“For God’s sake, Mum, it’s the middle of summer.” Caleb was already in the doorway, but he paused there and smiled sweetly. “Can I have a fiver for lunch after the game? A bunch of the guys are getting burgers.” He picked up Pippa’s purse from the hall table and handed it to her.
“I wish you’d get something healthy,” said Pippa, passing him a tenner, and gratefully receiving her reward, a peck on her cheek. When he’d gone, she said, “He’s a little sod, but I can’t bring myself to say no to him. One day, when you’re a mother, you’ll understand.”
She seemed sad, resigned, and I felt ashamed at having behaved so childishly the evening before. “I’m sorry about last night,” I said. “My best friend dumped me.”
While Pippa listened, I recounted my conversation with Alana, and began to understand a little of what Alana had been trying to tell me. The epiphany was an uncomfortable one; a glaring blind spot had been shown to me, and my first thought was that I wanted to see Alana and behave in a different way. Only it was too late for that. Even if she agreed to meet up, it would be futile to try to get her to change her mind about me. I could be different in the next friendship, but that one was history.
Pippa thought so too. “Not all friendships last. Do you remember Lulu? Impossibly long legs, and a gorgeous face to go with them . . .”
“Of course,” I said. “She came to a party at our flat. I think my dad had a crush on her.”
Pippa laughed. “Everyone had a crush on her—she was exquisite, and a total nightmare to be best friends with. If you ever fancied a bloke, you couldn’t let her within a hundred miles of him.”
And yet it had been Pippa who’d scored at my parents’ party. “That was a wild night,” I said. “Or at least it seemed that way to me.”
Pippa drummed her fingers excitedly on the table. “Oh yes! That party. Lulu was a little minx that night.” She blushed. “And so was I.”
“I suppose she’s married now too, with kids?”
“I don’t know,” said Pippa. “I haven’t seen her for about ten years.”
I was surprised, and then sad. “How did that happen?”
“Lulu always had men hanging off her—miniskirts and stilettos were invented for girls like her—but she could never make anything last. I don’t even think she liked men all that much. When we were young, it didn’t matter, it was all just fun. But we got older, and everyone settled down except her. She kept on partying, not just at the weekends but all the time. I think she started doing lots of coke, and fell in with a crowd in King’s Cross who were into hard drugs. Whenever I bumped into her, she asked me for money, and if I didn’t give her any, she’d take off. The last time I saw her she was sitting outside a tube station—I went up to talk to her—and she was so out of it she didn’t even recognize me.”
“And that was the last time you saw her?”
Pippa was rueful for a moment, lost in reminiscence. “I think she might have overdosed, but I’d rather not know.”
We began to reminisce about the babysitting days, and Pippa’s description of me was one I hardly recognized. “You were very high spirited,” she said. “Always dressing up and entertaining everyone with your imaginary worlds.”
I wondered what had happened to her, this other, more charming me, whether she was gone for good or if it was possible to revive her—if she was in fact waiting patiently to be brought back to life.
Not two days later, Caleb decided to exert his will on a larger scale. The first sign of trouble was his persistent uncooperativeness in packing, even though the family was leaving in three days and would be gone for a month. At first Pippa thought he couldn’t be bothered, but when she started doing it for him, he sabotaged her efforts and hid all the clothes she had packed. Then, when his passport went missing, Caleb said he knew nothing about it, but after turning his room upside down, Ari found the missing passport tucked into an old comic. When they confronted him about what he was up to, Caleb announced he wasn’t going to Greece. Ari was furious and took a swing at Caleb before Pippa got in the way and tried to calm things down. Then Ari exploded at both of them.
I heard nothing more about it until Pippa knocked on my door, late, two nights later. She said she hadn’t discussed it yet with Ari but she had been thinking that it might not be so bad if Caleb stayed in London with me. I thought it was a terrible idea, but I just said, “Does Caleb know about your plan?”
“It was his idea,” she said. “At first I thought it was too much responsibility to put on you. But then I came round to the idea. You might be a good influence on him—he might open up once we’re not around.”