The moon hangs overhead, bright enough to illuminate the beach and shimmer off the ocean. I slow to a stop. Moonlight gleams white on the inky strands of Chess's hair.
Her eyes are big and worried as she stares up at me. "You didn't have to pay for that rat's dinner."
"He didn't have to give me those pictures. But he did."
"He was a creep to take them." She scowls at the ocean. "I wouldn't have done that to someone."
I sigh, letting the anger leach out of me. "He's a fan. It's what a lot of them do."
Her gaze returns to me, and a small smile curves her lips. "You handled it well. I would have just smashed his phone and told him off."
A humorless laugh huffs out of me. "Yeah, well, I was tempted. But that would have caused a shitstorm. It's easier to manipulate the situation with kindness."
"You're amazing," she says. But her expression is troubled.
I touch her cheek, tucking back a stray lock that whips in the wind. "I'm sorry about that. I wish I could say it won't happen again, but I can't guarantee that. Fuck, it probably will."
Chess curls a finger into the belt hoop of my jeans. It's a small touch, but I feel it like an anchor. Again, she watches the waves. "They've already taken pictures of me. Remember?"
I wince, my skin drawing tight. "I know. I'm sorry about that too."
"I know you are." Chess glances back at me. "It really upset you tonight, though."
My insides roll and the anger returns. "We were dancing, for fucks sake. It was … nice. I hate that some asshole ruined it."
She doesn't look away from me. "How do you stand it? People always wanting a piece of you?"
Oddly, no one has ever asked me that. "The payoff is worth it. Usually."
She bites her bottom lip. "I don't know if I could stand it."
It's as if she's pulled the rug out from under my feet. I actually clutch her wrist to keep steady. For a second, I concentrate on breathing. "I'll try to shield you from it, Chess. The best I can."
"But you can't, Finn. Not really."
I don't know what to say. She's right. And it scares me. I hate being afraid. It isn't an emotion I want to be familiar with. She could leave over this. And could I blame her?
Her brows knit. "It's something I'll have to learn to deal with on my own if I'm with you."
My face feels stiff, my voice stuck in my throat. "I guess it is."
She nods again, staring at the sea.
Arguments, persuasive and impassioned, flow through my head. But I don't say a word. I'm stuck there, standing in the sand. Some things I cannot change, no matter how much I want to. The fame that comes with football is one of them. If I do my job correctly, fame is something that will stick with me for a long time. And I would be lying if I said I didn't want that, even if fame comes with hassles. Because fame means I'm still in the game, that football still needs me.
///
I want to explain these things to Chess. But I can't find it in me to speak.
She so still, I have no idea what's going on in her mind. But then she moves, and I'm strung so tight, I almost flinch.
She takes a step closer and her hand cups my cheek. I find myself leaning into her touch as she rises on her toes and brushes her lips over mine. "The payoff is worth it, Finn."
I release a breath, and then haul her into my arms. I lean down, nuzzle the warm curve of her neck. "I'll do everything I can to keep you believing that, Chester."
Chapter Sixteen
Chess
* * *
JamesT.Twerk: Can we have dinner tonight?
I look up from my phone to Finn who is at my side as we drive home from the airport. It feels strange now, coming home. I don't really know what to expect. It was one thing when we were friends dancing around our attraction to each other. There was a bit of safety in pretending.
How do we go on now? We're both amateurs, really. Finn with a long history of casual sex and me with my inability to go beyond one or two dates with a man.
"What's up?" he asks me, his attention mainly on the road. He has a deep tan now, the ends of his hair almost blond from the sun.
"James wants to have dinner with me tonight." I tell Finn because I know that's what couples do: inform each other of their plans. But part of me feels stifled. Do I have to gain his permission?
Finn glances at me and a wry smile tugs at his mouth. "Why are you glaring at me? You think I'll object or something?"
Grimacing, I lean my head against the window. "I don't know." My hand reaches for him, resting on his strong thigh. If he's near, I want to touch him. Even when my mind is a mess. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing here."
He takes sets his warm hand over mine and gives me a squeeze. "You think I do? The likelihood of me fucking up here is fairly high."
I smile. "Thanks for the warning."
Smiling too, he gives my hand a pat. "Remember that when you get the urge to yell at me later."
"Maybe I'll be the one to fuck up."
"Maybe," he agrees, a cheeky grin lightening his expression. "Be forewarned, I like to dole out punishment in the form of cunnilingus."
A laugh burst from me. "Consider me forewarned."
"I'd like to say it will hurt me more than it hurts you, but that would be a lie."
He makes it too easy to smile, to laugh. Because he's there, and he's warm and strong, I rub my thumb along his thigh. I love the way it tenses and he moves it closer to me. I watch those big, long thighs part and my gaze goes to swell between his legs. He fills out his jeans well.
My naughty half wants to move my hand there and rub that big bulge, make him hard. I picture it, leaning down, taking him out of his jeans-
"Chess." Another squeeze on my hand. "You're going to get us run off the road."
My faze flicks up to his heated expression and then back down to where he's growing thicker. I lick my lips and he groans.
"Chess … "
"Sorry." I take my hand away from temptation.
Finn gives me a sidelong glance as he shifts a bit in his seat. "Don't ever be sorry about that. And, if I had any confidence that I could actually drive safely while you sucked my cock, I'd be all over that."
I laugh. And it feels good. But my mood quickly sobers. "My insurance money came in. All of it. I can buy a new place now."
The car goes quiet. Finn clenches the steering wheel. "You waited until I was driving to tell me that, didn't you?"
"Why would I do that?" But guilt rushes over my skin like a hot, itchy rash.
His long speaking look makes it worse. "So I wouldn't be able to persuade you with my best weapons."
He's right. Whenever he gets his hands on me, I can't think straight.
I glance at the road, watching traffic. "You'd try to persuade me?"
He makes a noise in his throat. "You serious? I've been dreading you leaving. You think that would change now that we're together?"
"No. But maybe we-"
"Don't say it," he warns.
"Should," I finish. "Things can get complicated."
"Then let's keep them simple."
So stubborn.
"We just got together," I say. "We should take time to get to know each other. What if we start living in each other's pockets and find out we get on each other's nerves?"
He scoffs. "We've lived to together for weeks, Chess. That discovery time has come and gone. We're awesome as roommates and even better as lovers."
///
The traffic comes to a stop when we reach a red light, and he turns to face me. His big body overwhelms the space. I can scent the soap he used in the shower. The soap I lovingly ran over every tight muscle while I'd showered with him this morning.
Finn's eyes meet mine, and I see the knowledge of what we do to each other in there. I see other things as well, feelings that make my chest tight and my cheeks heat.
"I'm crazy about you," he says softly. "I don't need time to figure that out."
"I'm crazy about you too," I whisper. "I'm just scared."
Before I can blink, he leans in and gives me a firm kiss. It's more tender than sexual. I need that more right now. How does he know to do that?
He pulls back and cups my cheek. "We're going to be okay."
A horn honking makes us both jump. Finn's smile is brief. "See? Discussing this in the car sucks. I'd totally be taking your clothes off if we were at home."
"My regret is an ocean."
"Smart ass."
"Besides," I say, "I'm going out to dinner with James when we get home."
"Right." Finn can't hide his disappointment. But it doesn't last because the man is definitely not a quitter. He nods as if deciding something. "I'll just have to fuck you later tonight."