Oh god. I hadn’t even thought about facing Gregg. “I’m good, but you should definitely go.”
“Rachel says she misses you coming around.”
“I’ll see her at the wedding.”
“True.” Mom considers. “But no plans on Christmas Eve sounds lonely.”
It was the same thought I’d had about my father. How he’s not here sharing any of our traditions new or old. “I was thinking of calling Dad.” If I can forgive Alec for the way his love made him act, I can try to forgive my father. At least take the first step.
Mom smiles a soft grin. “That’s the best Christmas gift I could ask for.”
We wrap the lights around the girth of the blue spruce and when I plug in the cord I have to stand back. The display is beautiful. So much light on the darkest day of the year.
Chapter 30
I use the house phone to call Dad while Mom’s out last-minute Christmas shopping. It’s not that she’d eavesdrop, but I need to be alone when I make the call. My nerves are untethered explosives, squealing in every direction. I pace the house, trying to give my whirling anxieties somewhere to go.
“Olivia?” When I hear my father’s question, the world stops.
I summon my voice. “It’s Zephyr, actually.” This inadvertent string of words makes me aware of how much of my life my dad has missed.
“Zephyr?” I hear the way surprise nearly steals his breath.
“Hi Dad.” A bridge.
“It’s good to hear your voice. How are you? How’s school. Merry Christmas.” His sentences come rapid-fire. Like he doesn’t know what to say and can’t say it fast enough. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine, Dad.” It’s a lie but I’m not sure how much I’m willing to share with him yet. I pace the kitchen, my thumb trailing along the island.
“You had me scared there for a minute.”
“You’re scared because I called you?”
“I guess you caught me by surprise.” I hang on the cadence of his words, the depth of each syllable, and it is a relief that this part of him has not changed. His voice, here in the kitchen with me now, it fills me. “What really scared me, Zephyr, was thinking I’d never talk to you again.”
“Same.” Because it’s always been that. Even when I convinced myself I was scared of running into him around town—even then I was more afraid of never seeing him again.
“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, Zephyr.”
“Dad . . . I-I was wondering if you maybe wanted to meet up for dinner.”
“Yes.” An intake of breath. “I would love that.”
We decide on a Chinese restaurant halfway between here and him. Neutral ground. After the holiday.
“I’m so glad you called.” I hear the relief in his voice, feel it in my own chest. It is the first time in months that order feels like it could be restored. Or at least, redefined.
I curl up in front of the television with Finn and find a showing of Miracle on 34th Street before there’s a knock at the door.
“Come in!”
Lizzie pops into the kitchen under a dusting of snow. She kicks off her boots but doesn’t take off her jacket. She joins us in the living room, twisting her hands for heat. “You doing okay?”
“I’m good.” I scrunch my legs, make room for her on the couch. “I called my father.”
“No shit.”
“Shit.”
“What did he say?”
“We’re gonna meet for dinner.”
She leans back, lets out a surprised hmm. “I think that’s great. What brought on your sudden change of heart?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and it seemed like the right time. Christmas and all. I figured I won’t be here next year so . . . time’s running out.”
“Because you’ll be in Michigan.”
I pet Finn, avoid Lizzie’s gaze. “That’s the plan.”
“Is that your plan or Alec’s?”
I cut her a look. “That’s not fair, Lizzie. You don’t even know Alec.”
“I’m aware. You’ve had considerably less time for me since you met him.”
“Why don’t you just say what you came to say, Lizzie? That Alec fucked up and—”
“He did, Zee. What I saw last night was beyond fucked up.”
“Agreed. He got crazy jealous and admitted what he did was stupid. And hurtful. We’ve all done stupid shit for the right reasons. There. Now, can we move past it? I have.”
Lizzie throws up her hands. “No boy is worth losing a friendship over. I don’t need you going to Michigan hating on me.”