The Hard Truth About Sunshine(30)

"I do mean it," I growled over my shoulder. "Stay the fuck away. Tell everyone to stay the fuck away."





Chapter 23





Present day …

"You good?" I call out to Connor as I rake my fingers through my wet hair, scrutinizing myself in the mirror as I wonder if I should shave.

"I'm good," he calls back, then deepens his voice a bit to a serious tone. "Go have fun …  but not too much fun."

I grin at myself in the mirror. Just before my shower, I'd told Connor I was going to see if Jillian wanted to go for a walk along the small stream that ran alongside our joined rooms.

We'd made it out of the western side of Yellowstone into Montana and headed south into Idaho, making it to Ashton where there were hotels around seven PM. We were all in agreement we wanted hot showers, mattresses, and TVs, as well as a meal that wasn't hot dogs.

We lucked into a cool motel that sat on a small stream-which was really just a wide ditch with-slow moving water. The motel was clean and had a restaurant attached. Connor knocked off another bucket-list item by ordering Rocky Mountain Oysters, and Jillian gagged the entire time he ate his bull testicles. After dinner, we splurged on two rooms that were duplex-like cabins, with Jillian and Barb taking the left room and Connor and me taking the right.

When I walk out of the bathroom, I find Connor laying on one of the beds, eyes roaming over something on his smartphone. His gaze lifts, and he smirks at me. "Is this like your first date or something?"

"I'm just seeing if she wants to go for a walk," I grumble. The little ditch filled with water had a nice concrete pathway that ran alongside it with decorative light posts every twenty feet or so. The light reflected off the water, the stars hung low in the sky, and …  fuck …  I guess this would be a date by ordinary definition.

"Be nice," Connor teases with a smile.

I start to say I'm always nice, but I'm not. So I smirk at him and say, "Fuck off."

His eyes narrow at me and turn hard. He's not teasing now. "Seriously …  be nice."

"Or what?" I ask, completely amused by his overprotective nature. "Gonna beat me up?"

Connor just shakes his head. "Nah …  no way I can beat you up. But I'd poison you or something. I'd be stealthy about it too."

I blink at him several times, wondering if he's serious or not. Regardless, it doesn't really matter because I intend to be nice to Jillian. I have no reason not to be. On the contrary, she seems to bring out the fucking best in me for some reason.         

     



 

For a brief moment, I fantasize about what it would have been like had I been with Jillian when I was injured. A woman who hasn't once shied away from my assholery or deformities. Who looks past the broken pieces to see the whole.

She never would have betrayed me.

I bet she would have been by my side the entire time.

A wave of longing and bitterness swells through me. I wonder why I didn't deserve that then, and I sure as hell don't get why I do now.

"I'll be nice," I admit in a low voice, and Connor's eyes lighten. "Be back later."

I pull on my flannel-lined denim jacket as it's a little chilly out. I'll need to remind Jillian to grab hers, although if she forgets, I could be all kinds of chivalrous and offer her mine. Or we could cuddle. Or kiss. Something to warm up.

I'm chuckling to myself by the time I walk out our cabin door, take two paces to the left, and knock on theirs.

Almost immediately, the door swings open. Barb stands there looking wholly unsurprised to see me. She just cocks an eyebrow.

"Thought I'd see if Jillian wanted to go for a walk," I mutter, a little embarrassed to look like a love-struck puppy to this hardened, skeptical woman.

To my surprise, Barb grins at me. "She's just finishing up her shower. You can come in and wait."

I step inside, noting their room looks the same as ours, right down to the same style of bed coverings and wall art-all western themed. I can hear a blow dryer running in the bathroom.

Barb doesn't close the door, but rather reaches down to the floor where her backpack is. She pulls it up, unzips a side pocket, and reaches inside as she steps up to me.

Steps up really, really close to me. I want to take a step backward because I have no clue what she's doing, and I'm even more confused when she pulls a condom from the side pocket. Just as I start an internal freak-out and try to come up with a good excuse to put Barb's advances off, she slaps the condom to my chest and says, "You can stay the night. I'll go bunk in the Suburban or on the other bed in your room."

