The Girl Who Came Home(34)

Her mom was so much better than she had been. Little things such as opening the wedding anniversary dinner set were small but definite signs that she was starting to move on. Grace’s brother Art was due to come home that summer from the archaeological dig he had been working on in Egypt and he’d promised to spend most of his time back in America with his mom and sister, having not really been around much over the last twelve months. Yes, there was a definite wind of change circling around the Butler household that spring.

As she swung on the seat and watched their marmalade cat chase a bee which buzzed idly among the flowers, Grace swept her hair back behind her ears and tucked her feet up under her. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she allowed herself to wonder whether it might be time to go back to her own life, whether it might be OK to move on. She decided to broach the subject with her mother over dinner that evening and then closed her eyes, letting the gentle rocking of the swing soothe her into a restful doze.

*

‘You look pretty today Mom,’ she said, pouring them both a glass of iced tea. ‘That new dress is lovely. The colour really suits you.’ It had been a while since Grace had been genuinely able to say that. Her mom hadn’t bought herself anything new for ages or paid much attention to her appearance. She looked more like herself that evening; more like how Grace remembered her mother used to look.

‘Thank you. It is kinda lovely isn’t it,’ her mother replied, brushing her hands over the dress and twirling slightly.

She’d been into town for the day with a friend and had decided to have her hair curled and coloured. Feeling revived by the subtle change, she’d popped into Walsh’s department store and emerged with a lovely new, emerald green tea dress. She knew it suited her the moment she tried it on. ‘Cost a fortune though. I really shouldn’t have.’ Her smile showed that she really wasn’t too worried.

‘Mom, I’ve been thinking,’ Grace began, sipping her iced tea nervously.

‘Thinking what, love?’ Her mother put down her fork to give her daughter her full attention.

‘Well, you know, I’ve been thinking about maybe going back to college in September, y’know, starting over with the studies and picking up the journalism thing again.’

Her mother smiled. She didn’t seem at all surprised.

‘Good. I am very glad to hear it. So, what’s brought all this on?’

Grace had told her mother all about Maggie’s story. Maggie was happy for her to do so. She’d said it had taken her a lifetime to tell one person and she didn’t think she was up to the task of saying it all over again. As far as Maggie was concerned, Grace could go off and tell the entire world now, just as long as she didn’t have to do anymore of the telling herself.

‘So, I suppose with me turning twenty-one and listening to Maggie’s story I’ve realised I’m not getting any younger and that you can’t take life for granted. I was thinking that with Art coming back for the summer and you seeming to be a bit happier these days…..’ She trailed off, hoping that she hadn’t misread the signs.

Her mom laughed. ‘Not getting any younger! Would you listen to yourself! I’d give my right arm to be twenty-one again. You know, that’s how old I was when I had you and Art. All a bit of a surprise to your father and me. We’d only been married a few months and then, wham, you two came charging into our lives.’ She smiled at the memories and pushed the sweetcorn around on her plate. ‘So, what about Jimmy? Have you given any thought to him?’

Grace knew that her mother had always been very fond of Jimmy and although she’d been too distracted by her own grief to really notice her daughter’s refusal to acknowledge him after the accident, she had often wondered about him.

‘I’m not sure about Jimmy. Sometimes I think about him but he’s most probably forgotten all about me by now. I wasn’t really very kind to him was I, ignoring his phone calls and his letters? He’ll be graduating this summer anyway. He’s probably moving on somewhere.’

‘My goodness Grace, there’s an awful lot of probablys in all of that. You should probably get in touch with him and find out whether any of your probablys are actually realities. I’m sure he’ll understand about the phone calls and letters. It was a very difficult time we were all going through. Death makes people react in strange ways and you certainly wouldn’t be the first to block somebody out of your life because of your grief and I doubt you’ll be the last.’ Her words reminded Grace of Maggie. She’d blocked all sorts of people and memories out of her life after Titanic. ‘If there’s meant to be a future for the two of you, I’m sure he will forgive you. And if not, then at least you’ll know the truth rather than spending the rest of your life in a world of probablys and what ifs.’