The Girl Who Fell(40)
Oh god. What if I’m not good enough? It’s the same question that’s haunted me since summer.
Sick rumbles deeper in my stomach. I need Alec to tell me we’re okay. I need his hands on my hips, his breath mixed with mine. I want that closeness back and I want Alec to know I’d never jeopardize us on purpose. By the time the bell rings I have a headache that weighs a thousand and nine pounds. My skin shivers with nerves as I walk to his locker.
He’s swapping out books, Lani leaning against the wall next to him. God, why is she everywhere now? I shift on my heels, readying to turn, when I hear Lani squeal my name in a pitch that could deafen a dog. Alec sees me and our eyes catch, but not long enough for me to read his, know what he’s thinking.
“We were just talking about hockey parties,” Lani announces with her usual cheerleader perk.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sort of in charge of getting hotels for the after, after-parties. You know, for the hockey team and cheerleaders.”
“I’m aware of the tradition,” I say. Enigmatic Alec stands across from me, giving nothing away.
“So fun, right?” She flirts her curtain of blond hair, gives me a wink.
Alec slams his locker. “Just let me know what the other guys are doing and count me in.”
As he turns to walk away, my words stretch to reach him. “Will I see you later?”
He twists to me. “Do you want to see me later?”
“Am I missing something? Are you two . . .”—Lani needles her finger between us—“hooking up?”
Alec stares at me, stares through me. “Zephyr means way more than a hookup.”
Is that forgiveness?
“Bummer.” Lani’s fake pout morphs into a fake smile. “I mean, good for you, Zephyr, but I’ll have to tell the squad that Alec Lord is off the market.”
I cringe at her mouth forming his full name, how it feels like an invasion. “The whole squad, huh?”
“Squad-zz. Soccer. Football and hockey.” She reaches for Alec’s forearm, gives it a squeeze that makes my insides burn. “Your Alec has a serious fan club.” She makes pouty lips and treats us to a finger-fluttering wave before she bounces off down the hall. Literally, bounces. I’m relieved when Alec’s eyes don’t follow her.
“Why do I have a sudden need to take a shower?”
Alec’s face fills with intrigue. “Alone?” He wraps his hand around my waist as the hall empties.
I’ll be late for English but I don’t care.
“It’s good to see you, Zephyr.”
“You too.” I don’t have the words to tell him how much. “Am I forgiven?”
He pulls me closer. “I’m not big on grudges. Besides, I’m madder at myself for being an insecure ass.”
“You heard Lani. You could have any girl at this school.”
“I don’t want any girl.” He cups my chin. His eyes lock on mine, clutching my heart. “Don’t you get it? You’re more than I deserve.” My knees weren’t built to withstand the kiss he gives me.
I pull away gently, press my forehead to his. “Just to be clear . . . hanging out with battalions of cheerleaders isn’t tempting?”
“Not even slightly.” He squeezes my earlobe with a delicate pinch. Even that small gesture makes my skin blaze. “Why? Are you jealous, Zephyr actually?”
“Not at all.” A lie.
“Good. There’s no need. I don’t want you to have any insecurities. I’ve got enough for both of us.” He trails kisses along the hard line of my clenched jaw.
I breathe him in.
“Speaking of which . . .”
“Yes?” I tease him with a lifted brow.
“Yesterday kind of made me realize that I’m not totally comfortable with you hanging out with Slice.”
“Gregg?” How are we talking about Gregg?
“The one and only. In particular, the Gregg who kissed you and probably still wants to.”
Alec’s grip tightens, pulling me against his pelvis. The rush is raw and immediate. The fog of his touch is almost too much to see through, but a small voice manages to scramble up and into air. “I can’t just suddenly stop being friends with him.”
“I’d never ask you to do that. Just . . . hang back a little.”
“But why?”
He locks our hips. “Because I’m not sure I can take it—worrying about him kissing you again.”
“That’s ridiculous. He’d never. Besides, he’s with Lani now.”
Alec presses his cheek to mine and whispers. “Please don’t call my insecurities ridiculous.”
I pull back. “I didn’t mean—”