‘But it’s okay, Mum,’ I say, trying to reassure her. ‘I’ve talked this through with Fiona. Roisin may know I had the baby, but she thinks I put it up for adoption. There’s nothing she can do about that. Nothing at all. After all this time, I can cope with people knowing this. I thought I couldn’t, but I can. I know that now. She can’t do anything to hurt us.’
Mum is shaking her head. There’s such a look of sadness on her face. It unnerves me. A groan from Dad interrupts the conversation. ‘You all right, Dad?’ I stand and lean close to him. His eyes flicker open, but it seems to be an effort to keep them from fluttering shut.
‘Family…needs mother,’ he says finally.
‘It’s okay, Jim,’ says Marie. ‘Rest now. Don’t worry. I have it all sorted.’
Dad grunts something inaudible.
I shiver. Again, Mum is sending chills through me. ‘Mum, what’s sorted?’
She hesitates before speaking.
‘I wanted to protect my family. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.’
‘Something else has happened, hasn’t it, Mum? What is it you’re not telling me? It’s something to do with Roisin, isn’t it?’
Chapter 34
All the way home, Mum’s words echo around my head. Something is bothering me about the conversation with Mum. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I feel like I’ve missed something in this complicated puzzle of lies.
I have to admit Mum has surprised me. I’ve never thought of her as a particularly strong woman. I know she loves us fiercely and has always done her best by us, but it’s Dad who has always made decisions and commanded the family. It’s a traditional marriage and, in the past, I thought Dad too overbearing and Mum too soft to stand up to him. Now, I realise I’m wrong. Mum is stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined.
I think of how Mum would go about things in a quiet, assured way, how she would often speak to Dad to ensure things went the way she wanted them to go. Mum is indeed a strong woman. What she has just told me confirms that.
Like me, Mum is prepared to go to any lengths to protect her family. I think of Mum and Dad. Of Fiona and the children. I know what I have to do. This mess is all my own doing. Ultimately, I have to take responsibility for the way things have turned out, then and now. The desire to protect my family burns even deeper. I have the least to lose.
By the time I pull up outside the café, I’ve worked it out. I know what I have to do.
Kerry greets me as I come into the café. The lunchtime rush is over and the place is empty.
‘Hey,’ he says. ‘How’s everything?’
‘Not too bad,’ I say. ‘Dad has been more awake this morning.’
‘That’s good.’
‘He’s not really speaking properly, although he’s aware of us and is trying to communicate. The doctors are going to run some tests this afternoon to try to determine how badly he’s been affected.’
‘You look really tired,’ says Kerry. He draws me towards him. ‘Why don’t you go up to the flat and get some sleep. I can stay here. I’ve nothing else to do.’
I let myself rest a moment in his arms. It feels good to be held, to have someone take the strain, if only for a while. I put my arms around him and hold him tightly.
‘I tell you what,’ I say, my face still buried in his shirt. ‘Why don’t we close up this afternoon and go and do something to remind us we’re alive?’
Kerry tips up my chin. ‘You okay?’
I smile and plant a kiss on his lips. ‘Yes. I’m just weary from everything. Let’s get out of here for a couple of hours.’
‘If you’re sure.’
‘Absolutely.’
The Triumph rumbles through the lanes out of the village; Kerry steers the bike out to the countryside. I snuggle in closer to his body and look over his shoulder as the hedgerows and fields rush past us. The thoughts and feelings of today’s revelations seep away from me, blown out by the wind as the bike takes us further and further away from the village. As the road begins to wind its way up to the top of the hill, the old croft comes into sight. Kerry parks the bike at the bottom of the track.
‘Once a place for late-night drinking and chat about how we were going to conquer the world, now a place to sit quietly and think about nothing,’ he says. Hand in hand, we begin our ascent.
The sun is bright in the sky and I squint as I look up the track towards the croft. I find myself touching the Triskelion pendant around my neck as I remember how Niall and I had sat up there, talking about our dreams for the future. He was going to be a top lawyer and I was going to have my own beauty salon. Yes, we were going to conquer the world. And then real life stepped in.