Connor's parents were not all that crazy about him extending this trip, and it wasn't only because they missed him and were anxious to have him back in the fold. The clock was counting down for them too. Although they very much wanted him to have this trip, they are missing out on precious time with him. Connor's dad asked to speak to me, wanting some details on where we intended to go and a time frame for being home. I think he really wanted some assurances that everything was truly okay and that we weren't leading his son off on an adventure he'd never want to quit. I assured him everything was fine and laid out my plans going forward. I also assured him Connor was doing great and having the time of his life.
I obviously didn't tell him that the highlight was losing his virginity, because I'm pretty sure his dad would not like that, but for whatever reason, he trusts me with his son and I had to make sure things were really cool with Barb.
I expect her to lash out at me for questioning her at all, because … well … she's an angry woman ninety-nine percent of the time. Instead, her face sort of crumbles before she hides it away from me with a downward tilt of her head. Her shoulders slump and her voice is small … the smallest I've ever heard it. "I would never hurt Connor."
"I know you wouldn't," I automatically say, but up until that very moment when I heard the angst in her voice, I didn't know that for sure. But I believe her now. It's the only time I've ever seen Barb feel for another person in a deep way.
"We talked last night," she says as she raises her gaze to mine, and I can tell by her expression she's bothered by his impending death. "A lot. Not only about what happened with us, but about life and death. We talked for hours after. Trust me when I say that Connor is probably the most mature out of all four of us in this group. He has a better handle on what happened between us than I do."
My chest constricts inward as I realize that Barb has actually opened herself up and let someone inside her narrow little world. Who would have ever thought a pimply faced teenager with a death sentence would do it?
"Alright," I say as I turn toward the buildings where I can see Jillian and Connor waiting for us. "It's all cool then."
Barb doesn't respond, just follows me across the parking lot.
♦
And holy fuck, it's cold up here. The temperature was in the low seventies at the base of the mountain when we arrived, but by the time the tram got us to the top, it had dropped almost thirty degrees. We were told to expect this by the paragliding company, but none of us had planned for this type of cold while driving across the United States in late July.
Jillian's heaviest coat is a light windbreaker and she's shivering, even as she stares around in awe. As I look out over the valley, which is rich with horse pastures, swaying grasses, and fragrant sagebrush, I realize it's weird sitting at the top of a cold mountain with patches of snow still all around while doing so. It's like standing in one world while looking at another.
I offer Jillian my heavy denim jacket but she refuses, telling me it's going to be a lot colder for me than it will be for her as she's taking the tram back to the bottom of the mountain after we launch.
Poor Barb … I don't think the girl owns a pair of jeans without rips in them, but at least she has a thick leather jacket on.
Connor is next to me, getting strapped into the harness with his pilot. We'd spent almost half an hour getting instruction as a group-there was a total of seven of us taking these flights-and now it was almost go time.
"You okay?" I ask him, because his face is a little pale and I can see sweat glistening just above his brow. His bald head is covered with a knit cap I loaned him.
"I'm fine," he says as an assistant helps to buckle him in the harness in front of his pilot.
"You're pale," I point out.
"I'm one month past my last chemotherapy, I'm dying, and I'm getting ready to jump off a mountain," Connor says dryly. "I've got reasons to be pale."
I laugh as his instructor's head pops up at this news, and Connor grins back at me. I thought my own pilot's eyes would bug out of his head when he asked me if I had any physical restrictions that he needed to be aware of before we launched. I'd pulled the bottom of my jeans up so he could see my C-leg and told him that while I could run, I couldn't run as fast as he could. After he got over the shock, he assured me we really didn't need to run hardly at all. Once the chute above us filled with air, it would practically lift us off the mountain when we were ready to go.
As my pilot helps to get me secured into the harness, I take another look at Jillian. She's watching me with hooded eyes, so I jerk my head in an indication I want her to come closer. She walks up to me, arms wrapped around her middle for warmth and her head tilted to one side.
I ask her the same question I just asked Connor. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she says with a small smile. "Just worried."
"You're the eternal optimist," I point out with a grin. "You can't be worried."
"You're getting ready to run off the side of a mountain," she returns dryly. "My optimism has limits."
"This is perfectly safe," the instructor behind me says, but Jillian and I ignore him.
I crook my finger at her, beckoning her closer. She does … close enough I can put my hand behind her neck and pull her in for a brief kiss. Our intimate relationship is so fucking new, and yet, casually kissing her right now seems so damn natural. Not a single awkward moment for me, and I can't fathom how I can be so open to this. How I could have been so jaded just days ago, and now it feels right that Jillian should be the last thing I see before I jump off the mountain, and that her kiss inspires within me the knowledge that my life is going to be just fine.
When I pull back, I tell her something I'd been thinking about last night just before I fell asleep. "You're a cup-half-full kind of girl."
She nods with a smirk. "True."
"I'm a cup-half-empty kind of guy," I add.
"Also true."
"Both of our cups are still missing something." My thumb rubs along the side of her neck, and it doesn't matter that it's scarred and missing compatriot fingers.
"About four ounces each," she quips, but I can tell she knows where I'm going with this.
"You put us both together and we're full," I tell her tenderly.
The pilot I'm strapped to shifts uncomfortably behind me, I'm sure feeling completely awkward to be witnessing this.
"Okay, you're freaking me out," Jillian says with a playful push on my chest. "You can't go from asshole to romantic in just a few days."
The pilot gives a slight cough.
I grin at Jillian as she backs away. "See you down at the bottom."
"Hopefully in one piece," she calls back to me.
The aide who was checking Connor's harness comes over to me and does a lot of pulling and checking of straps. He gives me a thumbs-up and moves down the line.
"You ready?" the pilot behind me asks, and a surge of adrenaline leaves my skin tingling in its wake.
I nod my answer but turn my head to the left to look at Connor. "You ready?"
He nods back at me, face still pale, but there's excitement sparkling in his eyes. I look past him to Barb on his other side. "You ready?"
She gives me the smallest hint of a smile and nods back. "Ready."
And out of the three of us, I'm sure she is because she probably doesn't care if she lives or dies. In fact, she might even be hoping for a rip in one of the baffles that will help to keep her airborne.
"All clear," I hear shouted from the end of the line of seven people strapped to seven pilots, prepared to hurtle ourselves off the side of a ten-thousand-foot mountain.
I look back to Connor. "You scared?"
I'm asking about this moment as we prepare to experience a thrill of a lifetime, but I could be asking about life in general.
He nods. "Scared shitless."
That answer could be about us leaping off a mountain or about the fact he'll probably die before the year ends. It could be about so many things, least of which is what we're about to do.
"Okay," my pilot says behind me as he gives a last pull on my harness. "We're ready."
"How about you?" Connor asks as I watch him and his pilot get prepared to run for the edge. "You scared?"
I look over my shoulder at Jillian and she gives me a thumbs-up signal, her smile encouraging. Her belief in me is contagious.
Looking back at Connor, I tell him the truth. "I'm scared shitless too. But there's no reward without the risk, right?"
"Right," he says with a firm nod of his head.
"Then let's do this," I say as I turn my gaze to look over the valley spread wide before me. It's fine … because I know Jillian and my future wait below, and my future is nothing like I thought it would be just a few short days ago.
Chapter 27
Eight weeks ago …
My fingertips pushed against the large stack of mail on the tiny, wobbly kitchen table. I hadn't been through it in days, and I really didn't want to go through it at all, but the voice mail I'd just listened to from a woman named Mags had motivated me slightly.