“Beignets and café au lait?”
“And lots of omelets, grits, and biscuits, too.”
“A breakfast place?”
“Breakfast and lunch. We close at three, and I’m usually out of there by four, but we’re toying with trying to stay open, see if we can draw a dinner crowd.”
“Where is it?”
“On Park Street, just down from Books, Inc.”
Chad looked apologetic. “I don’t know Alameda.”
“The downtown’s cute. It’s got a little historic district and I live close enough to ride my bike to work.”
“So you’re just back for today?”
Lauren nodded. “Meg needed help.” She stumbled a little over Meg’s name, feeling strange to be talking about Meg with him, even though she’d catered a dozen different events at the winery during the past six years, and she’d always been comfortable around the Hallahans and Meg.
“Thank you for handling the reception,” he said. “I’m glad it’s you, although I know it can’t be easy.”
Lauren shrugged, not wanting to go there.
“I hope you won’t stay away forever,” he added. “We miss you in Napa.”
She nodded, forced a smile. She’d gone to school with Chad and Craig, who was older, just as their parents had gone to school together. The Hallahans, like the Summers, were an old ranching family that dated back to the late nineteenth century. She knew Chad lived in his great-grandfather’s farmhouse now.
“I haven’t left for good,” she said briskly, smiling, keeping her voice strong. “Just a change of scenery.”
But Chad saw past her tough-girl facade. He reached out, touched her shoulder. “How are you doing?”
She couldn’t let him in, couldn’t let his kindness shatter her control. “Fine.”
“He was a really good kid, Lauren.”
She felt a little crack in the ice around her heart. It couldn’t happen. She didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to feel anything at all. “Don’t,” she gritted. “Can’t.”
“We all miss him,” he added. “And I never drive past your old place on First without thinking about him.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Meeks blew it. Blew it in a big way.”
Her smile faded, and she looked away, suddenly dizzy and nauseous. “Lisa’s here,” she said, her voice sounding faint to her own ears. “She’s pregnant. Due next month. Have you seen her?”
“No. Where is she?”
“In the kitchen. Come say hello to her before you leave.”
“I will.”
She flashed a smile, hoped it was a smile, and then murmured something about needing to get rid of the dishes, before disappearing into the crowded hall; she slipped past Lisa in the kitchen, put everything in the heavy plastic trays in the mud room, and then stepped outside, hands on her hips, gulping air to keep from bursting into tears.
How hard.
How hard all of this was. Life and death, loving and losing, and trying to move forward, because what else could you do? She was only thirty-five. Too young to lie down and die. No, she’d fight through this, fight to make it, not merely for her own sake, but for Blake’s. He deserved to be remembered. He deserved to be cherished. And as long as she lived, he’d live in her heart, and that’s all she could do now. Keep him in her heart. Love him with all her heart.
“It’s too much, isn’t it?” Lisa asked from the doorway.
Lauren turned around, hands knotting. “People want to talk about him. They want to tell me he was good, and wonderful, but I can’t handle it. I can’t.”
“That’s because everybody here knew him, and loved him.”
“Everybody but his own father!”
“Oh, Lauren, don’t even go there!” Lisa put a hand on her belly. “John was a seed, a spark, not a father. We all adored Blake. He was our boy, too.”
Lauren nodded, knowing it was true. She’d been sixteen when she’d gotten pregnant, seventeen when she had her baby, and her family helped her raise him the first couple of years while Lauren finished school.
“If you want to go, I can manage the rest,” Lisa added.
Lauren straightened, squaring her shoulders. “I’m not leaving you.”
“I can see this is killing you.”
“It’s hard, but it’s not killing me. I’m a Summer. Tough, thanks to our hearty German DNA.”
Lisa stepped back so Lauren could enter the house before closing the door behind her. “It is good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
Lauren patted Lisa’s belly. “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten.”