Leaning down, I brush my lips against Jillian's temple as I wrap my left hand around the back of her neck. Pressing my cheek to the top of her head, I tell her, "Jillian … you can kiss me, hug me, hold my hand, or jump my bones whenever you feel like it. Sound good?"
"Sounds good," she murmurs.
Pulling back, I take her by the shoulders and turn her toward her room. "Good … now go in there and convince Barb she wants to extend the trip. Then we're off to go paragliding."
"On it," Jillian says as she hurries up the steps.
I wonder if she'll call her parents and tell them, or if she'll just send them a text. She hasn't said anything more about them since she called them yesterday morning while I was fishing with Connor, and I didn't think to ask. But I should ask, right? I mean … I think we're in a relationship. We're definitely friends. We've definitely exercised benefits. I like her, and she likes me. She still fascinates me, and she makes me want to learn and experience more about this new life that's unfolding before me.
Yeah … I should ask her. Should ask a lot more about her if this is going to be something that grows between us. I remember enough about my time with Maria to know that relationships take work. They require communication. It's a give and take.
Suddenly, a wave of sadness overcomes me as my mind goes to my family in West Virginia. The parents and siblings who couldn't handle what happened to me and the one brother I had who at least tried to support me. And I turned him away and haven't talked to him since, other than an occasional text exchange.
Filled with an almost painful need to assuage the feeling of guilt that's now pulsing within me, I pull my phone out and dial Hank's number.
He answers on the second ring, sounding both elated and cautious at the same time. "Christopher … is that you?"
I give a small cough to clear the emotion from my throat. "Yeah … it's me."
"How are you, bro?" he asks, and I have to smile. I've missed his voice.
Fuck … I've missed him.
"I'm doing good," I tell him as I lean back against my vehicle. "I'm in Idaho actually."
"No kidding. What are you doing out there?"
"I'm on a trip with some friends," I tell him, and that makes me smile too. They weren't my friends just a few short days ago. My how fast things can change.
"Cool," he says. I can hear the relief in his voice that he's talking to me and that I haven't been an asshole yet. "So what made you decide to take a trip?"
I brush my fingertips over the stubble on my chin and wince internally when I tell him, "I sort of got in some trouble with the law. Got ordered into group therapy to avoid jail. Not sure how it happened, but I got talked into taking this trip with the people in the group, and well … it's actually not what I expected it would be."
There's a scant second of silence before Hank says, "You sound happy, Christopher."
"Listen," I say as my voice cracks a little, because I'm not ready to admit that happiness is real or genuine for the long term. "The reason I'm calling is … well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you. For telling you to leave and not come back."
"Hey, man," he says in a soothing voice. "You had some messed-up shit you were dealing with. I never begrudged you your anger or the way you tried to handle it."
"We're good?" I ask hesitantly.
"Yeah, we're more than good," he says, and I can feel a weight lift from my shoulders and evaporate around me.
He continues. "Now, tell me about this trip. Who are the people with you?"
Smiling, I remember Jillian underneath me last night and her total acceptance of the incomplete me. I know Hank would really like Jillian if they ever met.
"Well, there's this girl … " I start off, and then I tell him everything.
Chapter 26
Jackson, Wyoming is a popular destination in the short summer months. There's an abundance of outdoor activities, each one providing a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree panoramic view of some of the most stunning scenery I've ever seen. The crown jewel of the area is the Teton Mountain range that runs north/south on the eastern edge of Wyoming, just across the Idaho state line.
I'm not a well-traveled man. I went from West Virginia to Parris Island, South Carolina for boot camp, and then to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina where I was stationed. From there, I've been to the Helmand River Valley in Afghanistan, a brief but entirely unconscious trip to Landstuhl to get stabilized, then back to the States where I spent months trying to recover from my injuries. Outside of that, I've seen the states we've driven through to get here. While my experiences may be minimal, I'm pretty positive I'll never see anything as beautiful as the Teton mountains in Wyoming.
It takes us only about an hour and a half to get there from Ashton, Idaho. Along the way, Jillian was able to get noon reservations so we could go paragliding. We lucked out and got reservations for three of us due to a last-minute cancellation. I have to think it's providence of some sort that's allowing Connor to have another bucket-list item checked off.
Of course, there's four of us and only three slots, but Jillian quickly and gladly gave up a spot. She said she had no desire to go paragliding. Connor and I teased her mercilessly about it, but then she set me way fucking back on my heels.
"Tease all you want," she'd said back to us primly. "But I'm more likely than not to have a heart attack if I run off that mountain with the shape my heart is in."
I wasn't prepared for the feeling of dread and unease that statement provoked within me. I sometimes get so focused on Jillian's impending blindness that I forget she has a serious heart condition too. She could actually die without warning, and I had to choke back the nausea that welled within me.
I wasn't ready to let her go.
Another horrifying thought had slammed into me, and I'd whipped my head toward her. I muttered low, but I know the others heard me, "Is it safe for you to have sex?"
Jillian busted out laughing. After I let her get through it, tears and all, she was finally able to say, "Christopher … my heart is weaker than an ordinary person's, but it's not really in danger of giving out right now. It could get worse later, but maybe not. But to reassure you, I'm good to have sex. And I'm using the heart excuse because I'm just too terrified to jump off a mountain."
I was so relieved I didn't care that the others were listening in. But if I had any question as to whether my feelings for Jillian are real or merely a product of so desperately wanting something good for once, it was dispelled by the terrible roiling of fear that went through me when she teased she could have a heart attack if she jumped off the mountain. Whether that would happen or not, I realized … having someone like Jillian in my life is as complicated as her having someone like me. Sometimes, I get so dazzled by her brilliance and spirit I forget she's as physically broken as I am.
Needless to say, Connor and I didn't tease her about her clear fear of paragliding again.
Rendezvous Mountain is what we'll be jumping off. It's at the southern end of the Teton range with a peak of over ten-thousand feet. Connor wanted adventure. We'll be strapping ourselves to a paraglide pilot, who will sit in a harness underneath a baffled chute, and we're going to run off the edge of the mountain and fly down to the ground.
After we park at the Teton Village, which sits at the base of Rendezvous Mountain, Jillian and Connor scramble out of the vehicle. Their little hamster bladders are at the point of bursting since we were on a time crunch to get here and I wouldn't stop. They take off running to the large crop of buildings at the base of the mountain, while Barb and I take our time. She rummages in her backpack for her earbuds, and I'm betting she's going to have some crazy jams cranked as she flies through the air.
After she puts her pack in the rear cargo area and I lock up the SUV, we start walking in the direction that Jillian and Connor took off in. I'm glad for the moment alone with her because we need to have a serious conversation, although I intend to keep it short.
"Tonight … I'm going to sleep with Jillian," I tell her.
She turns her head and shoots me a look that says, No shit, Sherlock.
I forge ahead, because I know what I just said wasn't a surprise. It also isn't the reason we needed to talk. "Do you want to get a separate room?"
"Nah," she says without looking at me. "I'll just take your bed or sleep in the Suburban again."
I know I should tread carefully and handle this with some sensitivity, but honestly, our walk isn't going to last very long until we run into Jillian and Connor, so I get to the point. "Are things cool with you and Connor?"
Barb stops so abruptly that I take two more paces before I can stop myself. I turn to face her, and she looks pissed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she grits out.
"It means I'm worried that he's seventeen years old and you just provided him with his first and only sexual experience last night, and I'm not sure what expectations he'll have tonight if you stay in the room with him," I tell her candidly.