‘I’m sorry. I really am,’ says Joe.
Roisin lets out a scoffing sort of noise. ‘Pathetic, Joe Wright, absolutely pathetic.’
‘Didn’t you stop to think what this was doing to your own mother?’ says Kerry, turning to Roisin.
‘The end justifies the means,’ says Roisin. ‘This way, my mother gets the grandchild she has been denied all this time. She gets a part of her son that has been lost forever.’
‘And you get atonement,’ I say.
‘We all get that,’ says Roisin.
Chapter 42
The shower was warm and welcoming. Roisin had it on full blast and needle-sharp water pummelled her skin. She took the exfoliating scrunchy and scrubbed at her skin. Roisin was tired. She had been home for two hours, having spent the best part of the day at the Gardai station, explaining away her disappearance and reasons for taking Sophie.
It had been a total surprise to both her and the Guards when Sean and Fiona Keane had insisted they didn’t want to press charges. Sean had convinced the Guards to let her off with a lecture about how much upset and trouble she had caused. How her mother had been beside herself with worry, how the Keanes and the Hurleys had been distraught, not to mention the time and manpower wasted by the Guards. She did actually feel guilty about her mam, but it had to be done. The Hurleys, well, she wasn’t too worried about them. As she had said to Erin, the end justified the means. She had what she wanted. What her mam needed. What her family needed. The pain of today would heal and the pain of the past ten years would ease.
Roisin stood under the shower for another five minutes, rehearsing for the one-hundredth time what she was going to say to her mam. She had been waiting for this moment for a long time. She wanted to get it right.
Diana was waiting in the living room with Pat. This in itself was unusual. Roisin suspected that Pat had banned his wife from the drawing room. Too close to the sherry. He knew there was a big announcement coming, but Roisin had little doubt either of them knew what it was.
‘Ah, there you are,’ said her father. He stood up and kissed Roisin’s cheek. Taking her hand, he guided his daughter over to the sofa, next to her mother.
‘You look better,’ said Diana.
‘And smell better too,’ said her father. He laughed at his own joke.
‘There’s something important I need to tell you,’ said Roisin, cutting to the chase. She had never been any good at small talk and she knew they were itching to find out what she had to say. Roisin smiled at her mother. For the first time since finding out about the baby, Roisin doubted herself. She so wanted this to be the answer to her mother’s problems, but what if it wasn’t? What if Diana didn’t want to know the child? Then Roisin would have to go back to the Hurleys with her tail between her legs. She didn’t care that she had caused them upset, but she cared about her mam.
‘What is it?’ said Diana.
‘It’s about Niall and Erin Hurley.’ Diana caught her breath, but said nothing, so Roisin continued, ‘I found out recently that Erin was pregnant when Niall died.’
‘Oh, that’s nonsense,’ said Diana. ‘What a preposterous idea.’
‘It’s the truth, Mam. I know. Erin told me.’
‘And you believe the lies of someone like her. Don’t be ridiculous, Roisin.’
‘Mam! Stop.’ Roisin laid her hand on her mam’s. ‘You don’t have to pretend. I know the truth.’
Diana pulled her hand away and began disputing this, telling Roisin it was the most ridiculous thing she’d heard in all her days. Roisin looked at her father. He hadn’t said a word so far. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he looked straight at Roisin.
‘Diana, please. Stop,’ he said. ‘Roisin is right. We know that, don’t we?’
Diana went to protest, but her voice was silenced as Pat held his finger to his lips. He gave a slight shake of the head.
Diana looked down, her eyes not able to meet those of her daughter’s. ‘Yes, it’s true,’ she said eventually, her voice was only just audible.
‘You, Dad, Jim and Marie Hurley all wanted her to have an abortion,’ said Roisin.
Diana tutted. ‘Termination. The word is termination. Abortion sounds so, so…crude.’
‘So that’s true too,’ said Roisin. Her heart dropped a little. Her own mother, a GP, sworn to save life, wanted to terminate life.
‘They were young. Niall was about to go off to university. He was going to be a lawyer. Move to America. He had dreams. We had it all planned out. A baby wasn’t in the plan,’ said Diana, her voice growing stronger with every word. ‘It was for the best. We all agreed on that. We wanted our children to have the best start, the best chance in life. Having a baby wouldn’t have done that. There was plenty of time for children. They were only children themselves.’ She stared at the fireplace for a moment. ‘God, I could do with a drink.’