‘You not well?’ asks Mum, coming out of her bedroom. ‘You look very pale. You’d better go back to bed.’
I’m grateful, Dad looks on from beyond and nods his approval. I clearly must look ill for him not to say something along the lines of, you’ll feel better once you’ve had something to eat. Or, a bit of fresh air and you’ll be as right as rain.
I fall into bed, pulling the duvet up around me, and drift back to sleep. I can’t face going anywhere or eating a single thing. Cider is definitely my enemy. I swear I’m never going to drink again. Ever.
‘Feck! Feck! Feck!’
Niall’s response to our news. It’s very similar to my own reaction when I found out, except I cried as well. I don’t think Niall is going to cry, but he’s holding both hands behind his head, pacing round in circles, scuffing the sand and leaving a track, which marks his anguish.
I can feel the tears welling up again. I was dreading telling him. I can hardly believe it myself.
‘Are you sure?’ he demands, momentarily halting.
I nod. ‘Of course, I am.’ It comes out rather more angrily than I intend, but I’m not an idiot. I wouldn’t be saying this unless I was sure. ‘I’ve done three tests and they are all positive. My period is now three weeks late. I’m definitely pregnant.’
I’m not sure what sort of reaction I expected from Niall. He’s eighteen, about to go off to university, and I’m sixteen, hopefully with a place at college in London waiting for me. A baby was definitely not on the agenda. A baby? It doesn’t sound real. I can’t quite believe I have a baby growing inside me. It just doesn’t seem possible. Yet at the same time, it very clearly is possible. What a mess. If this was ten years down the line it wouldn’t matter but we are only kids ourselves.
Niall recommences his pacing and swearing. Then he goes quiet and stops walking, looking out at the monotone waters of the sea before us. Finally, he turns round and comes and sits beside me.
He puts his arm around me. ‘Don’t cry,’ he says. This just makes me cry even more. He holds me tight. ‘It will be all right, I promise.’
I have no idea how it will be all right. I stifle the tears and sobs. ‘How?’
‘Do you want to keep the baby?’ he asks.
‘Yes. No. I don’t know,’ I admit. I am so confused. ‘I can’t bear the thought of having an abortion, but at the same time I don’t know how we will manage. I don’t want to be a teenage mum.’
‘I don’t really want to be a teenage dad,’ says Niall. ‘How the hell did it happen?’
This makes me want to laugh. I’m pretty sure Niall attended sex-education classes, but I appreciate my humour will not be well received at this precise moment. ‘I don’t know,’ I say instead. I seem not to know a lot of things. ‘The only time I can think would have been after Shane’s party. You know we were both a bit drunk then and we fooled around in the car.’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t think…you know…I thought we stopped in time.’
‘So did I.’
‘Let’s think about this rationally,’ says Niall. ‘If you keep it, I will need to get a job to support you and the baby. We could get a place together. We’ll probably have to get some financial help but I’m sure we will manage. Lots of people do. There are all sorts of benefits and then there are our parents. They could help. Maybe?’
‘But what about university? You want to qualify as a lawyer. You won’t be able to do it if you’re working.’
‘It’s okay. I can go to evening classes, study part time. If I get a job at a solicitor’s, as a clerk, they may even pay for my training.’
‘You really think so?’
‘Yeah, I’m sure. You can study to be a beautician in the same way too. There’s loads of evening courses for that.’ He smiles at me and seems excited and relieved all at the same time. ‘It may be hard for a few years but once we are both qualified, we will be able to support ourselves and the baby.’
I’m buying into the idea. I imagine us both sitting at the kitchen table; Niall surrounded by law books, me surrounded by beauty products. I imagine tucking the baby up in his or her cot and, dressed in my beautician’s uniform, picking up my bag of products, kissing Niall bye and heading off for college. When I come home, he will finish his studying for the night and we will sit and have a cup of tea and talk about our day and the coursework we have to do. We will go up to bed, look in on the baby, who will be fast asleep. We will smile at each other because we are happy and proud parents and we will go to bed, still very much in love, knowing that despite the odds and what everyone said, we have made it. Our very own family. We will probably have another child once we are both qualified and I will work part-time from home and Niall will get a partnership in a law firm.