Rolondo and I say at the same time.

Dex looks completely blank as he picks at his thumbnail. "She's  depressed about all this shit, and instead of turning to me, she's  retreating." It's almost ponderous the way he tries to lift his  shoulders in a shrug. "So I guess there's truth to what they're saying.  This life isn't easy on our loved ones. Not by a long shot."

I slump back in my chair, as the guys start peppering Dex about his  girl. My mind drifts to Chess. We always talk things out. Our  relationship is built on communication; we had that down pat before we  even touched each other. Chess wouldn't retreat.

Yeah, but she's been hesitant about you this whole time. She's one step  from freaking even now. How is she going to be for the long haul? When  you're gone more than you're around. Do you blame her? Who would want  that?

Heartburn hits me in a rush, and I rub at my chest. Fuck, why did I go  out with the guys? Ignorance truly is bliss. The future is a dark, murky  place I want no part of anymore.

North glances my way, his gaze knowing. "You're thinking about it now, aren't you?"

"Fuck you," I say without any heat. I know he's only looking out for me. I still hate him a little at the moment.

"Don't listen to all of this shit," Dex says in a low voice. "I have  friends who are in good relationships, happy relationships."

"Are you happy?" I can't help but ask.

He strokes his beard, clearly thinking about how to answer, which doesn't bode well. We all fall silent, waiting.

"I'm in flux," he finally says. "I'm in love with a woman, and she is my joy. And that scares the shit out of me."

The table is silent as we all take in his words. North nods slightly, looking so mournful, my heartburn rises.

"Am I happy?" Dex repeats. "Yeah. I'm happy as much as a clueless guy  can be. Am I at peace? No, not yet. But I'm working on that."                       
       
           


///
       

"I'm depressed," Jake announces, shoving his plate back from his place. "This conversation is depressing."

"We can't always be talking about the next Zelda expansion pass," I say, shoving my plate back too.

Jake rolls his eyes but then looks at me. "What are you going to do?"

"I asked her to stay with me. I can't take that back." I. Don't. Want.  To. "So I guess I'll proceed with caution and hope for the best."

Sometimes I really fucking hate that I can read people so well, because  my guys clearly think my new plan is crap. They're kind enough not to  say it out loud but the damage is done. By the time I head home in a  cab, I'm popping antacids, in a foul mood, and slightly drunk.