The incredible thought had him placing her hand on her chest and him getting up and walking away from her.
“You’re confused,” Bethane said.
“I—I don’t know what happened,” he said, bewildered, and glanced over at Carissa. “I don’t know who she is.” He ran a rough hand over his face and shook his head. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Chapter 19
Carissa felt a weight on her as she woke. She struggled to open her eyes as if emerging from a fitful sleep that had claimed her much too long. She tried to move her arms, but was only able to get one free, and as her surroundings finally came into focus, she was stunned to see why.
Her arm was stuck under Ronan’s head as it lay on her stomach, his hands at her waist. With a tentative stretch of her free hand, she reached out and gently laid her hand on his head.
She smiled at the feel of his soft dark hair, and as she stirred the strands, the scent of fresh pine drifted off to tickle her nostrils. She carefully cleared his face of loose strands so that she could look upon him.
To her he was the handsomest man alive; though his features were more rugged than sculpted, there was something about him that caught the eye and made the heart jump. She felt that she had been lucky to get to know him first as a man, then as a warrior, for she found the man more courageous and kind than any warrior could be.
She never regretted pretending to be a slave when she had tended him, for if she hadn’t, she would have never gotten to know him. And he would have never gotten to know her.
She missed the time she spent with him as Hope. It hadn’t taken long for them to trust each other or to fall in love. It was as if they were meant to be, as if they had known each other long before meeting.
There was a comfort with Ronan she had never known and a safety she had always longed for but had never found. He was to Hope a hero, a man who would never fail her.
She traced a finger along and around one of his eyes, recalling how swollen both had been when she first had seen him. Her father had wanted to use him as a pawn against his brother, but she had somehow managed to convince him that it would be far better to have Ronan’s vision cleared so that both brothers could see each other during torture.
Her father thought that a splendid idea and ordered her to see to his care. That had been the only reason she had been permitted so much time with the prisoner. She had hoped to heal him, then somehow see him freed. She had never intended to fall in love with him.
But she had…and it had changed everything.
Ronan stirred, and she pulled her hand away, not wanting to be caught touching him. He moved slowly at first, then, as if realizing where he was, his head shot up and his wide eyes went straight to hers.
“Good morning,” she said with a croak to her dry throat.
He sat up, and the weight lifted off her, though to her way of thinking she had lost a shield of protection.
His hand went to rest at her brow, then on her cheek and with a smile he proclaimed, “The fever is gone.”
“Thanks to you.”
He shook his head. “No, thanks to Bethane.”
“That’s right. We’re not in the cottage anymore,” she said with a sadness that overwhelmed her. She would no longer be alone with him, no longer share a bed.
Silence settled over them as if neither knew what to say. Bethane broke the awkward moment when she entered the room.
Ronan hastily stood and stepped away from Carissa as if embarrassed that he had been caught in such an intimate pose with her.
Carissa felt rejected, and her sharp tongue took over. “No need for you to care for me anymore. Bethane will tend me.”
“Fine,” Ronan snapped, annoyed, and stormed out the door.
Bethane smiled. “He cared for and worried over you.”
Carissa struggled to sit up. “He did?”
Bethane nodded, helping her up. “And you cried out for him.”
“I did?”
“Yes, and he was there for you, refusing to leave your side. And I cannot believe that he walked all day pulling you on that makeshift sleigh to get you here.”
“I remember him putting me on the sleigh, but I recall nothing after that,” she admitted, to her chagrin.
Bethane sat on the bed beside her and rested a comforting hand on her arm. “He left here wanting you dead and returned wanting you to live.”
“How do you know that?” she asked anxiously.
“I asked him, and he told me that he wanted you to live. What happened while you both were gone?”
Carissa thought a moment, then whispered, “Everything.”
It wasn’t until that evening that Ronan returned to Carissa and only out of necessity. Bethane was called to a cottage to deliver a babe and she asked him to see that Carissa got supper.