The Highlander's Bride(68)
“In this situation, yes. I can’t afford to lose my heart to you, and you of all people should understand.”
He knew she spoke of Alaina and his feelings over losing her. Would he wish the same on her? But that would mean she…
“You can’t mean to say you love me!”
She hesitated. “I can’t mean to say I don’t or I do for sure, though it would be no chore loving you and your son. I have known you for a short time but I feel as if I have always known you, that somehow you have always been part of my life.”
He felt the same, though he couldn’t bring himself to say it. How could he? He had loved Alaina with all his heart. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for a woman he’d known for just over a week, and yet as she had said, it felt like he’d always been part of her life, and she part of his.
It made no sense, none of it, and yet it seemed perfectly clear.
“It’s foolish, I know,” Sara admitted with a sad laugh. “I tell myself it’s ridiculous, pure nonsense, that I’m lonely and you’re convenient and it will pass easy enough when you’re gone. I only need to get through this temporary madness and all will be well.”
“Madness?” he questioned softly.
She shrugged. “Better I deem myself temporarily mad than temporarily in love.”
“There’s really no difference between the two. Madness and love are synonymous and not temporary.”
Sara caught a quick breath. “Don’t tell me that. I thought to suffer this madness, assuming it would end.”
Cullen shifted his stance while actually moving closer to her. “It never ends. Love haunts with a never-ending madness.”
“I won’t have it,” Sara said sternly. “I refuse to—”
“Love?” he whispered near her ear.
She turned her face and their cheeks brushed before she murmured, “Yes.”
“You can’t refuse love. It claims you without consent or invite.”
“I’ll cast it away,” she said bravely.
“It will return with a vengeance and plunge you into the depths of its madness.” Their lips were so close that he felt hers quiver, and he was tempted to kiss the tremble away. He didn’t, though; he wanted her to submit to him. He wanted it to be her choice.
“I can’t love you. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Her pleading litany faded as her lips reached out for his.
He let her kiss him lightly, timidly, cautiously, but before she might regret her actions, he took command. His arm went around her waist, his hand grasped the back of her head, and his tongue plunged into her mouth to mate feverishly with her.
It was a kiss born of desperate need, of desire too long ignored and passion not quite understood but impossible to refute.
She returned the kiss with the same desperation, her fingers digging into his muscled arms.
They fought yet surrendered to the kiss, both unsure and certain at the same time. It was a strange feeling for Cullen to surrender to his need since he suspected it was more than an elemental need he’d satisfy. He didn’t want to accept the feelings that stirred deep inside him for Sara. He couldn’t betray Alaina, and yet Sara filled his soul.
He didn’t know how, and presently didn’t particularly care. He only knew for the moment that he wanted to be right where he was, holding Sara, kissing her, and damned if he didn’t ache like hell to make love to her.
Cullen halted their kiss with a start, his hands rushing to cup her face before pressing his forehead to hers. Between heavy breaths he said, “I want you.”
When she didn’t answer, he eased his face away from hers, while keeping her face cupped in his hands. Her glaring eyes told him that her desire warred with her pragmatic nature. At this very moment she fought herself, and he feared she would follow her head instead of her heart.
“Don’t deny yourself this pleasure, Sara.”
She eased away from him, his hands falling away from her face. “Is it pleasure I deny myself or heart-ache?”
“Only you can decide that, but only if you take the chance and taste lovemaking from a man who truly wants you.”
“But doesn’t love me. Will never love me. Will love only Alaina.”
“I have been nothing but truthful with you where that is concerned.”
She nodded. “That’s the saddest part of it all. You’ve been nothing but honest in that respect, so I cannot fault you. It is only my own foolishness I have to blame.”
He tried to approach her but she retreated from him. “This began as a challenging game. If it would make it any easier for you, know that I surrender more than willingly. I surrender without reserve and with great anticipation.”