She eased herself away from his arms, slipping her leg free of his to move all the way over onto her side of the bed. For nearly an hour she argued with herself, argued with Boone, argued with those who said leopards didn’t change their spots. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and yet for the past three years Boone had been so focused and committed.
But he didn’t feel that way to her now.
She felt scared and open. Vulnerable. Honest to God, she didn’t want to be the fool who was head over heels in love with a man who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.
* * *
Sarah was woken by an arm wrapping around her and Boone’s deep, rough voice in her ear. “It’s okay, baby. Everything’s fine.”
She opened her eyes and looked up at him.
“You were having a bad dream,” he said.
She nodded.
“What were you dreaming?” he asked.
She tried to remember but couldn’t recall specifics. Only sadness. Terrible sadness. And it had to do with Boone.
“I think you left me,” she whispered.
“I’d never leave you, babe.”
Her eyes burned and she held her breath, the air bottled in her lungs. Okay, he’d never leave her, but did that mean he was faithful?
He wrapped his arms all the way around her, holding her secure, and she tried to relax, wanting to be comforted but unable to silence the voices in her head.
What if . . .
What if he was hooking up on the side?
What if it wasn’t a casual hookup, but something serious, someone he cared about?
What would she do if she found out? She’d leave him. She’d have to leave him. She couldn’t remain with someone she couldn’t trust.
And yet as Boone held her, his body so warm and hard against her, she felt some of the panic and fear ease. He had a way of calming her, comforting her, just by touching her. Why his body did that she didn’t know. But it had from the beginning.
Even after all these years, she loved how she felt in his arms. She loved how he smelled and tasted. Loved the way his body took hers, filling her, making her feel so much.
He rolled over onto his back, bringing her cheek onto his chest, her hip pressed to his. His fingers tangled in her long hair, separating strands and then pressing them close to the dip in her back. “What’s on your mind?” he asked.
“Everything.”
“Break it down for me, hon.”
She exhaled and then drew a breath for courage. “We’re good, Boone, aren’t we?”
“Yes, babe, we are.” His fingers stilled for a moment. “Why?”
She nodded, closed her eyes, waiting for the relief, but relief didn’t come. Maybe there was just too much going on lately, too much change, too much grief. Maybe this wasn’t a Boone-and– Sarah thing, as much as a Sarah-being-overwhelmed thing. “I’m just so . . . wound up,” she said. “So worried about everyone and everything.”
“Tell me.”
“You already know . . . just seems like there is heartache and heartbreak everywhere. Meg and the kids, losing Jack. Kit and her strange biker boyfriend. Cass, who really wants a baby and Tommy won’t even discuss it with her anymore. And then there’s Dad . . . having to go it alone . . . and Mom . . . I miss her so much.”
“That is a lot. But I think most of that will sort itself out. It usually does.”
She nodded, and yet her chest ached and her eyes burned. “I just feel like I should be there . . . helping.”
His hand swept lower across her hip and butt. “And what would you do if you were there?”
She frowned in the dark, trying to imagine herself in San Francisco, in the middle of it all. “I don’t know. But at least I’d be there, close to everyone. I’d know what people need, too. I’d know what needs to be done. Like visit with Dad, keep him company. Or hang out with Meg and make dinner for her, and take the kids somewhere, doing something fun with them.” She drew a quick breath. “I’d tell Cass not to give up on the baby thing—”
“Oh, I don’t know if I’d get into the middle of that one, babe. That’s between Tommy and Cassidy.”
“She’s always wanted to be a mom.”
“Tommy will be furious if you interfere.”
Sarah shrugged. “I just don’t think he understands what he’s doing to Cass, shutting the door on becoming parents.”
His fingertips traced her spine, lingering in the hollow just above her hips. “I’d still be careful there.”
“And there’s Kit.”
“Kit’s an angel.”
“Dating the devil.”
Boone laughed, a deep rumble in his chest. “He’s not that bad.”