“Maybe.” I blush.
He laughs. “The world is a ball of raw chaos. We have to impose order when we can.”
“Something like that.”
“I get it,” he says, filling my room with his presence. He picks up the Boston College catalog and thumbs its pages. It is a cataclysmic collision of my two worlds. The only other guy I’ve had in my room is Gregg, but Alec is so not Gregg. He pats the bed and I sit next to him. Our knees touch and power the world with electricity. He pushes his knee deeper against mine, volts surging. “Is this next year?” He taps the glossy maroon cover.
“Hopefully.”
“The only choice, right?”
“How’d you know?”
“An educated guess from a fellow control freak.” He returns the catalog to the exact spot where he found it on my desk. “I assume you applied early. Have you heard anything?”
I study him, wondering how he can name my secrets so easily. “No, despite checking the mail, like, three times a day.”
His face pops with an impressed smile.
“I’m a little obsessive.”
“You’re smart and driven. Smart and driven people make precise plans for their future.”
“Then what are your precise plans?”
“University of Michigan.”
“Michigan?” God, that’s far away.
“Go Blue.” He forces a fisted cheer. “I kind of don’t have a choice.”
“Everyone has a choice.”
He snarks. “Not this kid.”
“How can that be?”
Alec straightens, lets out a breath. “My folks met at Michigan. They were business majors so I need to be a business major.”
“You don’t look too psyched.”
“Probably because I want to be a chef.”
“A chef?” That I did not expect.
“I have talents that extend beyond the tuna fish sandwich, Zephyr.” He fingers the fringe of my bedspread. “I’ve never told anyone that before. The only places I feel right are in the kitchen and on the ice. Not very manly, is it?”
“Does it have to be?”
“It does when you have parents like mine. They won’t pay for school unless it’s literally all business at Michigan. Then it’s architectural planning and development with Mom’s corporation. My life’s planned.”
“I’m sorry.” The words seem too lame.
“At least Michigan has an awesome team. The hockey coach came to a bunch of my games at Exeter, though that could be off the table now.”
“How come?”
“I guess I didn’t really think it through in the moment, you know . . . taking the fall for my roommate. At the end of the day, getting kicked out of school doesn’t make me the perfect candidate for any college. I’m not sure if my game is good enough for Michigan to overlook my expulsion record. The pressure’s kind of on for me to kick ass at Sudbury.”
“Couldn’t you call Michigan’s coach? Tell him what really happened? How selfless you are.”
Alec scoffs.
“What?”
“Maybe I need you to go for me. Be my advocate.”
But I’d be a terrible advocate because a greedy hope bubbles up in me. That his expulsion will mean he might stay in New England next year. “Maybe it will all work out. There are plenty of other colleges.”
“Sure, but not for me. No Michigan means I go straight to work for Mom’s business. I don’t have a lot of choices, Zephyr. My parents have made that very clear.”
My stomach curdles. I can’t imagine my parents controlling my future.
He reaches for my hand, and Finn sits upright, watching us from the doorway. He barks one quick burst that makes me jump.
“You okay?” Alec says.
“Yeah, it’s just that he never barks.” I turn to Finn. “What’s gotten into you, boy?”
“He’s protecting you, claiming you as his. I can’t blame him.”
A blush rises along my neck, runs to my cheeks.
Alec catches my chin, holds it. “I like it when you blush.” He moves his mouth close. His fingers brush my cheek, disappear into my hair. He holds me in place, freezes me until his lips are on mine. When he pulls away, I try to remember to breathe.
“I like too much about you.” He floats these feather words between us, his mouth hovering so close. He kisses me again, sliding his tongue through the valley of my lips. I move into him, finding his tongue with my own, kissing him deeper.
I pull away because I’m afraid I won’t be able to if it goes on much longer. And I’m even more afraid of what that means. “We should stop.” I spy the open door and turn on the bed, bend my leg between us. “With my mom just down the hall and all.”