"I know how that feels."
"Then you get why that song feels so emotional. Maybe I'm just better at conveying my sad emotions rather than the happy ones. If that's the case, then I hope to never write a really good one about you."
I laughed. "This is hard. Way harder than I expected."
"The long distance part?"
"Yeah."
"We probably jumped into this too fast. You weren't ready. But that's my fault, not yours. I just needed to have you in my life whether it was good for you or not."
"That's not true."
"It is. You're nineteen and in college, you deserve to have a college life."
"What are you saying? Are you trying to break up with me?"
"No. Not at all." He touched the screen and all I wanted to do was actually feel his touch. "I'm far too selfish for that. But we can't do this the way we are. Listen, will you do something crazy for me?"
"Crazy?"
"Fly up to New York this weekend. I'll be there for a few days. Come see me."
"Fly up to see you?"
"I'll buy your ticket. I just need to see you."
"Really?" Would it be crazy to say yes? Less than twenty minutes earlier, I was ready to end our relationship.
"Yes. I don't want you doubting how I feel about you, and I know I can't prove anything over the phone. I want you to come to my home-I want you to see I'm not hiding anything."
Half of me wanted to say yes, but the other half warned me not to. Then I remembered what next weekend was and my decision was made. "I can't."
His face fell. "You can't or you won't?"
"Both." I swallowed hard. "First, I don't want to visit your home unless you're asking for the right reasons."
"What do you mean? The right reasons?"
"Before today, were you going to invite me? Be honest."
"I've been telling you how much I wanted to show you New York since I met you."
"Yes, but did you have plans to invite me?"
"No."
"Then you asking today is for the wrong reason. You feel bad, or you're afraid of us breaking up, or something. It's not because you want me there or because you need me there."
"I do want you there. I love you, Cara."
"And you know I'm in love with you, Chase. But love doesn't make up for everything else. I'm not trying to end things, I'm just trying to make sure we move things at the pace they're meant to be, and not at the pace we think they have to be. So, that's why I won't come."
"Is the can't reason different?" He crossed his arms. He was upset and wasn't going to hide it.
"This is a big weekend for me. I'm doing that live broadcast from the Charleston Showcase with Jade and Kyle. This is really big for us-for me. It's important."
"Of course. I completely forgot. Of course you need to be there." He sat up.
"A few months ago, I would have said yes. I would have thrown away an important opportunity to make a guy happy. But I'm not that girl anymore."
"And I'm glad you're not. I don't want you to be that girl. You don't have to bend to fit into my life. We fit just the way we are."
"Did you really just say that?" I laughed.
"Yeah, I think I did."
"I love you, my weird sexy boyfriend."
He smiled. "Are we okay then? Do I need to worry about you? About us?"
"We're fine. I'm fine. I just need you to be more open with me. I can't really be mad though because I hold back plenty from you."
"Anything I need to know about?" His eyes searched my face.
"I wasn't going to even confront you about this. I was going to just let us fade."
"The thing is, I wouldn't have let that happen. I already told you I'm too selfish to let you go."
"That's not being selfish. Being selfish would be telling me my show isn't important, or insisting that I drop everything for you. You've never asked that of me. I may have made fun of the bending analogy, but it's true."
"I just want this to work. I know we're different, but that isn't a bad thing."
"I was jealous of more than the lyrics you know." I felt the need to be honest.
"Oh?"
"I found a picture of you two on a website. You looked so good together-you matched."
"Sometimes matching too much isn't a good thing. Ever hear about opposites attracting?"
"Yes. But are we really opposites?"
"No. We're not. I discover how much more we're alike every time we talk."
"It's strange, isn't it? How two people can be alike without knowing it?"
He shifted on the bed. "Why were you at that party when we met?"
"My friend dragged me to stop me from moping over Aaron."
"And it was because of your hurt over Aaron that you did something crazy like hook up with a weird sexy guy like me?"
I laughed. "Pretty much."
"Did you ever wonder why I did it? Why I was out on that balcony that night?"
"Not really," I admitted. "I mean, I focused more on why you cared about me afterward."
"A few weeks before, I found out Ariana was engaged. It killed me. For months after the breakup, I pushed forward with the small hope that we'd get back together, that she'd realize it was all a big mistake. Her engagement destroyed any hope for that."
"Oh. That would be hard."
"Hard?" He laughed dryly. "Try impossible. I was up on that balcony avoiding the rest of my band so I could muster the nerve to tell them I was quitting. I was done. I was busy trying to figure out what else to do with my life."
"What?" I sat up straight. "You were going to quit?"
"We'd just signed with Interline, but I knew I couldn't uphold my end of the contract. I couldn't come up with any new material."
"Wow. I had no idea." Had I really been so oblivious to his mood?
"But then I met you. You did something to me with the first few words out of your mouth, and there was no turning back. After what happened on the beach-well, the block was gone. I wrote song after song about you and the way you made me feel."
"That's crazy."
"Not crazy, amazing. You weren't the only one who was broken, babe. We both were. The difference is you put me back together the first night we met. You took more work, but it's the kind of work I would dedicate my life to."
I started to cry again, but this time the tears were happy.
"I wish I were there to wipe those tears away for you." He watched me intently.
"These are the good kind of tears."
"Still, I should be there."
"You will be, and I do want to come up to New York to see you eventually."
"Yeah? That's good, because it's not something I'm going to drop. Maybe not this weekend, but another one."
"I miss you." I leaned back against my pillows, allowing my body to let off some of the tension that had been mounting all afternoon.
"I miss you too. I miss you every day and every night."
"Wow, this fight really brought out the sentimental side in you." What I didn't add is that it had done the same to me. The only thing I wanted to do at the moment was melt into his arms.
"Fight? Is that what this was?" He ran a hand through his hair. I wanted my fingers there.
"I think so, but it seemed more like a turning point. A fork stuck in the road so to speak."
"Think we're taking the right path?"
"We're staying together, so I can't imagine we're doing the wrong thing."
"I'd kiss you for that comment if you were here."
"Can't you blow me a kiss instead?"
He kissed his hand and blew the kiss to me. "Of course."
"Have a good show tonight."
"I will. I think I'm going to go write something new."
"I look forward to hearing it."
"I think you're going to like this one."
"Love you, Chase."
"Love you, Cara."
I hung up and set aside the tablet. I was exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of the day, and I decided to treat myself to a luxury I hadn't had in years. A nap. I hoped I'd get lucky and have a Chase dream. Considering everything, I figured I deserved it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I reached for my headphones as I sat on a stool under the large canopy that was saving us from the heat. Our makeshift booth served its purpose, and we'd successfully covered the event while interviewing four of the bigger bands. I was on an adrenaline high and ready to kick back and celebrate with my friends. Pretty much my entire sorority showed up for the event. That had to be a record for a number of sorority girls at a local music showcase.
"We have one more guest." Kyle's words had my hands hesitating on the headphones.
I glanced up. "Chase?" In no condition to speak, I watched him standing there in a nearly identical outfit to the one he was wearing when I met him. Mr. Blazer was back.
Jade, realizing I wasn't going to say anything on air, jumped in. "Wow, do we have a treat for you guys tonight. Chase, lead singer of Chance of a Lifetime, is here in the flesh."