Chapter 27
When Mom comes to check on me I look half dead. Because I am.
She raises the back of her hand to my forehead, tells me to get some rest. I nod, slink deeper under my covers. But when I hear her bathwater filling, I sneak into the kitchen and grab my coat. I text Lizzie: Now
I slip outside and jog to the end of my driveway, where I’ve instructed Lizzie to meet me.
I’m halfway to my full escape when my phone buzzes. I study the small screen, the way the words are too fuzzy. Too jumpy. Untamable under my tears.
Alec: Where are you?
Gotta do this thing with L. It’s a carefully selected portion of the truth.
See me instead.
Not tonight.
Why?
Because the tectonic plates of my world have shifted. Tomorrow. Promise.
Tonight.
Can’t.
I see Lizzie’s car and feel annoyed by Alec’s persistence when there’s something so much more important I need to do.
“Why all the clandestine?” Lizzie asks when I pull on my seat belt.
“I need to talk to Gregg.” No, yell at Gregg. Sever this so-called friendship once and for all.
Lizzie looks at me sideways. “No offense, Zee, but you look like shit.”
I rein in my anger, try not to give too much away. “Not really a major concern right now.”
She eyes me suspiciously. “What’s going on? Does this have anything to do with the lunchroom today? Am I missing something?”
I can’t tell Lizzie where any of this came from or why. I only know who.
“Maybe we should talk about it. Before you see Slice.”
“I appreciate the offer but this only concerns Gregg.”
She hesitates. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I need.” And I hear the darkness in my voice, how I’m losing the ability to control my emotions.
But as Lizzie drives I secretly hope she will get lost. That she won’t remember her way to Waxman’s. Then I won’t have to confront Gregg. I won’t have to admit to another person that I’ve been leveled.
I crack the window for air.
But there isn’t enough oxygen on Earth. Not even as we walk across Waxman’s lawn.
“Wait here,” Lizzie says as we reach our tucked-away nook against the trees. “I’ll grab you some water.”
“I want a beer.”
“Yeah, no.” Lizzie heads to the house as I practice my words for Gregg on a loop in my head, never more thankful that I’ve chosen Alec. That I’ll be hundreds of miles away from all of this bullshit next year. I can’t even believe what the mistake of Boston with Gregg would look like. How much more devastated I would feel by his betrayal.
Sounds dart between my ears, arrow blades of indistinguishable noise. But then, clarity. My name. Through the trees. I turn and see Gregg. Looking too casual. Too normal. And I hate him even more for it.
My teeth clench, warping my voice into a growl. “How could you be such an asshole?”
Gregg stiffens. “Um, hello to you too.”
I scoff. “You want me to say hi?” I force nonchalance. “Oh, hey Gregg. You good? Great. Good to hear. So glad you took the time to completely humiliate me. And in my own home, that was a nice touch.” I give a twisted laugh. “Oh wait. Did I say hi? Wouldn’t want to be impolite.”
Gregg’s face hardens with confusion. Still, he keeps his voice hushed. “Me humiliate you? Judging from that display you put on in the caf today, you’re doing a fine job all by yourself, Zeph. You don’t need my help.”
I press my feet into the ground, stand firm. “I got your note. Your little message made it perfectly clear how you feel about me being with Alec.”
“Zephyr, what are you talking about?”
“Are you such a coward that you’re not even going to own what you did?”
“I kissed you, Zeph. I’ve already told you that I didn’t mean to fuck everything up with that stupid kiss. And I shouldn’t have said that thing today. That wasn’t cool. If I could take both back, I would. Believe me.”
The kiss? His words? I stare at him and see a lifetime in his gaze, the years we spent exploring the woods as pirate zombie adventurers, the sharing of Popsicles on a summer day when everything was quiet and we could ask each other anything we didn’t understand. Like why the Dead were Grateful or how come jelly always took second chair to peanut butter. Those quiet times reach up from deep inside of me and pull me to the girl I used to be. Gregg’s friend, his confidante.
Tears climb into my eyes, uninvited. I scurry after my resolve.
I remember: S-L-U-T.
“Why would you even want to be friends with a slut?”
“You are making zero sense.”