Total damn lie.
"How soon will all this happen?" Barb asks, and I'm taken aback by the desolation I see in her eyes. She really has become fond of Connor. From what little I can tell, he may be the only person in the world she cares for.
After taking in a deep breath, Connor lets it out in exaggerated fashion through a forced smile and says, "Well, I'm positive it won't be tonight or for many nights. I can assure you that I'm fine."
"How long?" Barb presses him, and Connor's smile slides.
"Probably a few months," he admits in a soft voice, and Jillian's face goes back into the middle of my chest where I can feel her tears soaking through the cotton of my t-shirt.
Barb suddenly turns from our group and mutters, "I'm going to go take a shower."
But she doesn't turn fast enough that I miss the light film of moisture covering her eyes. Asshole Christopher would have called her out on it, but newly reformed and smitten Christopher lets her go with without a harsh word.
Absolutely no harsh words for any of them for showing a weakness such as sorrow or empathy, because fuck if I don't feel like I want to cry myself right now.
Chapter 30
"Is it too weird to ask if you'll come over and meet my parents after we get back?" Jillian asks as we walk north up the beach back to where we left Barb and Connor.
Her right hand is in my whole left hand. While I'm not ashamed to hold her with the half hand, I can feel every detail of her skin against mine this way. I give a slight squeeze that in no way lets her know the enormous impact her request makes upon me. Jillian and I haven't talked about what will happen when we get back to Raleigh. I think we've both been under the assumption that we'd continue to see each other, but I'll be the first to admit that I had some doubts.
How could I not after having had so many loved ones turn their backs on me?
"Think they'll totally blame me for inducing you to run off behind their backs?" I ask her.
"No, they completely blame me for that," she says with a laugh.
"Then count me in," I tell her as we walk along the shoreline. It's getting very close to sunset, and we want to get back to share that with Connor.
We'd been on Cannon Beach almost all day. After a quick breakfast of Pop-Tarts and orange juice at our campsite, we'd donned bathing suits covered with layers since the morning was chilly. As the day heated, the layers came off, but only Connor ventured into the chilly water. He seemed fine this morning, although he said his stomach still hurt a little, but at least Jillian and Barb didn't hover over him.
We pitched our blankets and hunkered down on the beach about a hundred yards from Haystack Rock with a cooler full of food, sodas, and beer. We people watched, played Frisbee, went for walks, and poked around in tidal pools. We napped after lunch, and then Connor had braved the cold water for a bit. I made out with Jillian when Connor and Barb went for a walk down the beach, and then we napped some more in the afternoon. Dinner was sandwiches of bologna and cheese along with potato chips right out of the bag. Barb and I drank a few beers while Jillian and Connor drank bottled water.
It was a great day.
Connor got to see the Pacific Ocean. Very soon, he's going to watch the sun sink into that same ocean.
The beach starts to get heavy with people coming out to see the sunset. Jillian and I plop down on our blankets next to Barb and Connor, the four of us sitting in a row facing the horizon. I'm worn out and beat from spending all day on a windy beach, but I also feel loose and relaxed as we take a moment to appreciate nature's beauty with our hands held up over our eyes to shield us from the brightness.
We watch in silence as the swollen, golden sun starts to drop lower and lower in the sky, until it's just hovering right over the edge of the world. It turns the blue waters orange with pink-tinged waves, and it starts to dull a little the lower it falls, allowing us to drop our hands from over our brows.
"There's not anyone in the world I'd want to see this with other than the three of you," Connor says softly, but his words carry true over the waves and wind to hit our ears. All three of us turn our heads to the right to look at him. He knows we're staring at him, so he turns to level us with an impish grin. "What? Can't I get sentimental?"
None of us say anything, and I can't speak for Jillian and Barb, but I've got a fucking lump in my throat so I can't say anything. Connor grins bigger, knowing he just punched us all in the feels, and turns his head to look back at the approaching sunset. I can feel Jillian turn her head back from my left, but I watch as Barb just stares at Connor for a long moment. Then she slowly raises her arm and drapes it around his shoulders. Leaning over, she places her head on his shoulder and mutters, "You're okay, kid."
