She took a deep breath, expelling the emotion. She didn’t want to feel guilty for going out or to feel guilty that John was accompanying her. She reminded herself that he was merely doing his job, keeping her safe in case Pavel turned up.
Tina poked the end of the strap through the buckle and stood up, facing herself in the mirror. The dress, if anything, was slightly baggy in places it probably hadn’t been baggy before. She didn’t possess a set of bathroom scales – she had never been one for weighing herself. Of a naturally slim build, she used the tightness of her clothes to determine whether she had gained or lost weight. The past five years had taken their toll on her and she had been aware at one point that her weight was plummeting, hitting rock bottom along with her grief. If it hadn’t been for Dimitri, his mere existence giving her strength to pick herself up, Tina wasn’t sure where she would be now. She had put the weight back on, but not to the comfortable size twelve she had previously been. These days a size ten gave her plenty of room, it wasn’t a great look for someone so tall, but she usually managed to get away with loose-fitting clothes to disguise the bony skeleton underneath.
However, she had felt in the last 18 months or so she was getting something of a figure back, but the last few weeks her nervous energy seemed to be having an adverse effect.
When she had dropped Dimitri off at her parents’ house that evening, her mum had commented on her appearance.
‘Is everything all right, darling?’ said Pam. ‘Only I noticed during the last week or so you were looking very tired and a bit drawn and sallow.’
Tina had laughed it off. ‘Oh, mum, you know how to make a girl feel good about herself, especially when she’s just off on a night out.’
Tina had kissed her mum and told her not to worry, that everything was fine. It was probably due to being busy at work. She wasn’t sure her mother had been convinced, but the older woman had said no more of it. The last thing Tina wanted was for her mum to start worrying about her. Any mention of Pavel was strictly off the agenda. Her parents had been most disgusted that none of the Bolotnikov family had kept in touch with Tina after the death of their son-in-law and were even more anti the Russian contingent once they learned that Tina was pregnant. No, mentioning Pavel would certainly be a bad move.
Tina squirted a dash of perfume on her wrists and rubbed them together before gathering her small shoulder bag and going downstairs.
John was waiting in the living room. As she walked in, Tina was aware she had taken a large and loud intake of breath. She was also aware John had done the exact same thing. They looked at each other and laughed.
‘Well, don’t you scrub up well?’ she said casting an approving eye over his grey chinos and pale-blue shirt.
‘You don’t look so bad yourself,’ he replied. He looked down at himself. ‘I hope it’s okay, only I haven’t got a great selection with me in my travelling wardrobe.’
Tina looked over at his holdall on the sofa. ‘I think you’ve done very well, considering.’
John held out his arm. ‘Shall we?’
Tina hooked her arm through his. ‘Yes, let’s.’
The birthday party was a bit starchy at first and after thirty minutes of circulating amongst other guests and explaining that John was ‘just a friend’, Tina was regretting her decision to invite him along. Fay had bailed out at the last moment, citing a headache. Tina wished she had had the foresight to do the same.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said after her boss’ sister had subjected her to a particularly long interrogation. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if Jessica came back with her clipboard and a whole survey for you to complete.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ said John.
‘Although, I must compliment you on your new identity,’ said Tina. ‘You’ve got a great imagination. I mean, who would have thought I’d be bringing along John, an accountant from London who I met through a friend at a party. That’s John who also has his own pad in Fulham and left school and worked his way up through the firm of accountants. It’s like you’re a professional at this. The original hustler.’
John shrugged and grinned, but didn’t mask the uncomfortable look that lingered behind his eyes. A moment of awkward silence sliced between them before John spoke. ‘I had to come up with something. It was the first thing that came to mind.’
‘And how much of that was the truth and how much fabrication?’ said Tina. She injected a light-hearted tone to her voice. John was, no doubt, just uncomfortable having to lie about himself to her boss and his wife. After all, he was a policeman, so it wasn’t in his nature to tell lies.