There was nothing to meet them at the station, so, leaving their things, they set forth for the Grange on foot, taking a path across the fields.
‘I wonder,’ said Dinny, suddenly, ‘how little excitement one could do with in these days? Should I be happy if I lived down here all my time, like the old cottage folk? Clare is never happy here. She has to be on the go all the time. There is a kind of jack-in-the-box inside one.’
‘I’ve never seen it popping out of you, Dinny.’
‘I wish I’d been older during the war. I was only fourteen when it stopped.’
‘You were lucky.’
‘I don’t know. You must have had a terribly exciting time, Diana.’
‘I was your present age when the war began.’
‘Married?’
‘Just.’
‘I suppose he was right through it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Was that the cause?’
‘An aggravation, perhaps.’
‘Uncle Adrian spoke of heredity.’
‘Yes.’
Dinny pointed to a thatched cottage.
‘In that cottage an old pet couple of mine have lived fifty years. Could you do that, Diana?’
‘I could now; I want peace, Dinny.’
They reached the house in silence. A message had come through from Adrian: Ferse was not back at the Home: but he and Hilary believed they were on the right track.
After seeing the children Diana went to her bedroom to lie down, and Dinny to her Mother’s sitting-room.
‘Mother, I must say it to someone – I am praying for his death.’
‘Dinny!’
‘For his own sake, for Diana’s, for the children’s, for everybody’s; even my own.’
‘Of course, if it’s hopeless –’
‘Hopeless or not, I don’t care. It’s too dreadful. Providence is a wash-out, Mother.’
‘My dear! ’
‘It’s too remote. I suppose there is an eternal Plan – but we’re like gnats for all the care it has for us as individuals.’
‘You want a good sleep, darling.’
‘Yes. But that won’t make any difference.’
‘Don’t encourage such feelings, Dinny; they affect one’s character.’
‘I don’t see the connexion between beliefs and character. I’m not going to behave any worse because I cease to believe in Providence or an after life.’
‘Surely, Dinny – ’
‘No; I’m going to behave better; if I’m decent it’s because decency’s the decent thing; and not because I’m going to get anything by it.’
‘But why is decency the decent thing, Dinny, if there’s no God?’
‘O subtle and dear mother, I didn’t say there wasn’t God. I only said his Plan was too remote. Can’t you hear God saying: “By the way, is that ball the Earth still rolling?” And an angel answering: “Oh! Yes, Sir, quite nicely.” “Let’s see, it must be fungused over by now. Wasn’t there some particularly busy little parasite – ” ’
‘Dinny!’
‘ “Oh! Yes, Sir, you mean man!” “Quite! I remember we called it that.” ’
‘Dinny, how dreadful!’
‘No, mother, if I’m decent, it will be because decency is devised by humans for the benefit of humans; just as beauty is devised by humans for the delight of humans. Am I looking awful, darling? I feel as if I had no eyes. I think I’ll go and lie down. I don’t know why I’ve got so worked up about this, Mother. I think it must be looking at his face.’ And with suspicious swiftness Dinny turned and went away.
Chapter Twenty-seven
FERSE’s disappearance was a holiday to the feelings of one who had suffered greatly since his return. That he had engaged to end that holiday by finding him was not enough to spoil Adrian’s relief. Almost with zest he set out for Hilary’s in a taxi, applying his wits to the problem. Fear of publicity cut him off from those normal and direct resorts – Police, Radio, and Press. Such agencies would bring on Ferse too fierce a light. And in considering what means were left he felt as when confronted with a crossword puzzle, many of which he had solved in his time, like other men of noted intellect. From Dinny’s account he could not tell within several hours at what time Ferse had gone out, and the longer he left inquiry in the neighbourhood of the house, the less chance one would have of stumbling on anyone who had seen him. Should he, then, stop the cab and go back to Chelsea? In holding on towards the Meads, he yielded to instinct rather than to reason. To turn to Hilary was second nature with him – and, surely, in such a task two heads were better than one! He reached the Vicarage without forming any plan save that of inquiring vaguely along the Embankment and the King’s Road. It was not yet half past nine, and Hilary was still at his correspondence. On hearing the news, he called his wife into the study.