“That’s kind of awful.” I plant my feet on the ground before pushing hard.
“Not really.” Alec floats buoyant toward the sky. “Not when it’s all you’ve ever known.” His face retains a kind of peace at this statement and I bite back envy. Will I ever be okay with Dad leaving the way he did? Or is my family’s situation harder to understand since Dad never seemed distant or unhappy? Just one day he was gone. My stomach drops, but not from the seesaw.
I dig my heels into the ground at my next landing. “I should go.”
“Is it something I said? Perhaps it’s the potent stench of my runner’s cologne? And the fact that you’ve had the pleasure of being downwind?”
“Nothing like that.” I nod toward the sandbox and reach for an excuse. “There are a couple of kids giving us the stink-eye. I don’t mess with playground politics.”
He laughs, gives me a shy smile. “Drop me down.” I do. He dismounts carefully and holds the seat to counterweight my descent. It’s another gallant gesture and my stomach tumbles.
I look toward the darkening sky. “I should run home while there’s still light.”
He agrees and we walk in silence until we arrive at the park’s metal gate. He reaches for the latch, lifts it free. “It’ll get better, you know.”
I narrow my eyes. “What will?”
“Whatever’s going on between you and Gregg.”
“How did you . . . ?”
“I didn’t know for sure. Not until just now. But you two haven’t been exactly chatting it up in class lately.”
Even he’s noticed Gregg avoiding me all week. “Has he . . . said anything about me?”
He surveys the ground at his feet. “Gregg talked about you a lot when I met him. I thought you were his girlfriend, but he said you guys were just friends. Best friends, I think he said.”
My heart wells with loss. “The best.”
“Did you guys ever date?”
“No. Why?”
He shrugs. “I just thought maybe that’s why there’s tension now.”
“No, nothing that dramatic.”
“Then I’m sure whatever’s going on between you two will work out. It has to. Good friends are hard to come by.”
He’s right. Spot-on right.
He swipes the toe of his sneaker into the dirt, creating an arc. “Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure.”
“Would you meet me here tomorrow?”
“Yes.” I’m surprised by the commitment.
Surprised?
No, scared.
Chapter 6
The crow of a rooster wakes me. It’s close; in my ear close.
I open my eyes and fumble for my phone, knowing it’s Lizzie. For a long time it was a game to see if I could keep her from messing with my ringtones. But she always got to my phone somehow. Now I can’t imagine being surprised by her selections.
Finn lifts his plump head from my pillow, clearly displeased with the disruption to his slumber.
LIZZIE!—in all caps, of course—blinks on the screen. I silence the rooster with the practiced twitch of my thumb.
“Morning.” The word rumbles low and scratchy, a storm scraping the sky.
“I’ll need reinforcements at work today.”
“M&Ms or Junior Mints?” I sit up and Finn lets out a gruff sigh before repositioning himself at the foot of my bed.
“It’s feeling like a Tootsie Rolls day. It’s just me and Shorty so I’ll need a big bag. Party size.” Shorty is the middle-aged manager of Too Cute Shoes, the dumpy discount footwear place where Lizzie earns the cash to visit Jason. “What are you doing?”
I prop my pillow and pull back my shade. A blast of too bright light hurtles into the room, illuminating my wall of photos like the trained light in a museum. There’s the picture Lizzie took of me and Gregg in the lunchroom last year. We are both laughing, his two fingers in a peace sign behind my head. I drop my gaze to my bureau, to the framed photo of us when we were five, Gregg pushing me on a swing at Young Ones childcare center where we got bused after our half days of kindergarten. I remember how we’d play king and queen and pretend to live in our castle under the slide. He kissed me then, too. A peck on the lips because we were married and that’s what married people did. It’s almost impossible to believe my view of marriage and trust was ever that simple.
“I’m heading over to Gregg’s.”
A beat of silence. “Do you want to wait? I can go after work. You know, if you need support.”
I do need the support. I have no idea what I plan to say, but, “I think I should go alone.” It’s never been hard to talk to Gregg. I’ve never had to prepare to talk to Gregg. I draw hope into my lungs that this time will be no different.