I gave him a smile and nodded. “It’s fine, really.”
It was a lie.
Ever since he mentioned that feelings for me lived inside of his chest, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. But, since he had been brave enough to be more like me by feeling everything that night, I was forcing myself to be more like him by trying to feel a little less.
I wondered if this was what his whole life was like, feeling everything only in the shadows.
“Okay.”
As we pulled up to the airport, I climbed out to help him with his suitcases. I grabbed Talon from the back seat, and Graham held her so close to his chest. His eyes glassed over as he looked at his daughter.
“It’s only three days,” I told him.
He nodded once. “Yes, I know, it’s just…” His voice dropped and he kissed Talon’s forehead. “She’s my world.”
Oh, Graham Cracker.
He made it so hard not to fall for him.
“If you need anything, day or night, call me. I mean, I’ll be calling you every break I get.” He paused and bit his bottom lip. “Do you think I should cancel and stay home? She had a bit of a fever this morning.”
I laughed. “Graham, you can’t cancel. Go to work, and then come back to us.” I paused at my word choice and gave him a tight smile. “Back to your daughter.”
He nodded then kissed her forehead once more. “Thank you, Lucille, for everything. I don’t trust many people, but I trust you with my world.” He touched my arm lightly before handing Talon over to me and leaving.
The moment I placed Talon in her car seat, she started screaming, and I tried my best to calm her down. “I know, little lady.” I buckled her in and kissed her forehead. “I’m gonna miss him, too.”
The next day Mari asked me to take a bike ride with her, but since I had Talon, it became a stroller hike. “She’s just beautiful,” Mari said, smiling down at Talon. “She has Mama’s eyes, just like Lyric, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yeah, and Mama’s sassiness, too.” I laughed as we started walking toward the beginning of the trail. “I’m glad we’re finally getting to spend some time together, Mari. I feel like even though we live in the same apartment, I hardly ever see you. I didn’t even get to ask how seeing Sarah went.”
“I didn’t see her,” she blurted out, making me pause my steps.
“What?”
“She wasn’t even in town,” she confessed, her eyes darting around nervously.
“What are you talking about, Mari? You were gone all weekend. Where were you?”
“With Parker,” Mari said nonchalantly, as if her words weren’t drenched in toxicity.
My eyes stayed narrowed. “I’m sorry, come again?”
“A while back, he stopped by Monet’s again when you were out, and I agreed to see him. We’ve been talking for a few months now.”
Months?!
“You’re mad.” She grimaced.
“You lied to me. Since when do we lie to each other?”
“I knew you wouldn’t approve of me seeing him, but he wanted to talk to me about things.”
“Talk about things?” I echoed as anger rocketed through me. “What in the world could there be to talk about?” Her head lowered, and she started tracing her shoe in the dirt. “Oh my gosh, he wants to talk about getting back together, doesn’t he?”
“It’s complicated,” she told me.
“How so? He walked out on you during the worst time of your life, and now he wants to walk back in during the best.”
“He’s my husband.”
“Ex-husband.”
Her head lowered. “I never signed the papers.”
My heart shattered.
“You told me—”
“I know!” she cried, running her hands through her hair, pacing back and forth. “I know I told you it ended, and it did. Mentally, I was done with my marriage, but physically…I never signed the papers.”
“You have got to be kidding me, Mari. He abandoned you, when you had cancer.”
“But still…”
“No. No ‘but still’. He doesn’t get a pass, and you lied about being divorced! To me! You’re supposed to be my person, Pea. We’re supposed to be able to tell each other everything, and this whole time you’ve been living a lie with me. You know what Mama always said about lying? If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it anyway.”
“Please don’t quote Mama to me right now, Lucy.”
“You have to leave him, Mari. Physically, emotionally, mentally. He’s toxic for you. No good is going to come from this.”