The Gender Game 5: The Gender Fall(42)

I felt myself blushing, a smile rising to my face as well. I couldn’t explain why, but in that moment, under the weight of the stares of everybody in the room, I felt an impish urge to raise my hand and waggle my fingers at them.

So I did.





15





Violet





My wave only had half the desired effect: Owen and Amber smiled, but Thomas’ face was pure apprehension, and Viggo was already out of his chair, moving toward me, concern etched on the strong lines of his face even through the smile he wore. He also looked tired, and I could imagine him sitting by my bed, unable to sleep. It wasn’t hard to imagine at all—it was how I had spent my time during his coma, and Viggo might have been even more protective of me than I was of him.

Dr. Tierney still had her arm around me, and I felt the insistent press of her hand, politely reminding me that, yes, she was helping me—but I was also heavy. I reached out to take Viggo’s hand, a tingle going through me as our fingers met, and allowed him to take some of my weight from her. Together, they helped me hobble toward the nearest empty seat. Amber sprang out of her chair and pulled it out for me, and I gave her a thankful look as they helped me sit down, taking care not to show exactly how relieved I was that I hadn’t had to deal with that particular obstacle.

Sitting was awesome. So much better than standing.

As soon as I sat down, Dr. Tierney let me go. Viggo, however, knelt down by me, his hand sliding down my arm, threading his fingers through mine. “Are you okay?” he asked, his green eyes searching. I felt my face soften, and I gave him a small nod.

“As well as can be expected,” I replied with a smile. Okay, I was exuding more optimism than I felt about my condition, but I was in no mood to admit it. I needed to get up, find out what had happened to Tim, and figure out what was going on.

He gave me a dubious look, but nodded. He pressed my hand against his cheek, his eyes drifting closed as he leaned into it. I curled my fingers slightly, feeling the rough beard forming on his jaw, and relief poured through me. We were alive, and together. That meant anything was possible. Dropping a kiss onto the palm of my hand, he stood up and slowly pulled away, heading back to his chair. A part of me wanted him to stay, longing for more of his touch—but I knew Viggo was too private a person to let our reunion   linger in front of all of our companions. I’d seen enough in his eyes in that one moment to know he was intensely grateful I was up and walking.

I watched him a moment longer, before Amber’s arms draped around me, dragging my attention away from him. She rested her head on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “I’m so glad you’re awake,” she said. “I was really worried about you.”

I smiled and patted her arm. “C’mon… you know no stupid princess of Matrus could keep me down,” I said, and Owen and Amber smiled. Thomas’ expression stayed locked in that same look of nervous expectation, while Viggo’s lips turned downward in a brief shadow of a frown. Okay, so maybe it hadn’t been a very tasteful joke, but I couldn’t really help it.

I was particularly concerned about Thomas. There was something going on with his face, something triggering a memory, half remembered and almost dreamlike. I licked my lips, focusing on it, until I was able to piece together the last time I had been in this room. I pushed away the embarrassment and squared my shoulders, exhaling in order to calm the nervous flutter in my stomach.

Thomas was worried about how I was going to treat him. He knew that losing my brother, even temporarily, was a deep wound to me, and he was afraid I was going to blame him. Truth be told, the thought was rattling around in my skull. It would have been so easy to blame him. I had trusted him with my brother’s life.

But that wasn’t exactly true, either. Thomas didn’t like confrontation, or battles he couldn’t control, so sending Tim and Jay with him had been a way of making sure he got in and out okay. It had also allowed me a bit more control over what the boys were doing. They had snuck onto the heloship when Amber and I had left, and they had been insistent on helping. I hadn’t liked it, so sending them with Thomas to help him plant the bombs on the fuel reserves for the palace generators had seemed like a better solution. And if Amber and I hadn’t convinced Thomas to come with us to the palace… well, maybe he wouldn’t have been there to lose Tim, but all of us might also have died.

I couldn’t blame Thomas. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Jay’s fault, either, although I was sure the young man was experiencing his own feelings of guilt. Tim had stayed behind of his own volition. He must have wanted to help his friends escape. I couldn’t fault him for that—it was the exact same thing I would have done.