I shake my head, “No. His eyes were weird. Really white.”
“I’m going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life.”
I laugh, “You won’t remember it. The dead never let me see where they took me.”
We get to the top of the stairs and again there are two hallways. Mona walks right. “We went right last time, we should go left.”
She pulls my hand, “No, right again.” She pulls, and when we pass by several ladies in dresses, I have a feeling she is right. The room is a grand sitting room. There is a great throne made of the brightest white crystal I have ever seen. It’s empty and looks like it’s not really there, like it’s a hologram.
There are people milling about the room. I catch a glimpse of one of them in the corner. Instantly, my eyes are drawn to him. He is not a man, and he is not a monster, but he is somewhere in the middle. He has dark-blue veins running his face and throat. He looks like he might have been a vampire who fed off dark-blue ink instead of blood.
He speaks to a woman in a pale-violet dress. I know who she is the moment my eyes land on her. My mother’s hair glistens in the light, the way I remember it. Instantly, Ezara and Liana start to cry inside of me. They sob for our mother. Only Ezara, myself, and Liana know her. Maggie and Ellie could care less about her. They want her dead and they want this ended. Liana and Ezara weep as I walk to her. Mona pulls me back, “Is that her?”
I nod. Mona shakes her head, “What if she can see us? What if she kills you?”
“She won’t. She wants to die for me.”
Mona grabs my hands, “You are an idiot. She doesn’t want to die for you. I am telling you. She doesn’t. She wants to kill you and live out her life here. She wants the world to end, I bet you anything.”
I pull Mona with me, dragging her against her will to where my mother stands. I see her back straighten. She knows I am here. She spins, looking at the air around me. Her face breaks my heart. I cringe as she looks around me.
She smiles but I see terror in her eyes that look like mine. She whispers, “You cannot see the truth here. You cannot see the chains. Bring a dagger next time, child.”
She turns back to the man with the blue veins. He scowls, “What was that?”
She shakes her head, “I think a wisp has made it inside. Downstairs maybe. I can feel it.” She smiles softly, placing a hand on his arm, “Where were we?”
He smiles, “We were discussing how my mother was just telling me that when the era of man is gone, and they are but a stain upon the Earth, the reign of the fae shall return.”
My mother nods slowly, “Yes. What a wonderful notion that is, but what about the angels?”
A man next to the blue-veined one gives Lillith a fierce look, “The angels? You would dare to ask me about the very traitors who betrayed us from the start? You will always be one of them, Lillith.” Her mouth opens, but instead of hearing her words, we are sucked backwards. Mona holds my hand tightly as we are flung backwards. It is as if a vacuum pulls us down the stairs. When we get back to the door where the dead are, we wake.
I open my eyes, seeing Mona next to me on our bed. She smiles at me, “Did that just happen?”
I scowl, “What?”
She cocks an eyebrow, “Jon Hamm’s penis and the crystal throne and your mother?”
My brow pulls together, “I don’t remember. Did we see the penis? Did you come into my dream?”
She smiles, “I do remember, no we never saw the penis, and yes, I did join you in that bizarre dream walk.”
She tells me a story and I don’t recall anything. I pace the room, trying desperately to envision the dream the way she recalls it. “I just wish…” I stop myself, “Oh my God, I have an idea.” I grab her hand and drag her off the bed. We run down the hallway to the room with the fire. I smile at Stella who is listening to music with Michelle on the couch.
“Stella, can you get the images from Mona’s head and put them in mine?”
She cocks an eyebrow, “What?”
I nod.
She looks at Mona, smiling devilishly. “Of course.” She gets up and saunters over to Mona who has a nervous look on her face. “Is this going to hurt?”
Stella shakes her head, “Only if you want it to.”
Mona scowls, “I don’t want it to, at all.”
Stella puts her hands on Mona’s head, “Stay very still.”
Mona nods.
Stella lowers her lips on Mona’s. Mona freezes for a second before returning the kiss to Stella. Stella bites down gently on her lower lips, sucking it. Mona moans into the kiss.