Connor brings his hand across his chest and pats Barb on top of the head. "I know."
Jillian scoots closer to me. I wrap my arm around her in turn, pulling her tight. Looking down at her, I see her face is happy and sad all at once from the poignant moment we're sharing right now. It's the culmination of our journey, the end to what we started. While we all agreed to keep going on this trip, this is really what we came for. The big bucket-list item that Connor wanted to knock off.
The bottom of the sun seems to rest for just a moment on the horizon. While it feels like it's taken forever for it to get to this moment, now it starts to sink swiftly from our view. The waters turn darker until the orange and pink bleed together and turn red. The skyline above the sun is still light blue but tinged with dark purple as the night starts to come.
Within just a few minutes, the sun seemingly drops off the face of the earth until it's completely gone from our sight and nothing's left but a slight golden glow along the horizon.
I can't help but compare this to a boy named Connor, who will one day soon fade away from this world, but because he's become so influential to our group, I'm sure his glow will remain behind within us. I smile internally at myself over the fucked-up, mushy stuff I'm feeling right now, but it's like when Jillian opened the doors on my emotions, they started to run rampant.
Eventually, the sky darkens completely, turning from purple to black, and it's one of those amazing nights when the stars seem to hang so low you can reach out and touch them. I pull Jillian with me as I lay down on the blanket and look up at them. Barb and Connor also lay back, and we silently stare up at the night sky.
Lost in thoughts about life and death and the frailty of it all.
"Timon," Connor says in a raspy, nasally voice. "Ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?"
I have no clue what the fuck he's talking about, so I raise my head a little to look over at him. He's just lying on his back, hands tucked behind his head with a silent grin on his face. I see Barb grinning too.
"Pumbaa … I don't wonder, I know," Jillian says in what sounds like a Brooklyn wise-guy accent. "They're um … fireflies … that got stuck up in that big, bluish-black thing."
Huh?
Barb snickers and Connor snorts, but he replies, "Oh, I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away."
"Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas," Jillian says in the same accent.
Connor, using his regular voice, adds, "That was totally true with those stomach issues I was having yesterday."
Jillian's entire body jerks up as she starts to laugh, and Connor joins in. I look at Barb and she's laughing too, but more silently than the other two.
"What the hell are you guys talking about?" I ask in confusion, and that makes Jillian laugh harder until she rolls on her side and brings her knees to her chest.
Connor is laughing so hard that he farts, proving his stomach isn't quite settled down yet, and Barb laughs even louder.
"What?" I ask in frustration.
Barb sits up and tilts her head to look down at me. "It's like only a famous quote from one of the best movies ever."
"Can't be that famous," I retort.
Jillian sits up, pulling on my hand so I sit up too. "It's from The Lion King. You've never seen that movie?"
"Nope," I tell her, but I readily admit. "I've heard of it, obviously."
"How can you have not seen that movie?" Connor asks as he joins the rest of us in sitting up. "I thought every living being on the earth had seen that movie."
"Sorry, buddy," I say, disabusing him of that notion. "I didn't grow up in a household where Disney movies were a normal occurrence."
"That sucks ass," Connor says. "When we get back, we're going to have movie night at my house. We have a home theater and a real movie popcorn maker. It will be awesome."
"I'm in," Jillian says with a laugh as she settles in close to me again, winding her arm through mine.
"That means Christopher's in," Connor says with delight. He gives Barb a playful push on her shoulder. "You up for a Lion King movie extravaganza?"
Barb shakes her head and grimaces. "Sorry, kid, but do I look like someone who would watch a Disney movie?"
"Well, you clearly did at some point in your life because you recognized the line from the movie," Connor retorts.
"So I saw it when I was kid," Barb says with a smirk. "That was back when I still believed in Santa and thought the boogeyman was just a made-up thing."