"What?" I ask as my hand comes up to take the condom. I stare down at it in horror. This was not in my game plan tonight, but fuck if I don't like the possibility of what she's suggesting.

"Fuck her, dude," Barb says as she zips the pocket back up. "You two are making goo-goo eyes at each other, and it's nauseating. Bang her, get it out of your system, or take it to a deeper level, but don't tell me you don't want it."

I lean in toward Barb, jerk my head toward the bathroom, and mutter, "Yeah …  but does she want it?"

Barb snorts, steps back, and points a mocking finger at me. "Do you really think I talk to Jillian about shit like that?"

Not really, but I still ask, "Has she said anything?"

Barb smirks at me. "You'll figure it out, champ. See you in the morning."

What a bitch.

Sort of.

She gave me a condom, which is something I do not have nor considered buying. Never thought I'd get an opportunity with Jillian. Not sure either of us is ready.

The bathroom door opens, and I hurriedly shove the condom in the pocket of my jeans. Jillian steps out dressed in what I think are pajamas. The bottoms are loose and flowing with blue and silver stripes, she's wearing a navy-blue V-neck t-shirt, and it's completely obvious to my pervy eyes with just a quick glance …  no bra.

She jolts when she sees me, but then immediately relaxes. Tilting her head, she asks, "What are you doing here?"

"Came to see if you wanted to take a walk, but it looks like you're ready for bed," I tell her.

Immediately, I correlate that she's ready for bed and I've got a condom in my pocket, and I suddenly realize I probably should get the hell out of here.

"Where's Barb?" Jillian asks.

"She …  um …  she …  well … " I stammer, the collar of my long sleeve shirt suddenly feeling tight around my neck.

"What's wrong with you?" Jillian asks as she walks toward me, and my mind races with a million lies that will get me safely out of here without embarrassing myself. But as she comes to stop in front of me, I take in her curious expression and her easy smile as she waits for me to answer. The knowledge that she's one of the nicest people I know prompts me to give into the crazy situation.

"I came over to see if you wanted to go for a walk, but Barb shoved a condom at me and told me to have fun with you. That she was going to bunk in either the Suburban or over in Connor's room so I could stay all night," I blurt out.

I expect some or all of that to offend Jillian, but her eyelids merely droop a little more as her lips curve into a bigger smile. It's sexy amusement at its finest, and the sexy part is confirmed by the husky tone of her voice. "So my choices are to go for a walk or to stay in here with you and a condom?"         

     



 

Christ.

Be a good guy, be a good guy, be a good guy.

"My only hope was for a walk," I say neutrally. "The condom was all Barb."

"But you didn't refuse it, right?"

I swallow hard. "It's in my back pocket," I tell her in a low tone.

She leans slightly toward me, and I can smell whatever shampoo she used. I can't quite identify it, but it smells fruity. Sunshiny. It smells like Jillian.

Holding a hand out, palm up, she says, "Let me see the condom."

Reaching into my back pocket, I hold her gaze as I grab the foil packet. I place it in her palm and watch as she looks at it briefly before saying to me, "I think we should stay in."

"Jillian," I rasp out, completely turned on and ready to hop in bed, but equally ready to jet out in fear. I don't know if I'm ready for this, and that sounds like such a pussy thing to say even inside my head, but I'm freaked out about her seeing …  well, all of me.

"Unless you're not attracted to me," she says as her smile falters.

I roll my eyes. "I'm totally attracted to you, and you know that."

"Then what's the problem?" she asks.

Reaching out, I take a lock of her blonde hair and rub it between my thumb and forefinger. The skin there was also burned in the explosion, and I only have nominal feeling. Still, I like being able to touch her without her flinching or pulling away.

Raising my gaze to hers, I try to protect my man card and deflect my insecurities at her. "I'm not sure you're ready for this."

A rich, husky laugh emanates from those beautiful lips as she places the hand not holding the condom to my chest. "Christopher, just because I've been heavily sheltered by my parents the last few years doesn't mean I'm naive or innocent. I'm a big girl, and I can make my own decisions."

"That's not what I'm-"

"Unless you're not ready for this," she guesses …  a little too accurately. "In that case, we can wait."