Constantine walks into the room, still looking wounded. He sees the kiss and I know he’s jealous. He narrows his eyes, “What is this?”
Stella sucks a little more before pulling back. She takes my hand and looks into my eyes deeply, “You will read my mind and remember everything you see.”
I nod, “I will.” The sound of my voice is weak and trancelike.
Her pupils dilate and instantly the images flood my mind. My heart cracks a little at the sight of her face—my mother’s face. She is unchanged, young, and exactly as I recall her.
Stella steps back, smiling at Mona again. Michelle stands up, looking confused, “What was that shit?”
I grin, “Jon Hamm’s penis, a crystal throne, and my mother.”
Michelle smiles, “I so need to see Jon Hamm’s cock. He has a forearm in there, I swear it.”
Me, Mona and Stella laugh.
Two
He doesn’t meet my eyes as I retell the dream to him. Constantine paces in front of the fireplace, “So she is a captive? We are to believe that regardless of leaving several times, she is a captive?”
I shrug, “That’s how it seemed.”
He shakes his head but Gretel nods, “That makes perfect sense.”
I scowl, “What?”
She nods, “It does. If the fae took her in with the hopes of using her to end the world, she wouldn’t be able to escape. They are more powerful than anything. There is no way they will let you in with a dagger though. The garden doesn’t allow sin in and it doesn’t allow violence.”
I scowl, “Holding her captive isn’t a sin?”
Gretel shakes her head, “Not if they believe in their hearts they are doing it to save the Earth. That could be a legitimate thing for them.”
Wyatt enters the room. He doesn’t meet my eyes either. I know inside of me, my hearts—all five of them are breaking. Liana and Ezara for our mother. Maggie and Ellie for Constantine. Me for Wyatt, Constantine, and my mother.
He sits on the couch next to Sarah, “What have I missed?”
I get up and leave the room. I don’t want to be in there with them, retelling the story and living through all three things that are hurting me.
Mona runs after me, “Do you think you and I could find the garden?”
I look back at her, “We need to.”
Mona scowls, “Where are you going?”
I grab the door to the cellar, “I’ll be back in a bit.” She folds her arms, “I saw on the news that pillaging has gotten so bad that they’re doing food rationing and only allowing people to take so much per week.”
“I don’t know how to help them. The air witches said we don’t kill the horsemen, but that feels wrong. I need to end my parents and be done with the devils so I can face the antichrist.”
Her eyes glisten like she might lose it any second.
I nod, “I know how you feel. This has been a very bullshit year.” I stomp down the dark hallway to the nixie.
When I get to the cliff, I can feel the dead. They’re trying to tell me something, but they aren’t using their words. The day is gray and cold. The ocean is covered in white caps and froth. I hold myself for a second, thinking about what I’m about to do.
“The queen, the sea queen. That’s who you need.” When I hear Wyatt’s voice, my guts burn. I turn back to see him in the tunnel. He winces, “I don’t care. I don’t care what you did with him, before. When you were the other girls.” His eyes burn like my stomach does. He steps towards me, “I love you. You. The person you are right now. I don’t know those other girls; I don’t even really care about them. I love you. I adore you. You scare me more than anything in the whole world, because like I told you before, I don’t think I can live without you.”
I walk to him, “I didn’t know he and Ellie did that. I swear I didn’t.”
He nods, “I know. You were too scared to know. I could see that you didn’t know.”
I take his hands in mine, kissing the palms of them both, “I love you. I can’t feel it right now. I can’t even feel your words. My heart is splintered into the five pieces of my soulless soul. But I know I love you.”
He smiles, “I’ll take that. I’ll take a fifth of the love you can give.” He lowers his face, brushing his lips against mine. The feathery kiss is delicate and something we don’t normally do. I like the smell of him, the feel of him, and the warmth of his body against mine. I wince into the kiss as my wings burst from my back. I grab onto him and leap. We soar up into the air, like a backwards swan dive. My wings pull in as we break the cold surface of the ocean.