“Stop!” I try to wrestle my arm free, but he only grips tighter.
“You said I could trust you. You made me trust you and now you’re dressing like a whore and hooking up with someone who’s wanted to get in your pants for years.”
His fingers dig deeper into my flesh, redirecting blood flow. “You’re hurting me.”
“Hah! I’m hurting you? How do you think it felt to see you sucking face with Gregg?”
My primal brain orders flight or fight. I spy the knife block on the counter. “Let go,” I say, and his hold releases.
He steps back, shakes off his frustration. “Christ, Zephyr, you make me crazy. Why do you have to do that?”
“I didn’t do anything.” I inch toward the knife set.
“See!” He jabs his finger at my words. “That right there. You’re so good at playing innocent. And then I get nuts because I don’t know what to believe.” His step swallows the space between us. I smell the mint of his shampoo and I flash to that first day. Before I know it, his hands creep around my waist. “Forgive me,” he begs. “I just want you back.”
“Alec, this isn’t good for either of us.”
Alec caresses the cut of my jaw, the softness of my cheek. “You are so beautiful.” His fingers travel along the span of my collarbone, up the tight angled curve of my neck. My body cringes. My breath comes shallow and rapid.
“You like that, don’t you?”
I brace myself against the counter, inching closer to the knives.
Then the air pulses quiet for just a breath. His body releases from mine. Gone is his feather touch. There is only me and silence and Alec and stillness. I focus on Alec in this slip of time. How his arm raises, his elbow becomes a sharp point hovering. “So why would you leave me?” He drives his angular elbow into my skull. A hole is drilled somewhere above my ear. My head rings. Bells fill the hollowed-out space. I feel myself slipping down the length of the cabinets, my dress hooking on a drawer pull. I hear the fabric rip away from itself, a soft screech. I crumple to the floor, my head a basin filling with the rushing tide of terror.
A word sits on my tongue. No? Don’t? I can’t form my defense. The room kinks. Speech abandons me. My ears drum. I think there is no greater pain possible until a spike drives through my side, slamming my ribs. His shoe. The kick is a stake. Planted. Executed. I crunch into the agony, my brain crowded with all the words I cannot scream. A black rage erupts under my skin, under the footprint Alec has gouged into my side. I bite on my lip and taste the copper blood trickle on my tongue.
Words reach me. “You make me do this, Zephyr. You just couldn’t love me enough to keep Slice’s tongue out of your mouth, could you?”
The gravel of sound shakes free from my tongue, harsh as sandpaper. “Get out!” My skull explodes with pain. “Get out!”
His hands are on my arms then, propping me up. “I’m so sorry. . . .”
Blackness.
Then I’m in his arms, my head on his lap. “Talk to me, Zephyr. . . .”
Blackness washing.
“I love you so much.” His voice strangled with fear.
I rock.
He’s rocking me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I have to protect you. We planned a life together, Zephyr. You can’t give it away to another guy.”
A deeper blackness.
I surrender.
Welcoming the way it swallows me and the pain all at once.
But there’s a girl inside, too long silent. She wants a fight.
She raises my hand to my head and tries to press away the sharp ache, but it only makes me cry out in pain.
“Zephyr, let me help you.”
“Leave. Now.” My voice and her voice combine in a groan. Then she says, “I’ll call the police.”
And I am proud of her, a light of strength in this darkness.
Alec laughs, but looks confused. “It’s me, Alec. Your future. Remember? What do you need the cops for?”
Her strength begins to leave me and I fear her absence. “Get. Out. Now.”
He stands, stumbles back unsteady. “I’ll let you get some rest. We’ll talk tomorrow.” And he walks out the door.
As if we’ve just ended a normal date.
As if I am not broken.
As if he has not shattered me.
I listen to the fridge hum for a thousand years. Shame drenches me. I am slick with stupidity. For throwing away my future for Alec.
I struggle to stand, carefully carrying the fireworks of pain. It takes too long to make it to my room, using the wall for support. Tears drain off my cheeks, a wet trail.
I shimmy out of my dress, hating it as it slides to my ankles. I burrow into a T-shirt and crawl into bed, every movement grueling.