“There was nothing to move on from.” I stare out the window, wondering what Lani and Gregg are talking about, if they’re holding hands.
“The kiss was meaningless.”
“Yes, Lizzie, why are we rehashing this?”
“Not rehashing. Just trying to establish a clear timeline of factual occurrences.” She brakes for a red light, stops directly behind Gregg and Lani. “You’re digging on Hockey Boy, right?”
“Totally.”
“I assume he’s the one helping you process all the Jimmy and Olivia chaos?”
“Yeah, he’s been great.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
In front of us, Lani casts her arm over the lip of Gregg’s bucket seat. She slides next to Gregg and takes his chin in her hand. She rotates his head, kisses him on the lips. For a long time. Like, until-after-the-light-turns-green long time and Lizzie has to beep. Lani pulls away from the kiss and turns toward us. But it’s not Lizzie she’s staring at. It’s me.
Lizzie gives a quick, short laugh. “Now that kiss looked like it had some meaning.”
“Gross. Can we please move on?”
“I thought we already had.”
I did too. But I hate the way Gregg never bangs Lani’s go-cart when we’re on the track, despite him purposefully crashing into me and Lizzie about a hundred times. I see the small ways he protects her, watches out for her. And all I can think about is how he used to watch out for me. Maybe even without my realizing it.
When I get home I almost call Alec a dozen times, but I don’t press send. Mostly because I can’t wrap my head around my own thoughts and no one needs to see me be this kind of mess.
Chapter 12
Mom’s left a note on the island the following morning. In her perfectly symmetrical script:
Zephyr, I’m sorry. I’ve handled this all wrong.
Can we talk after work tonight?
Luf,
Mom
“Luf” was the way I’d spelled “love” on a Mother’s Day card when I was six. Mom and Dad have signed their notes to me like that ever since. It is our secret family handshake. But now the word looks like a promise that’s been broken. I leave the note and head to school, where Alec, my beautiful escape, is leaning against my locker, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips. When I reach him he gives me a quick peck on the cheek.
“I hope that’s okay,” he says. “We haven’t really discussed the rules on school PDA.”
“It’s all good.”
“Great.” He steals another peck. “I thought I’d hear from you yesterday, you know, to tell me how things went with your mom.”
“I should have called, but Lizzie woke me up for breakfast and then it turned into a whole thing with Gregg and Lani and go-carts. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to my mom.”
“Gregg, huh? So you guys have patched things up.”
“I guess so. Who knows. But I did discover Gregg’s dating Lani Briggs, which makes exactly zero sense. I mean, have you ever talked to that girl? There’s not a lot going on in that head. Why would Gregg date her? It’s beyond weird.”
Alec laughs.
“What?”
“You’re not dating Lani, so what does it matter?”
He’s right. It doesn’t matter. It’s none of my business and affects me exactly zero. So why am I letting it? “You’re so right. Excuse the mini rant.”
“Well, I’m bummed I missed go-carting with you. But I did the next best thing.”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“I stayed in and pined away for you.”
“Funny.”
“And bought this.” He hands me an envelope. “I’m glad things didn’t blow up with your mom. I—”
“Zephyr!” Someone shouts, followed by a lot of someones. A dozen upperclass girls from the field hockey team run at us, nearly knocking me over.
Karen surveys Alec up then down. “We interrupting something? Were you two sucking face?” I laugh, wishing I could be as bold as Karen, bold enough to say whatever was on my mind.
“Just heading to class,” Alec says.
Karen links her arm in mine. “Well, Zephyr gets a pass from study hall. We’re surprising Coach in the gym and we need our captain.”
“But—” he says.
“No buts. And no boys allowed,” Karen adds.
“Come on Zeph!” Melissa Hines shouts.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go, go, go,” Samantha Railey chants.
A cloud of whooping starts, sounding like a human engine.
I look to Alec. “I really should go.”
“Yeah, no. Of course.” He thrusts his hands into his pockets. “See you in French.”