The Highlander's Bride(44)
“It’s simple that way.” Her eyes saddened again, and again it hurt his heart. “It’s a bargain we’ve struck, no more, no less, and we’ll be done with it soon enough.”
Cullen nodded, his heart growing heavier with sadness. He had tasted love with Alaina and it was like nothing he ever experienced before. He wondered if he could truly find pleasure with a woman he didn’t love, though he cared for Sara. She was a good woman with a good heart. How would he feel making love to her?
No, not love, as Sara had reminded him. They’d simply be done with it, and that thought didn’t sit well with him at all.
They found a stream to stop by for the night and set up camp, each familiar and comfortable with their chores by now and completing them without question or complaint.
They had established a comfortable bond, and while it wasn’t actually an intimate one, it was a close one. He had come to rely on her in sharing the burdens of their journey, and she on him to keep her safe. At least he wanted to believe she felt that way, since he took his wife’s safety seriously.
The night air brought with it a chill, and the fire’s warmth was most welcome, along with the food they shared.
Cullen noticed that Sara had arranged their blankets on opposite sides of the campfire, and he wondered if it was her way of informing him that they wouldn’t be done with it tonight. He didn’t believe she feared their joining, so perhaps she was merely shy.
The thought almost sent him into a fit of laughter. Shy was not a word he would use to describe Sara. She was a curious woman who didn’t shy away from learning or experiencing anything.
Just from the few kisses they had shared, he sensed she would be a willing and curious lover. She was a woman who had passion for everything she did, and he had no doubt she’d approach sex with the same enthusiasm.
He wasn’t surprised that halfway through the meal she was blunt with him about the placement of the blankets.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for intimacy with you.”
“I can understand that.”
“You can?” she asked, astonished.
“Of course, we barely know each other—”
“No,” she interrupted, shaking her head. “Many couples wed barely knowing the other. I think the problem is that I do know you now.”
“Don’t find me appealing?” he teased, hoping to lighten her concern.
“You are appealing, again another problem.”
It was his turn to shake his head. “Explain.”
Sara brushed her hands free of crumbs and sighed. “It was easier when I didn’t know anything about you. You were a man in search of his son.”
“I still am.”
“Yes, but you’re also a man still deeply in love with the woman he loved, and a man willing to go to any lengths to rescue his son, a man of strength and character. A man to be respected.”
“Then what is the problem?”
“You’re a man I could easily fall in love with.”
Cullen was shocked silent.
“And I don’t want to do that, for then it would be hard to say good-bye to you, and know I would never see you again.”
“We’ve only met. You can’t possibly know that—”
“How long did it take you to know that you could love Alaina?”
He was hesitant to answer, but he did, and with honesty. “I knew I could love her when I first laid eyes on her.”
She smiled.
How did he argue with her? And why did he feel angry with her?
“This is nonsense,” he snapped, and tried to talk sense into her. “I was there when you needed a husband, and you are simply grateful for the rescue. You are feeling gratitude, nothing more.”
“Then why do I enjoy your kisses?” she asked with a soft distress.
Damn, if that knowledge didn’t stir his blood, and he was fast to dismiss it before it threatened him. “Because you’ve never been kissed before. It’s only natural you’d enjoy it.”
“I feel comfortable in your arms.”
He enjoyed the feel of her there. He near cursed himself for the intruding thought, and continued to try and convince her otherwise. “No man has ever offered you comfort, so of course you would favor the feel of my embrace. I am your first in many ways. It is common to feel as you do. It will pass.”
“Will it?” she asked with urgent hope.
“Yes,” he assured her. “Besides—”
“You could never love me.”
He shut his eyes a moment, and when he opened them, her blue-green eyes rested sadly on his face. She knew his answer.
“I loved Alaina.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“It isn’t love. It’s gratitude. Trust me,” he urged, while sadness squeezed at his heart. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to be truthful. She respected the truth. She would understand in time.